I was a phony,
a fake.
A wasted excuse for life.
I would look into the mirror and see nothing in my eyes.
I was another artifact that this selfish world has created.
I was blending into the world around me,
you don't even notice that i'm standing here,
right in front of you.
But I don't want to be like that.
I want to be a vibrant red in a sea of grays
I want to be something beautiful,
something pleasing to look at.
I want to flourish into a beautiful rose.
I want to be like a new rainfall after a lifetime of droughts.
I want to be inspiring and beautiful
I want to be hope for the hopeless.
But since i'm not,
how can I get there?
How can I stand out?
How can I make a difference?
Am I able to do it?
Do I just not see all the possibilities to change?
Maybe i'm just afraid of change...

Voices in my head,
            wanting to be heard.
            but even in the midst
            of my insanity,
            still,
            *I choose you.

I think I'm torn between who I was and who I want to be.
Trapped in purgatory just behind the exit.
I'm stuck in a room with no windows, only doors, none of which I have the keys too.
Somedays I'm so close to getting through one of them. Maybe the key is hidden under a door mat in someone else's subconscious or maybe just beneath my feet.

I used to be afraid to die

Now I'm afraid to keep living

*I don't want to live without all of you

The wind blew in violent cold gusts
And took all my words with it
To leave consciousness barren
My pen bleeds no more.