Feel free analyzed the things that bothered me it was a relief to escape and pour it out not holding back. Sometimes the mind makes things more than what they really are.
I've been writing about my struggles and things that hold me back. I heard you want change you change the way you think. I've been wanting to do things I put on hold because of work. I do have a life outside of work. If I'm not working I focus on JJ its my other passion along with writing.
I **** at relationships I kept using the past relationships thinking they are the standard but they failed so they are not an option. I've been getting to know this girl and not making it anything more than what is in front of me.
Everyday I write and give myself room to grow and think what I truely want for myself. Not pressuring myself taking time to figure it out. Thankful I'm able to laugh and smile not stressing over things that are beyond me I'm taking on what I can handle.

Went out with my cousin played some pool met some new peeps. I like people not the ones that come into my job. I think people are unique everyone has a story and secrets that's for them because I don't always want to know.
I've learned to hang out sober and that I'm not meant to be the heart of the party more alcohol for those who love to drink. I like being the DD I get to drive different cars and different music everyone has their preference.
Had a great day off enjoyed my time to relax and recover from my job its not too demanding but I give it all I have to offer.  I'm thankful for my job it helps provide opportunity. If not I can do whatever it takes to make it happen.

Had a talk with a friend I've been feeling isolated my hours not cut so I have to budget I'm on a list at work I'm close to fulltime or benefits but they don't want to give me any.
I've been writing out my thoughts on my dating lifevom not trying to make the same mistakes twice. I'm talking to a girl I need to work up the confidence to ask her out. I'm a few years older I've lived and she's still learning I don't want to be a road block. Its been a while since I've found anyone interesting I usually get bored or not the one.
I've been working on a few sketches one called failed romance and working on a few song writing lyrics helping my friend come up with ideas for songs its an interesting process.

I'm doing well this is my 3rd no energy drinks giving up a bad habit I took up once I quit drinking. Thankful for my support group who call me my actions if I'm falling back into those habits.
My love life had been stale I don't need anyone to be happy. Found happiness in my passion and what I love not in other individuals. My friend seen a girl who he thinks would be my type. He's the worse match maker ever but that's my opinion how do you hype a person up if you dk anything about a person.
I'm feeling good relationships aren't everything. I'm focused on JJ and writing they keep me sane. On the  mats I learn my techinque get better if not let the person I train with better.
Writing has been my way to figure things out not so angry or looking back but letting go. Moving forward the only story I can get lost in is moment I don't want to forget. I let go do I can live now life is about going forward not back

everything I see
is not always harmony
is off key
at times
I guess he may judge me
an idiot or be a true savior

and see me as a human creation with weaknesses
partly his fault and he gave to me dark to
highlight my strengths.

I met her on the road
Exhausted just like me.
I asked her why she's walking
She told me she is free.

I told her I'm a pilgrim.
She warned me, don't forget,
You may be tired of walking,
But your end is 'lejos' yet.

I told her Santiago
Was now my Xanadu.
She laughed and said the Khan awaits.
I laughed and said I knew.

I've seen his horse on hills afar,
He canters while I walk
And Kublai champs his teeth and shouts
His sword spits while we talk.

He wears the forest as a cloak
And chains the wind as breath.
I see him chase me further on
He tracks me to my death.

I asked her where she's going.
To Santiago too,
But I don't seek the spires and peaks
I'm hunting one like you.

He's running as his boots get worn
And I champ my teeth and shout.
He's keeping eyes out to the hills
While my sword point seeks him out.

Her deep black eyes and strong disguise
Bled from her and she stood.
Kublai Khan afore me spoke.
I ran but 'twas no good

She spoke out strong and in a blur,
'You are not my prey.
For many men along the road
Flee demons every day.'

And she roared and drew her breath,
The wind took up her gait.
She took the time to smile before
Her horse flew fast and straight.

I watched her go, still for so long,
The road behind ignored.
I heard the wind blow on before
I turned and saw He roared.

The hill was crowned with forest
Drawn around his back.
He spurred his horse on and the steed
Cantered down the track.

I turned and walked, slow and calm
For I am used to demons.
Though on the road I keep him towed.
The Khan is still the freeman.