Now I’m ashamed
To open my mouth
Cause I fear you may not like
what will come out

Put the black ink into your glass
It turned blunt, sorry I don’t want to
Sound like a haggard girl, who went through a lot of stuff

I see the old me in you
But something made me change or break down
Cause I used to have the same mindset you have
Until I faced the realm

You’re too kind, you’re too wise
I think you’re too good to trust
I hate to be this way, but I’m like
What have I been doing this whole time?

Cause I could be all of the things, and I’m none
I did not get anywhere near my goal
Heart’s getting heavy to speak
I wish I could delete the scene

But I wonder if I’m ever right
To doubt the power of light
Cause having sun shining to everyone
I’ll find a cloud to cover the bright

Sometimes I wish I never ate
Food became pleasure
It’s how I rest

Creeping into the kitchen at 3 am - making a crime
Emptying the fridge, pantry staples
Then pretending innocent when I’m called out

I feel so ashamed that my stomach growls
Maybe it’s a habit to want to eat more?
The resilience of a kind had I had
I’m sure, would not help

I swear to have just a bite
But if I start there’s no stopping
Until I’m full to a state where I can’t move my body

I fall asleep with a thought of
What I’m gonna eat tomorrow
And wait till I come home to eat
Sitting in a classroom

The pain and guilt after I binge ate
If only I could to puke it later…

This feeling won’t leave me,
It presses harder with my footsteps.
What is it, following me ceaselessly,
Keeping me alert wherever I am?

If you ask me, I won’t give an answer.
You told me to write it down—so I started leading a diary.
Anyone would confuse my notes for a ******’s.
It’s ironic that I’m willing
To dwell in asylum.

Because—

I worry about people who don’t deserve it.
I’m scared I’ll forever be skulking from problems.
And why do I only feel happy and free
When I daydream, walking in circles for years?

I’m so happy away from you
Guess you’re the one making me at fault
Of your own patterns, of your own problems
But I can’t run away from being lashed out

I feel like ******* 24/7
Home doesn’t feel warm , it’s no longer my shelter
Stress - stress -stress I’m over depressed
Another day , slips away from my hands

Think of possibilities if I haven’t been here
Would my life be destined to go through s thing
I said I’m too broken you said we all are
You don’t deserve the pain , but neither do I  

I gave you so many signs
I tried so hard to speak my mind
But you say you do it out of love
You only find way to break me
not to make me strong

Give me a second
I can’t bear it anymore
I need a second
To pull myself together

Before I start to
Overthink
To Overworry
About everything

Oh I need a second to get out of my cage

I’m bombarded with everything and nothing at the same time
Everybody wants something from me and I’m too fed up to reply
I hate that at these hard times I’m turning my back
And running away instead of facing it with pride

The moment I wanted to step out outside ,
I realized I have no one to share laugh
And I know I have no one to blame but myself
But honestly, I get sicker and sicker each day

You might be not who I imagined
I’m aware, yet can’t help
Staring at you stealthily, while you pass through me with your friends

Oh god, you don’t even notice me
You care less to see
How fast I’m falling in love with you
Yeah, I know. I’m too naive

You’re probably a *******,
But the thought of you fills me with zeal
If I’m as good as they say
Then why am I not the one for you?

I guess I’m doomed for unrequited love

I’ve never thought I’d be put in that place
Was laughing at first, but realized then
Even when I cried, I couldn’t believe
I wish this all has been a dim dream

I believed I was wrong
Like the problem is me
But now I know
That it all has been you

You’re the one who blamed others for your mistakes
And don’t you dare to do that again

Who knows what will be further, we’ll see
Splitting up or living the same
But stop , is it plus 1 now
Or minus , in my family?