G etting used to the fact that no matter how much we try to talk, you aren't really there
O nly way I can cope is by writing this
N ever would have thought that you would be silent
E very time I was under the impression that you were ok
W hen I asked how I could help, I let you work it out
I n a constant loop
T ired of constantly being sad all the time
H esitant about letting you know how much you hurt me
T entative about telling you what I should have told you that day
H onsetly wondering how I haven't cried every night
W ondering what would have happened if we worked it out
I ndecisive about standing up for myself or just giving up
N ever have been this low in my life
D oubt that you made the right decision leaving me

You know when you loose something and you don't really know how you lost it, and you assumed it was right where it was supposed to be. But then, just like that it was gone? That is what happened to you.

I was so certain that you were here and then you just disappeared and you know what, I hated you for it. I thought, "how could you make me go through that and not even think about how it would make me feel"?! If we are being completely honest. It was an extremely ****** thing to do!

When people first break up they usually tell people, "it was a mutual decision" in hopes that people wouldn't worry about you. Maybe it is more for me than for other people. If I tell myself that I did conflict resolution then maybe I can trick myself into thinking that nothing is wrong. But that isn't fair. BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS WRONG!

I didn't expect to end up alone, I say I don't care, but I care because it is you. I always have to put on a front and act like everything is ok and it's not. I have never been more unhappy in my life to be completely honest and non dramatic as possible.

It pains me to talk like I'm not hurt by what happened. We both can't stand to be without each other (unless something has changed). It hurts to break down in tears at 2am and then wake up and go to work like nothing is wrong.

If I'm being honest, I can't stand being a part. I'm just trying to hold on to all the moments, all the memories. It's all I have. I don't think you realize how little I have.

So excuse me if go off the grid because the near sight or thought of you makes me wanna crawl under a rock.