My ex almost lover slides down the page of my messages.
I've got a whole book of faces, and his is the only one I'm looking for.
I have to click the 'see all' button to even catch a glimpse of him,
And even then, it is only his back in the mirror as he walks away.

I count days, hours, moments.
I memorize lines, words, syllables.
Soon, I will make the decision to try to forget him.
The lovely ex almost lover does not know this.
He thinks (at least I imagine he does) that I've already forgotten.

But he beats a staccato song inside my chest, like a hard rain on packed, dry earth.
He wakes me every night with his silence,
Like summer coming to an end, the cicadas ceasing their chorus.  
You don't know how accustomed your ears have become,
How much you need that sound, until it vanishes,
Becoming nothing more than an echo of memory.

A week goes by before you ever realize what it is that has been intruding on your sleep.
There is an absence of the familiar,
and to keep yourself from falling off the edge into the abyss,  
'dear God, will I spend the rest of my life alone?'
(Breathe!)
That habit of loving shadows reinvents itself.


*Once, I believed in fairy tales.
Maybe, I always will.

remember me never
and forget me always

please
just please

let my memories fade away
faint as the distance stars and planets
let us say our goodbyes to Jupiter

the daybreak comes in fast
quickly to separate the satellites
partitioning off the stars from the horizon

please
just please fade away

clouds roll in,  obstructing my view
and the haze of the sun veils my eyes
it sets a fog over our melancholy scenery

please
just please let me fade away
and here I take my leave

The throbbing headache and nausea
I can endure; I've had worse.
Right now I could cry,
such a raw hope consumed me
as I thought about you, desperate.
It was still dark for me then,
when I needed you. Now it's day.
It brings a true smirk to my face
to know you are nothing more
than a night of binge drinking:
a foolish part of my youth,
a consequence of boredom.
I could not hold your liquor,
I vomited all that bile you said to me
in the hedges outside. Don't fret,
this is not a bad memory, in fact
you might never be a memory at all.
I am well. I will drink better and
far more dangerous poisons.
I am today, you are only last night.

I knew a boy, who became a man
Overnight it seemed, so unreal and surreal
The face became strong, actions honest and true
Words became wise, strength in his vanes
One of honor respect, integrity truth and charity

I knew a boy, who is now a man
Learned to love in purity, with God in his soul
Set sail on the harshest sea, knowing not the tide
To find a place in the world, is now his desire
Steps of surety towards a goal, a man of men

I knew a boy, who became a man
Helpful hand in times of need, a listening ear
Not taking for granted the wind, nor following its whim
Eye’s set on God, the eternal reward of His Own
Ay a man worth knowing, a man worth loving

I knew a boy, who is now a man