you've got me sitting
alone
in my room
listening to the music you like
trying to figure you out
trying to decide if you like me
if you want me

my mother says
"he probably doesn't know either"

and i'm frustrated
because someone has to
someone has to understand
and i don't
and i have to
i have to understand
you're a puzzle i can't solve
is this something i'm doing to myself?
nothing is as analytical as i need it to be
your tones of gray are confusing me
and i can't find a way to organize
the things you say to me

but to say i don't enjoy the task
would be a lie
because it does, in fact,
make me feel alive
i want you to want me,
that's very true
but it won't be easy
to convince me
that it's okay to want you

i have memories of being told
on an old science show
that everything is matter
everything is something
just because you can't see it
doesn't mean it isn't there
a person is a person
no matter how small
but oh, how small i feel
compared to you
your magnificence is
unparalleled
incomparable
and the lessons i've learned
of equality and importance
have no meaning here
because it's not meant
to be you vs me
it's a matter of opinion
and everything is matter
even the smallest speck
compared to the biggest tree
unbelievable
that we could have the same
origins
come from the same
matter
at the beginning of time
beginning of life
beginning of me
beginning of you
we're all the same
but we're oh so different
you're the greatest building
the tallest
standing 2,722 ft tall
in dubai
and i am the smallest city
0.17 square miles
population 783
and my deep breathing
exercises
aren't working like
they should
i want to be lovely
for you
i'm not worthy
to be received
in the same manner
i receive you
but everything is matter
and everything is something
and a person is a person
no matter how small