And like my dessert,
I'd choose you first.

© JL Smith

I woke before the sun,
But if I'm honest, I never slept
I knew I'd dream those nightmares
Of the secrets that I've kept

So, I confess

I sense when you're behind me
As I turn and lock your stare
Or how my insides go crazy
When your laughter fills the air

I act as if it chills my bones,
But you possess the warmest touch
Others grow weary of discussion
Yet, I crave your words so much

Distance draws an ache
I try to feel you near
The clock becomes my nemesis
Time is closing, I fear

I'd get homesick as a child
Inside different walls I felt alone,
But now it's not a house I miss
It's your heart I've called my home

© JL Smith

And I swear to God
I'm not strong enough
To face this pain again
I felt something was there,
But not to this extent

My **** heart will never learn
You've obliterated it to pieces
Investing trust and secrets
From all its deepest creases

Before I lost a lover,
But now my closest friend
You're selfish and you know it
You've lost nothing in the end

Go on, get back to living
Your life before I arrived
Pretend this heart didn't love you
With everything inside

I can fake a pretty good smile
So, don't worry, no one will know,
But the one you once gave me
Will forever cease to show

© JL Smith

And when she tells you,
Tells you she's wild
You laugh and then contemplate
How she's compiled

Reserved in appearance
Occasional demeanor, too
As you seek a sign
To reveal a divergent view

But most won't notice
What's sacred to discover
She's disciplined beyond measure
Yet, an untamed lover

© JL Smith

It's frightening
The way your words
Control my breathing
The power behind
Their meaning

Deep breath
Ache in my chest
Released slowly
Vulnerability professed

Your critique, my crutch
Speech impersonating touch
Promises recast
Within my mind, steadfast

Forfeited resistance
Ears attuned to your voice

Heavy breathing
Rapid beating
Words imprinted
On the walls
As our hearts rejoice

© JL Smith

Today it almost slipped
Those words right off your lips
You know the ones I speak of
As our bodies aligned
Eclipse

And in my chair
Haphazardly
I sat, not scared to fall
You walked right up
Behind me
Leaned over me and
Stalled

Remember when you
Whispered
My name into my ear
I almost felt you say it
Those words I know we
Fear

I often wonder what it'd sound like
Not to read them or
Imagine in my head
For you or I to claim it
And yet we hesitate
Instead

© JL Smith

You took this heart
And devoured it whole
Digested it in pieces
Lunging after my soul

You dimmed the light
Gleaming from my eyes
Coerced tunnel vision
Blue to black skies

You silenced my dreams
Bringing nightmares to life
Sleep deprivation
Demon wielding a knife

You belittled my spirit
Envious of my growth
Made me pay in your anger
Sworn to secrecy,
Hidden oath

© JL Smith

I'm wasted on your words
Held hostage by your speech
Hanging on to syllables
Their emphasis and reach

The tone you chose is subtle
Distress unfolds to peace
Annunciate your authenticity
Lest my intoxication cease

© JL Smith

For months
I've locked the deadbolt
To this
Battered heart
A few keys
Have tried
To open it
Failing the part

And as another
Comes and goes
A secured gateway
From the start
I've forgotten
All Along
Who holds my master key
The One who never departs

© JL Smith

You ask me
To go for a swim,
But you stand there
Treading water
As I drown
In the
Deep
End

© JL Smith

Knock on my door
After the sun sets
When the world goes dark
Before I regret

Grab my hand
Lead me into the unknown
Caress my cheek
Your lips on my collarbone

Force my memories to fade
The ones you know well
Speak truths to me
Our secret, I won't tell

© JL Smith

You're like a
Bad habit,
A fever I can't break

Like a
Natural disaster,
Devastating earthquake

You're
Yesterday's promise
Today's heartache

And I expect you
To give,
But all you do is take

© JL Smith

And if I would have loved myself
The way I loved you
I wouldn't know the pain
I do

© JL Smith

If your eyes
Were the only set
To read my
Candid thoughts
I'd write
Until
My fingers
Bled
I'd write
Until
Words
Emptied
My head

© JL Smith

And honestly, I can't remember
The first day we said hello
Absentminded; a little shy
Soon humor set the tempo

Years passed, as we grew
In age and companionship
Strengthening a bond
Perfecting our own script

But forgive me for not remembering
The first day that we met
I promise you today
Your heart, your eyes and smile
Became a story I won't forget

© JL Smith

My head lowers
And you lift my chin
Doubt festers
As you take me in

Concealed struggle
Catastrophic tailspin
But your belief in me
May help this end

© JL Smith

Tears drop
Leaky faucet
Face buried
Behind hands

Repressed anger
Exploding rocket
Fists clenched
Gasping air

Anesthesia fading
Comfort counterfeit
Heart throbbing
To LIVE

© JL Smith

Don't lie to yourself
To appease the impostor
Break formation
Rearrange your posture

You're handed a rule book
Embedded tradition
Expected performance
But not your audition

Reject their measure
Conclude your own
Never accept majority
If you can't condone

© JL Smith

Five fingers, a palm
Rough texture
Yet, soothing calm
Diligent, precise
Your heated touch
My body's paradise

© JL Smith

THOUSANDS of faces from morning 'till dusk
The familiar, the strange
Over YOURS, I still lust

© JL Smith

Oh, how the echoes of your voice
Wake the terrors of my mind

Perturbed by deafening volume
Ceaseless in passing time

Subdued conscience
Manipulation at its prime

Questioning validity
Was I guilty of the crime?

Hush these demons, now
The evils mimicking the mime

Grasp that's what the wicked do
Attempt to create themselves within you

© JL Smith

Left out or left behind
In your shadow every time

Watched from afar
The praise you received

Admired you
And what you achieved

Your name well-known
Among our peers

Mine forgotten
Year after year

Relentless pursuit
Your path I followed

A hand-me-down
Everything borrowed

Sought your approval
Constantly dismissed

Realization in time
As I now reminisce

So similar to the eye
Yet worlds apart inside

I stopped being you
My first sense of pride

Earning recognition
Embracing my own strengths

Not ashamed of my weakness
Hope kept at arm's length

I've gained your respect
I know now it's not needed

Who I am, I always was
My own approval exceeded

© JL Smith

And most won't get it
Some never do
But it wasn't meant for them
This is about you

© JL Smith

YOU AND MY HEART
Questioning the pair

Never saw it coming
And suddenly, it was there

Yesterday you spoke
Smiled as a friend

Today something's different
I can't comprehend

Clouded judgment
Rationality impaired

Loss my train of thought
Feelings undeclared

It beats a little faster
Now that you're near

YOU AND MY HEART
The answer became clear

© JL Smith

Though the SUN chose to sleep
I awoke
With your, "Good morning"
I felt its absent warmth

© JL Smith

You caught your reflection
And told yourself a lie
"I love myself," you said
But you disbelieved inside

You made others laugh
Depicted a world full of joy
"I'm happy," you exclaimed
All part of your ploy

You didn't want to face it
Denial of your past
"I've moved on," you swore
Oh, how your demons had massed

You rebuked my offer for help
Instead you chose me as your pawn
"I'm all you need," you promised
As the naive trusts the conn

You allured me from the start
I fell hard, you stopped short
Those three words to you mean nothing
Pray my heart is the last you distort

© JL Smith

Pause like a comma
Breath hesitates
Anticipating distraction
Contemplating mistake
Throat dry as desert
Words clamped to tongue
Exchange of introductions
And we've only just begun

© JL Smith

Like anchors drowning in the sea
Eyelids are heavy
Dreams beckon me
I resist, I contest
As I lay by your side
Mutual surrender
As we drift with the tide

© JL Smith

You're deep in thought
As I look your way
Awaiting your glance
To lead you astray
I caught your attention
Like I usually do
There's the smile I sought
I give you mine, too

© JL Smith

The drizzle
Lightly caressed my skin
Reminisced by a
Past lover's grin
I paused
I waited
Not for the gentle,
The timid,
The shy
But the roar of the sky
Birds seeking shelter
This is my high
The clapping of thunder
The absent passerby
Gone is the moon
Welcome, Monsoon
My sins washed away
A downpour
Wishing you had stayed

© JL Smith

SHE was
MaDnEsS and ChAoS
Botched together
By insecurities,
Hesitancy
Even so,
SHE exuded
COMPASSION
Enough to redress
Your misfortune

© JL Smith

I have heard
The waves of the ocean
The songbird perched in height
I have heard
The giggle of a small child
The whistle of a train at night
I have heard
The melodies of grand symphonies
The rumble of thunder
And fireworks, too
But I considered myself deaf
Until I heard, "I love you."

© JL Smith

Promises roll swiftly
Off sultry lips
Kiss me, you demand
And my tongue begins to dance

© JL Smith

And so who declares
What's rEaL or iLlUsIoN
For when I met you
A L L became hAlLuCiNaTiOn

© JL Smith

Memories of my past
Forgive me,
I would ask
Not at fault
But at your feet
To earn your love
To hold my keep

© JL Smith

The race I run
Feels endless
The distance
Immeasurable
Detours denied
Mountains to climb
Persisting ahead
Hope in the line
Victory in time

© JL Smith

You say my name
Like it's your favorite

© JL Smith

The happiest ever after
I've found
Is falling in love with yourself

© JL Smith

Oh, how I fear death
But welcome your touch
That stops my heart

© JL Smith

You speak your mind assuredly
But Darling, how you've forgotten
Your eyes translate your heart

© JL Smith