Ever since I put
that knife to skin,
I can't stop thinkin' 'bout
how you've been.
No sense now in desecration.
Only gotta live and love,
but I'm havin' trouble with inspiration.
Seems she's gone, gone for good.
Yeah, I think she left the neighborhood.

My love at times
seems infinite.
And when I rhyme
she's right in it.
It seems, in time,
fires always get lit.

So now I'm truckin' along
through empty streets.
Tryin' to right all my wrongs
and rest my aching feet.
They moved so fast, now
I don't know how.
All I'm thinkin' 'bout
is where I'll show.

All I need is
a beat.
Do you know
what I mean?
Come up on the
bright streets.
Flip it around,
and it's obscene.
So baby, let me
live, let me see.
And I promise
I'll give it back,
they've got nothin' on us
because things never
looked so bright.

So bang the drum,
look my way.
Saw you smile
and look away.
That's when I knew
you feel the way I do.
Just know I feel the way you do.

Things come, things go,
sometimes with nothing to show.
They float here and back,
whether the sky is blue or black.
Here's to what's coming and
all the things that passed.

The city inside my head
never sleeps.
When I go to bed, the noise
doesn't cease.
Rapists and murderers
roam the streets.
Taking advantage of anyone,
anything and they won't leave.
Leaving me no choice but
lock away my key.
Never to be touched again,
no more me.

Scratching my head
And my thoughts
With this fine lead
Thinking I ought
To quit already
It doesn't do too much
Good

Everyone is born
chained
to their own
personal mountain
of despair.

For, in suffering,
we learn
compassion.
We learn
gratitude.
We learn
to cope.

We are catapulted
from our comfortable
homes,
and into the pit
where we learn
the meaning
of
breathing.

Now I don't
know why,
can't explain
it.
It's like this
feeling inside me
that grows with
each passing day.
Gradually and surely
increasing in intensity
until
                                           splat!

Brain's on the
                                                                ­                                                         wall.
The red
really complements
the green
paint.
It looks like
Christmas
only a little
more ******
up.

I've spent a lifetime
bathing in pools of sweat.
Thought you were my lifeline.
You prove me wrong again, and again.
My head spins as I slowly rise.
Always thought it would be different.
Used to call you "my prize".
But one thing I've never been is wise.

Constantly fooling myself left.
My body always throws me off track.
Veering around to the side I thought right.
Walking into white light that just goes black.

Listening to other people never did me much good.
Their words swim in my brain like vengeful parasites.
Influencing me to do things they think I should.
But everyone is selfish as the days turn to nights.
I've learned to find it in my to power through the ****.
Even as my Sun burns out, I still fight the fight.
Even as my everything falls deep down that pit.
Even as my darkness is eating all my light.

rotting
festering
rotting
rotting
perpetually
spinning
decaying
d­issolving
disgusting
dormant
coagulating
coats
still
freezing
fry­ing
drying
stinking
encompassing
stench
rotting
boiling
rotting
r­otting
dying

I feel cheated.
Plain and
Simple.
The fact that
We, as a whole,
our entire culture
is based around schooling.
Being taught by people
who don't want
to be here.
Who don't
get paid enough
and don't
get any recognition
for what they do.
Teachers.
They're treated
as people who are
replaceable.
The same people
who shape us
from very,
very
young ages all the way
up to adulthood.
Molding and providing
framework that our
brains
form around.
They don't care.
Sure,
some do.
There are some really great
people out there
who study with a
passion.
A passion to help
others
on their journey to
enlightenment and
expanding the minds
of the young.
Helping them to see
and to hear and to experience
things with a
questioning disposition.
But then there are the
fed up,
the tired,
the angry,
the mentally strained,
who enter classrooms
with a mindset
that just isn't compatible
with what we,
as young people,
need to nourish our
minds and souls.
They don't think
about how our forming
psyches
can be affected
by people who
are unpleasant,
people
who are doing
what they're doing
just to get by.
No second
thought
of how their teachings,
and their way of going about it
is affecting us as whole,
as a society
and a culture.
Planting seeds
of dislike
and of hesitation
when they should be
preparing us
for the wonders
and the joy
and the expansiveness
that awaits us
on this organic,
floating ball
of water and of
Earth.
Hurtling through
space
and time
with no breaks
and with no real
comprehension
of what
is actually occurring
around us.

Playing with fire
Never hurt no one
Cutting the wires
Underneath the Sun
Playing the liar
And you're having fun
What have you done?

Running in the circles
Just to keep it square
Ear to the grapevine
But I keep it fair
I stay out of your hair

It's what they always told me
That it'd be like
Laser focus and miles of sight
Don't need your insight
Always took your advice
With more than a grain of salt
Like swarming lice
I won't give up the fight

See through you
and all that you do.
Never trusted a girl
who sounded that sweet.
Seen my share of the world
and I've wept for weeks.
Earthly things no longer
take me by surprise.

It's what they all say:
"I love you".
Working, trying to play and
"I love you".
Nothing sounds so bland as
"I love you".

Saw you brushing yourself off
in uncut grass, under tall trees.
For things they tend to scoff at,
I take my leave.
Everything they all value
I see as dirt.
Deep down you know the truth
and it hurts.
Rise above and cut the root,
watch it burn.

Constant worry,
casual stress.
Unceasing flurries,
upon my heart, I bless.
Nothing's wrong,
although I'd beg to differ.
My life will be long,
or so the doctor's offer.
Cholesterol is low,
nil chance of diabetes.
But on my face, it shows
I don't like to eat my Wheaties.
No matter though,
what they say
my blood shows.
I know where my heart lies
and I alone make the choice to live
or to die.

Moving hard out
of the gate.
Zip-lining, flying out
of this state.
Everything seems so small
as I elevate.
People sound so slow
as they dissipate.

Floating in ninety-eight, point six
degrees.
Nobody cares for tricks
as your thoughts leave.
Yeah, they leave you
stranded, you see.

When you see the stars
you're still not even close.
Realizing rational decisions
were never what you first chose.
Brain waves, surgical incisions
you can be the King and everyone knows.
Harnessing grandiose visions,
as the wind cuts through your petty shows
and lines up your mistakes in neat little rows.

Who stole my loving?
Who removed my joy?
Surgical instruments
Sterilized silver knives
Who's winning the fight
When neither side is right?
Impending disaster areas
Coated in radioactive slime
I think it's time
I think it's time
This is the time

Bombs sail coolly overhead
Warm sunlight directs the flight
Circular motions around our head
Before everything goes white

On the outside
I seem
To not even
Try.
To not even
Care.
And I don't
Think I do.
For the most part.

On the inside
Fires rage
And it seems
They burn
Stronger
With each passing
Day.
On the inside
Planets collide
And burst
Like so many grapes
In my stubborn
Grip.
On the inside
I don't know
What the outside
Wants
Or needs.
On the inside
I am a
Lion
Watching carefully
Approaching
Slow...
...ly
Afraid
To pounce
To roar
To talk
The way that
Everyone
Seems prone to.

The lion lays
Down.
He shakes
Droplets of water
From his mane.
Tucks his big, hairy
Head
Between huge
Paws
And never
Ever let's his
Tears
Reflect sunlight.

Everybody knows that
Lovely sound
When the bell rings
And you're homeward bound
Freedom calls your name
At long last

Skippin' down the hallway
No time to play
Gettin' the hell out
After another long day
You couldn't pay me to stay

For the sky and the ground
Don't know where I'm bound
Ground into the dirt, it hurts
Pound for pound, it lurks
In thin air, inconceivable
Behind the boulders, unbelievable

It won't leave me
Chronic electricity
And no one can see
The way it dries my leaves

Hangs me out to dry
On the gallows, strong rope
Strong-armed into a lie
Might as well just choke
On my fickle tongue, too young
To have a body feel so old

One of my teachers
My favorite teacher
Once told me
"John," she said
"You're self-defeating."
And I looked
At her and
Blankly
I turned
It hurt
It cut
Me deep
Into my stomach
Because I knew she was right
And I knew
What I knew
And that was exactly
What came out
Of her *******
Mouth
But what she didn't know
Was that I couldn't help it
Still can't and
Still it cuts
Me like
Hamburger
And after
I walked back to my chair
And suddenly
She wasn't
My favorite
Anymore

It's cheaper
To die
In the first bed
They put you in
Than to
Heal you of the Earthly
Maladies bestowed upon
Our fragile, rickety bodies
The second they decide
That it's time for you to emerge
Flesh from the flesh of your mother's

Abortion is a travesty
A selfish act committed
By selfish women
Or so they say
It's really funny actually
How they cherish
Your unborn heart
And brain
But once you're removed
From the dark womb
Into that dark room
They say
"Let 'em die."
Because your poor mother
Didn't have enough
Change swirling around
Her shallow pocketbook

Lightyears in seconds
That's how it goes
Universal life lessons
What do you know?
Lift-offs and landings
You are here, and hear
Crisis' come crashing
Not far nor near

I'd call you hoping
To see things differently
And maybe wishing
Things never got this bad
But life is filled with filler
A lot of things don't mean much
Sometimes these times can be a killer
And I don't plan on being your crutch

These days I've found the pep
In my step that I've been searching for
For my whole life and I can't help
The things you do and I won't try anymore

Like that I'm rudely interrupted
Pulled from a fantastic fever dream
My mind's been bent and corrupted
Don't expect you to know what I mean
All I wanted was some compassion
Some care never hurt no one
Guess I'm looking in the wrong direction
Maybe I'm just staring too hard at the Sun

But I like the way it feels
When I'm bathed in all it's glory
My skin tingles on the steering wheel
White lights tell a gory story
When you're mourning in the morning

You don't get it
The depth of emotion
Deep, vast valleys
Of joy and wonder
Deep, dark holes
Of **** and anxiety
The flux can't be held
In your hand
Or in a tightly capped bottle
It's endless and boundless
Timeless and zoneless
You can't describe it
Although I've been trying
My whole life

I was born
To this flesh
A man of
Worry and doubt
Used to be
I never cared
No, I did
It's just now
Where I once
Hid in darkness
Is illuminated, bright
I can see
Clear and far
And everyone else
Seems not so
They brood, boil
Hardened yet soft
Moved around, shifting
Chameleons with camouflage
But no one
Comes even close
To the spot
In the Sun
Where I lay
My aching head

Blasted
Out and far wide
Hurling
Tumbling out and in
Planets
Pass and go
Asteroids
Crash and burn
Time
Wanes and builds
Nothing
Stops for you
Everything
Lies in wait

When we're born
And until we perish
Ideas we've worn
Things we relish
Seem to live on
Despite our broken bodies
Daughters and sons
Sacrificed, we're follies

With that said
We all get a piece
Heads and hearts of lead
Holes in moldy brain-cheese
No one is afforded
A true way through
Everyone is sorted
And it really is true

Family's with money
Fall and suffer from lack of love
And family's with none
Shiver in the cold through group-hugs
Healthy people, sick ones
All suffer fates they'd choose not to
Church steeples, Satanic cults
Deceive and feign the truth

Ups and downs
Lows and highs
Smiles and frowns
Laughs and cries
One and the other
Living in harmony
Sisters and brothers
Who tolerate each other
Because they know
Whether high or low
They'd drown in the undertow
If their doppelganger didn't show

We all dissolve
It's basic science
While we evolve
None of us are compliant
We're hurling through
Without any consent
Our **** is true
No point in dissidents

We grow like the grass
From infertile grounds
We just want to save our ***
From unholy sounds
No matter of belief
They don't care that we don't
We're just the falling leaf
In search of lofty retreats

The blotchy grass and
Broken tree limbs
Greet me when I come
Spare car parts
Barrels of twisted, half-charred metal
Tin, iron and aluminum
Stacked high, Sun-glinting off

It's hot
Humid, the worst
Sometimes I could barely breathe
But I did
Even with my asthma
Tugging on my lungs
I breathed in
I breathed out
And it was just like I remembered it

Stop and look around
Hold the bullet in your hand
Mull over the emotion
That fills you as you stand
Blood rushes up, down, pumps
And now you're all set
Body like a tree trunk
Feel the weird funk

Coming on and taking over
No survivors, no leftovers
Look left and then turn right
Sit down and take flight

Like the green leaves
Off the mighty oak
Falling up instead of down
Float up and let your body soak
In the light of the bright sightly
Glorious Sun from above
Taking blood lightly
Spilled and vacuumed up

Shadows on the grass
The Sun hangs high above
Cars laze down my street
The wind makes that sound I love

It's one of those days
That being alive isn't so hard
I awoke in sort of a daze
My resolve seemed less charred

Now it's just a question
That hangs above like the almighty Sun
But I know that hesitation
Always dots my question-marked fun

looking back with no anger
just anxiety, feel my life in danger
the soul can only bear so much
I've grown too numb to recognize a touch
can't even tell your love from your disdain
but no one can hurt me, I've been through deeper pain

the feeling flees, fleeting flies
staring up at the ceiling tiles
no way pf telling when they'll leave me be
for once in my life I'd like to not feel so crazy

Things never seem the same
When you look back from whence you came
Realization hits you like a wheelbarrow full of bricks
This newfound process only worsens your little mental ticks
And then you don't know what to do or who to run to
And your left debating the worth of what they say is true

Living in a constant state of question
Asking yourself: "Do they know what they do only lessens
the quality, and probably quantity, of your years here on Earth?"
Always weighing the pros and cons of your fickle worth
In and out and out and back, your minds changes and warps
Never knowing what to feel and what to just ignore

It's days like these when I wake up
And instantly feel the crushing weight
It's 8 AM and you've already had enough
As though your confidence is many years too late
Thinking and mulling over and over-analyzing
Co-morbid guilt and selfishness can be paralyzing

So you decide to lay down and get in bed
Only you've spent way too much time doing it
The only thing is that your body is pure lead
And you can't figure out the right way to go about it
You talk yourself out of it but it's no use
There is no winning this when you have to settle to lose

I asked my maladies to marry me
And now I'm engaged to be alone
And I know
That I'm no, no
Good when I'm low
And
I'm always low
I'm always low

Up on a grassy hill
Electricity through my brain
Sky lights up
The crash is deafening

In a valley
Down low, lower
Than I knew I could go
The crash is deafening
The sight is blinding

Up with the birds
Out with the wind
Through with the confidence
And nothing makes sense
Like the up and up
Careening into the dark
And down, down, down
I'm stranded in the park
Dilapidated and dated (and what's my consolation?)
My brain's been thrown to the sharks

Floating, blue water dyed red
As they cut to the surface
My body is cast-iron lead
Watching as this place
Roars from nil and naught
To somewhere I want to stay
I don't know where to look
Now and again I'm turned on my head
Only now I can read it like a book
When I'm not sunken so deep in my bed

Ten decisions
Plague
You're right
One incision
Late
You're tight
And you're in it
Bait
The sight
To see it
Wait
And                   Sunlight

My father, my father
Now he's going to see
I've proven myself worth a bother
And there's no stopping what I can be
Future king of the islands of iron
And son to the one who they currently worship
Sprung in the hard isles, I was
But raised in the frozen north
I can only imagine the plans father will put forth

Now that I've sailed
Though with an unruly crew
The iron price shall prevail
Because my father says it's true
And he is His Holiness
And the undisputed head of my native land
I can do nothing to quell my hopefulness
On these ****** rocks, on this crimson shore I stand
Now and again though I've been told
That I am Theon of the North
And am a part, no longer, of the isles where I was birthed
I will show my father just who his son has become
****** it in the face of islanders who don't believe in their rightful heir
I've made mistakes, misstepped the side who won
But I am a noble, one born into which I will flair

I'm off home now, though it is my snowfallen one
Where I learned what is right
Where there is no such thing as an "iron price"
One which is embedded in my heart so tight
But I mustn't look back now
At all I have gained from these people and lands
For it's time to wake this sleeping cow
I know it is right when I step foot on the sand
March my men straight back "home"
Sneak up, like proper thieves, and sack my once-called castle
Who would've thought it'd be such a gods-be-****** hassle

The howls of wolves rang through the night
Warm air and regret hung o'er my brain
Never was a peacemaker, jus' lookin' for a fight
Always knew a silver lining traced the pain
But then I stumbled on a mangled animal
Breathing heavy, my body just stalled

But this wasn't your usual wild dead
The legs moved and it turned its head
I stepped back as it scrambled, bleeding
Never had such a dreaded feeling

Woke up at the bottom of Old Green Hill
Looked around to find nothing but confusion
Teeth marks riddled arms and then I felt ill
As I stumbled back to my cabin, I felt the protrusion
Of teeth, but no not on my arm this time
My mouth was suddenly the home to primal
                                                                                                          pearly whites

You're just a-walkin down the street
Just a-rovin down on and to the beat
So sweet, never knew a love I could bear
Nope I never seemed too easy to really scare
It's just when someone gets under this skin
And I'm so down deep on the hole, you can't win
So I just lay there as she applies the pins

So then I'm stuck there wonderin'
Moving around and just flounderin'
But it always just gets me nowhere
Standing tippy-tied on my on-edge hairs
Just wonderin' and flounderin'
No, it seems I can never win
Nope just doomed to this life of sin
But I think that I handle it well
Yeah as far as I can tell
I handle it pretty well

Hitting the dirt
Again and he spins
Averts the impossible
Loses but then he wins
Taking the swings
With the pauses
And the misses with the hits
Always minds his causes
And takes the chunks with the bits

Out and about
He's a man for all people
They scream and they shout
But he's no feeble
Minded trickster with those
Lying sleeves and words
He's the one they chose
He's not just for the birds
No - he don't subscribe to the herd

When it's all said and done
And he unties his laces
He says he's had fun
Open and closing cases
Taking and stealing bases
Like it's just part of his day
Running and gone with no traces
It's not about the pay
No - no, just part of the day

He was a clown
He liked to **** around
Just flailing through life
Not caring enough to fight
Sailing blindly through troubled waters
And each day his strength seemed to faulter
The waves smiled at him in pity
He used to be but he's no longer witty
His mind dulled from lack of movement
He knew he desperately had to create his moment
So he packed his bags and headed off
The people behind him just scoffed and ****** off
Because he had no other options
He headed to the circus where the crowds were flocking

Heading on up and into the mountains
Where the beautiful trees and the endless fountains
Of his dreams were but a wisp of smoke
On which he was tempted to choke
But he ****** it up with the rest of the *******
And asked the owner if he could try his hand a bit
With no experience and close to no knowledge
The man gave him a break after he said he'd been to college
With that lie behind him and the mystery ahead
He smiled wide and tried to stand on his head
And he did, he did stand!
He jumped, and on his feet he did land
The man smiled back and clapped his hands
"I hope you can juggle, because, for you, I've got plans!"

My eyes have been deafened
At the sight of ****** ears
Floating hopelessly and tender
Through the sheared, speared, years
So spare me now for my contempt
And inability to connect
My heads gone and gone unkempt
Now I can't even tell you my best bet

Repressed energies
Planting sickly seeds
Biting the hand that feeds
Doing disgusting deeds
Grabbing the fist that leads
Sweating discoloured beads
All to the rhythm of the marching team

The problem with you is...

You always

                   Always

Love

The
       wrong
                  

Girl.

I know I'm coming off
As whiny, you scoff
At my childishness and
How I refuse to bend
But it just seems to
Me that all of it plus you
The whole world operates
In the opposite of what you dictate

You can't push too hard at all
Because you only end up on the floor
Clutching your hair and humming
Crazy on the doorstep, punching the door
You always end up punching the door

Nothing seems so funny
When you have no money
And you can't give and
Therefore warrant no reception
Of anything
Gift or gaze or gallivanting
About

So you have to spend
Time
Since you've no dime
Or dollar
Slaving and selling
Your soul and trying so hard
To see through the ******
And mustard gas that makes itself
Evident once you realize where that your job
Is good for absolutely nothing other than
That feeling of being able to give
And, thus, to receive

Anything at all

The melancholy of the city
It propels, it repels me
The darkness of the streets
At night when we meet
Is all I've ever wanted

Street lights glowing maniacally
Above cars zipping inherently
Owing their lives to these people
Moving, shuffling, toppling sheeple
Money is the name of the game, this game
Either you have it or you don't... but it's all the same

You see, your face is something interesting
To me I've never really felt as if this thing
The pump of my heart in rhythm with
The steps you're taking and you don't give a ****
But it's all alright because I've got no respect
For anything and I never care to check

                  To see
                             If you're like me

You've got to just run
Just ******* have some fun
Run until you beat out the gun
And go until you blank out the Sun

I just want
What you do
But what that is
I never know
So come with me
Down to the beach
Your eyes can't see
What you can reach

Lets just go now
Now let's take off
Lets just let go how
How we used to scoff
But now we know
Yeah now I know

You say it isn't fair
To expect so much
The way that your hair
Blows in the wind with such
Tenacity makes it hard
To imagine a time
After I've known you
When I can't hold your hand
All I can hope is that I've grown on you
It's unfortunate you see through me & this land

So all that I ask
Is that you don't leave
Had I been given this task
Before I would have not dared to weave
This basket of bone and skin
It just seems sometimes I just can't win

You talk so elegantly with
Your lips parted ever so slightly
You say you know all the tricks
And see the ones up my sleeves
I'm sorry to say
But I must admit
I didn't come to play
And what you're thinking is *******
Just like that you're done & just walk
Now I'm glad my outlines in chalk