Didn’t always love you
In fact I think I hated you
Tried to erase you with my sick games
Tried to **** you by ignoring your light
But now I see
I feel
your light
your life
is lovely
What a feeling it is
to embrace and accept
I love you now
I accept you now
I see now
You
Are
Beautiful


© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.

Hello world
You may not recognize me
though now I finally recognize myself

I made a difficult choice
freedom over familiarity
I ran to a new beginning
Shedding all those who attempted to control
through lies and vitriol

I have found my voice
I will use my voice
to be a truth teller,
a mirror,
a fierce catalyst for wellness

I have found my voice,
so I sing out
with rebellious joy
Hello world
Hello


© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.

I once had a friend like a shadow
Always together wherever we’d go
Running and tumbling and laughing through life
Always connected, one in the same

But then a cloudy day came
And with no sun to shine
I lost that shadow friend of mine
The darkness rolled in and my shadow friend disappeared
Scared off by the first sign of trouble, the first drop of tears

So I learned my lesson
Shadows are easy to come by when the sun is shining bright
But shadows bring little comfort in the chill of a dark night

And when the storm cleared
And my shadow friend reappeared
Ready to run and tumble and laugh with me again
I had to turn away
And say goodbye
For I learned my lesson:
a shadow is nobody’s friend

© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.

I’m putting on my perfume
as you enter the bathroom
“Smells like cancer,”
was your answer

Wish I’d been fearless
against your meanness
instead of hurt and speechless

“I never hit you”
That’s true
That’s not what you do

Words, not fists, you use
to lie,
to confuse
to strike
and abuse
Words don’t leave a bruise

“*****” is not my name
“****,” more of the same
But you have no shame
“Just a fight,” you claim

“You’re just sensitive”
You told me
And I accept that excuse
for years of emotional abuse

I stay
until one day
I’m brushing my teeth
as our son enters the bathroom,
“Why is dad always mean to you?”
Those words became the straw
that broke the camel’s back

And now me and my perfume
are never coming back


© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.

choose your mirrors carefully

what those mirrors reflect will cling to you like perfume
tint your vision like sunglasses

don’t let a broken mirror trick you into thinking you, too, are broken

look carefully
look long
look with eyes wide open

a mirror will always reveal it’s true nature in times of stress

Be vigilant!

here’s the secret
when you realize the ugliness
is a reflection of the broken mirror
not you
you can walk away

walk away
into the light
into the freedom

walk into the loving embrace of those who show you your true self

I know
because I did

© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.

My rebellious joy
Heals me
Frees me
from my past
Heals me
Frees me
from my present
My smile was once a mask
sincerity turned it to a shield
A heart filled with gratitude and wonder
leaves no space for fear
I step into my strength
by embracing this
My rebellious joy


© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.