The water splashes against my back
Warm, but as soon as it touches my skin, cold

My left cheek twinges, numb-ish
Oh my gosh, that means something doesn't it?
What is it a sign for again? Heart attack?
No, stroke. Oh my gosh, am I going to have a stroke?

That's ridiculous, you're seventeen.
But it could happen!
It's not a stroke. You're being stupid. It's just the anxiety.
I grimace at the glass door, feeling my face to see if it moves properly.

Oh my gosh, what if it was a spider?
I felt my toe catch on something before, that must've been it biting me.
It's a neurotoxin, I'm going to die soon.
I'm almost crying.
I thought you didn't care if you died.
I frantically slap my hands at the ground, but obviously, there's no spider there.

It could've gone down the drain.
Or I could've been bit before.
What about the creepy spider that lives by the basement stairs?
I bet I accidentally brushed by it, it bit me! I'm about to die!

You're insane, you know that right?
Breathe
It's nothing, random pains and feelings happen sometimes
It's going to be okay

It's going to be okay

I am no longer waiting for a special occasion; I burn the best candles on ordinary days.
I am no longer waiting for the house to be clean; I fill it with people who understand that even dust is Sacred.
I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me; It’s just not their task
I am no longer waiting for the perfect children; my children have their own names that burn as brightly as any star.
I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop; It already did, and I survived.
I am no longer waiting for the time to be right; the time is always now.
I am no longer waiting for the mate who will complete me; I am grateful to be so warmly, tenderly held.
I am no longer waiting for a quiet moment; my heart can be stilled whenever it is called.
I am no longer waiting for the world to be at peace; I unclench my grasp and breathe peace in and out.
I am no longer waiting to do something great; being awake to carry my grain of sand is enough.
I am no longer waiting to be recognized; I know that I dance in a holy circle.
I am no longer waiting for Forgiveness. I believe, I Believe.

-Mary Anne Perrone

Photo: Ingmari Lamy
Via Sacred Dreams

show me your heart,
show me the beauty you keep inside.
open your soul,
don’t hide it;
let me see the light that shines within.
tell me your story,
tell me what makes your heart beat,
what sets your soul on fire.
tell me about your pain,
and know that it matters,
that every thing about you matters.
know that your life is a gift,
that your life is grace.

when the morning comes,
may you smile at the sun,
and may its light touch your heart.
when the morning comes,
may the birds sing to you songs of hope.
when the morning comes,
may you find the grace your heart needs.
when the morning comes,
may joy light the way before you.

it sounds cliché
and i wish it weren't true
but my heart can't give you
what you never gave me
and yet i don't blame you
because maybe
the same thing happened to you

don’t run away from the pain,
because it is yours just as much
as hope is.
learn from it and grow,
for it is part of your story.

find me braver,
find me kinder
find me loving with
a wide-open heart
find me with flowers on my head
and forgiveness in my heart
find me alive,
find me in love

One,
two...three,
four
bad decisions at your door,

Five, six,
seven, eight,
one more time,
and it's too late,

Nine, ten, eleven,
twelve,
into darkness,
down you delve,

Angry demons answer,

No need to count any longer.

Cherie Nolan © 2016