December 2nd, 2015 – you fell asleep in my arms . .
Remember the conversation we had, if you could change one thing about you what would it be? You're beautiful. You think you aren't, but this time you're wrong! Nothing anyone says, and no judgmental look will make me think any less of you, your eyes are my favorite, and your chin (even though you hate it) makes you you!
You fell asleep in my arms! You trust me!? I gazed on your face and thought quietly to myself, how lucky I am to have met you at this time in my life! Your breathing slows and becomes deeper as you slowly drift off to sleep. Your arm twitches, your warm body across my chest . . I touch your arm it gives me a settling feeling of belonging, it's like you're mine already. You were always mine.

Girl, this is the happiest I've ever been, words can't even express how my heart longs for you now, miles away in this cold bed, I fight sleepy eyes to pen these words before I forget. This is love. You fell asleep in my arms for the first time, I'll never forget and I'll never get over it.

Only God knows my pure intentions
Some call me a perfectionist critic,
The skeptic speaks with boastful words, smooth like silk, it's the elitism of pride
I can't fight these heavy eyes
My heart aches to know, to know with certainty that I'll NEVER be alone
Again I, the questioner, seek to be satisfied . . .
Three times again . . .
Three times now and I'm still alone
– never to try again . .
I've given up all hope on love

Your scathing words rip into me
You tear me apart flaw by flaw
Never listening only blaming and speaking death
Echoes of your lies linger as I try and sleep
Hate fills my mind, not of the lies you speak, but of hate for myself
I'll never view myself the same
Your blunt words cut deeper than imagined
Am I still loved by the enemy that haunts me nightly?
When do I stop taking the lies you speak?
You pry and you meddle, but I'll never trust you again
You speak to destroy, I'm just a city waiting for your tongue

I'm never going back
Back to being deceived
You led me on
And to think I could change you
You lied to me
Why didn't you just speak your thoughts?
I'm so over feeling cheated
It's bizarre you'd still think we're friends
We'll never be that close again.
I thought we'd be friends
But now I avoid you
Never thought I'd stoop so low
Everything is NOT okay between us
I trusted you
All I wanted was your friendship
Guarantees aren't certain with you
Call me careless – but I've lost hope
Hope that love will find me
Who knew my life would play out this way
LOST
Never to experience "tangible emotion"
The ups & downs
Have never felt so meaningless . . . . . . . . . .
11 months gone with no regrets
– if only you could say the same . . .

You need someone
Someone to hold you when you cry
To listen to every word you say
I hate I can't be the one
I can't be the shoulder to lay your head on
To embrace you
Getting lost
Losing myself never felt so right
But reality speaks
You're alone tonight
Unnoticed
Wanting to be wanted
You're strong
But now you'r weak
Because you're alone
Alone and afraid
Afraid of never attaining what you need
It's so much more than being wanted
Longing, desire . . .
Love
Tears fall
Un-seen by humanity
You're still alone
Alone and waiting

I fade into the background noise
As no one listens
It's like no one cares, but
the truth is: No one really does.

Working hard to please
All the efforts go largely Unnoticed

It's not a bargain if you walk
all over me!
It's not a friendship when I'm left alone.
a hit-and-run
        This is life.
        My story up until now.

I don't need an applause or a good word
When the waves crash down, and I'm lost in the undertow
I desperately need you – to pull me back

I don't matter – You bring me validity and meaning
Life is so much more than routine monotony
No one Really cares who lives and dies,
        But what I leave behind
       Will not be largely unnoticed
I know who I'm living for and the legacy I lead . .

Fixation. The thorn in my raw flesh aches, needle points and burning, a twisting dull pain . .
It won't stop until I reach a place of happiness.
But is that what I really need?
Happiness won't satisfy me now.
Who can be alone and happy?
I've become accustomed to embrace this thorn, I bear it.
Why try to hide from what haunts me?
Love satisfies.
Happiness comes from a place of genuine love
Love isn't Weakness,
I'm strong
                   but love is failing . .