Life has changed so much.
I haven't written as often as I would like,
and I can't tell whether that is good or bad.
I just know that it is.
And I'm learning I'm not ready for you.
An epic to behold in front of me,
and I would rather stay in the Shire.
I am not yet the hero you may need.

Even those words probably show how unready I am.
For if I have learned anything, it isn't that you need a hero.
It isn't that I "need to be" something before we meet.
I need to be all about Someone before you come along.
Yes, I need to be Consumed.

I cannot fake that.
I cannot concoct that.
Conjure it.
It is up to me, but I cannot get there without
authenticity.

I can't wait to share that brilliance with you.  
The light.
The magic
of all that God is to us.
We're gonna have a dreamy time together.  
I just know it.

So,
I have to go get ready now.
See you some time.
Hopefully soon.

Love,
me.

I'm still hidden.
You've convinced me
this life is worth livin.
Out of all those taking,
I'll still be one giving.
Your life is the life
I hope they see me living.

We are not in love.
We are not the Jim and Pam of our time.
we are not poetry in motion,
or any kind of rhyme.
You and I are just
You. and. I.
And it makes sense to me now.
Right now...I believe it.
But when you smile at me.
Dull life lights up and I believe,
You just might mean it.
That my day dreams
could be
reality.
That you could be
with me
Who would believe it?

If the beginning of love is a smile,
I should do it more often.
I have been trying to love.
Love so freely
Those I do not love.
To smile upon the face of cruelty.
So sweetly.
To be free.
I think I will smile.
For a while.

Have I strayed?
Didn't I notice you were there.
Didn't I hear you call my name?
Are you there?

I have forgotten about your fame...
your love for me that endures forever.
My only request be made,
Jesus, please stay the same forever.

Even these words become about something else.
But it's just you.
Jesus.
It's only ever been you.

Oh, dear one-
I write to you from this place,
this place that I don't love...
There are so many things I'm waiting for,
you being but one.
And I often trace the wait back to my character,
my heart, my impatience.
And I have learned this isn't correct.
This is just a guessing game.
An attempt to have all the answers-
Which you, more than anyone, will know some day.
I don't want all the answers.
I want to seek the one with the answers.
And lately I've been distracted.
I've been filled with doing things, watching things, wishing for things.
But it's better than before.
I do these things with God.
Not hide them from Him.
And I'm growing.
It's painful, but free.
And someday, you will get to see...
the beauty of grace
the power of transformation.
The kindness of God.
I cannot wait to be loved by you.
But first, I am still learning to be loved by Him.
And in the end, we'll merge those two loves into One...
as we are one.
What a gloriously sweet day that will be.
See you then.

Like a river
Doubts and fear wash over me.
But you are a ship
With a life preserver
Pulling me from the depths of the sea.

I am set free.