I'll paint you a picture
with words I can't express

I'm losing my sanity!
This is compromise, it's NOT what I wanted!

We talked about better days
If you only knew – You never asked me!
– you left it all up to assumption
Now You're left alone
        – a quiet life without me . .

You thought it was love, but no . .
Love respects.

Change doesn't happen overnight . .
I can't carry you forever,
You have to want what I have
More than you love me
Until you grasp that we
are LOST and our LOVE
WON'T LAST!

The words I wanted to say didn't come out
I smile and gaze into your eyes – unsure
Unsure if you feel the same
– tensions are high – the silence unbearable
I have to say it . . . but should I wait . . .
You're waiting for the words to come
I wanted to wait and have this conversation later
But here we are
         On your bed again
                       And my mind's gone blank
                                 "Use your words!"

Okay . . Here we go . . .
This is happening now!
   . . .       . . .       . . .       . . .       . . .       . . .      
         . . .       . . .       . . .       . . .       . . .       . . .

Was it really that hard?
– I still felt I could have said it better –
But she really doesn't care, care that I made no sense . .
She's still pleased with me – Even though I'm beating myself up for rambling, saying nothing for 10 min., I didn't really say nothing – but it wasn't eloquent!

I should stop thinking out loud.
   Do that beforehand . . .
   Anxiety has melted away – now she's in my arms
            Soon enough I'll tell her, give it time . . .

Trapped and abandoned
The house I live in is filled with empty smiles
They think they know who they are
The play the part so perfectly, but no
– it is all just a lie –
Don't fake like you love and understand me
Stop living the lie and come back down
(Is this abandonment)
Alone with hope – hope in abandonment
Abandonment which leads me to know who I really am
The world lives on while the battle in my head
defines who I will come to be
For life, marked change means hope anew
A better day can only be ahead
Externally it seems desperate,
but know this: I am propelled forward by abandonment.
My identity is secure now – defined by what crushes the souls of men and destroys the hope of ever being loved again.
Acceptance is what I make of it: Defined by lack.

– Love to be loved.
It is a deep longing I have these days,
to hold her in my arms
to kiss her soft lips.
There is something settling about love,
maybe knowing that finally I have found the one,
the one who loves me back
the one who listens and remembers.
Desire. It drives me the distance.
Beauty. Outward beauty never lasts – intrinsic beauty does.
               to hold her tightly in my arms,
               she knows I think about us all the time,
               – maybe I am obsessed about love
One of these days I will tell her.
Tell her of all the plans I have for us,
For our happiness . . .
             The world only sees external beauty,
             but no one knows her like I do . . .
             – maybe I am obsessed with love
Now that I know she too wants me
It drives me the distance.
Time well spent is late nights with her.
It is a deep longing I have these days,
            Love to be loved, all my affections –

I never thought you'd be the one
be the one to hurt me the most
But now I know how you feel
living everyday with regret & pain
Yeah, it cuts deep – thinking we had something special
I think back to the words you spoke . . .
. . . those meaningless words – they bring a tear to my eye
I wipe it away violently, to regain composure . . .
emotionless you'd never think I was broken inside
How can I recover from cuts so deep?
– the blade I hold now doesn't match to you

If I lived another day I would go mad!
The hurt overwhelms my body
                                                        and overshadows the past

It's the same old cycle, meaningless words
from a cold heart, cutting deep, deeper than
the blade I now hold to my skin.

Wanting to be wanted by the one
the one who I have never met
I think, maybe our paths have crossed?
Make a wish: ______
I always thought I would be with her by this age, but no . . . .
Working hard towards the larger goal – the bigger calling – neglecting my interpersonal needs and interactions . . .
On the outside everyone sees success
On the inside I'm lonely and uncertain.
– But who?
                    Who is there to be honest with,
                    honest and open about my emotions,
                    fears, and hopes?
Wanting to be wanted by the one
I know she is out there – it's just a matter of time.
Make a wish, it's eleven-eleven.