You found me a shell of a girl,
all smiles and laughter.

You found me a gloomy girl,
who mastered her guise.

You found me an ambitious girl,
struggling to lift herself up.

You found me a fearful girl,
who trusted your intentions.

You found me a guarded girl,
who was letting down her walls.

You found me a happy girl,
who was finally feeling wanted.

You found me a mysterious girl,
retracted because your apparent disinterest.

You found me a tragic girl,
saddened by your withdrawal.

You lost me a fantasy girl,
hurt by your abandonment.

You almost had the girl,
you had her so close it hurt,
then you left her in pieces.

How poetic that the way you found her,
was the way you'd leave her.

In a relationship, there should never be a time where your partner says "But if you loved me, you'd __". Flat out.  A healthy relationship is about giving yourself to that person, self giving, when you feel ready. A selfish partner expects you to do certain things out of love for them. I'm not explicitly talking about ***, but it's in between the lines.

A selfish love is one that takes and takes but doesn't completely give back. You give yourself up to a selfish partner because you think it's going to satiate them, satisfy their needs. But it never does, does it? If you set boundaries and your partner doesn't accept them -- leave.

A self giving love is one that gives patiently and doesn't necessarily take. It's a love that constantly seeks permission where permission is needed. You communicate to express how you feel, openly and honestly. If you set boundaries and your partner tries their best to accept them because they love you as a person -- stay.

Its a raw sort of emotion to be so mentally exhausted that you start become physically fatigued,
To give up on yourself on account of the fact that you are a burden to even the ones who swore they believed.
You are a burden to yourself,
A nuisance to every one else.
Who wants to deal with someone that lacks the capacity to cope,
What do you do now that everyone has left and you're at the end of your ropes?

I pray one day that I remember who I used to be,
Before you embedded yourself in my blood and stole my sanity away from me.
I hope some night I will easily fall into slumber,
And I hope that when I do that I do not still wake to thoughts that sound like thunder.
I crave for the moment I can stand my own
reflection,
When my goals and dreams return to me and I have some sort of direction.
I will be here waiting for the day I save myself with some sort of solution,
Until then I'll hold myself in search for this chapters conclusion.

I'm a cigarette.

Your a chain smoker.

I had my five minutes of fun.

Light me up, smoke me, put me out.

I've seen the world, I've seen the lost souls.

I've tasted life and death and breathed with you on your death bed.

We're trying to get high, not die.

We've been lost for years now traveling on a broken beaten down path.

We didn't want to be another statistic that your learn about in school. 

We just wanted to be free, we just wanted to breathe and feel nothing rather than everything or something rather than nothing.

We wanted to move forward with out our hearts falling to our toes.

We didn't know, we were not aware of how very wrong we were.

Or maybe we weren't wrong, maybe we were completely right and approaching the situation so completely wrong.

We didn't ask for these decisions.

We wanted to accomplish and do and be.

Someone tell us it's not too late,

Someone show us the ******* escape.

I can't do this on my own, I can't do it without her. 

If only we could breathe with out the ******* drugs. 

We didn't want to be south side hood rats we didn't want to be thugs. 

We didn't play the game the game ******* played us.

This life has stolen everything

 from us. 

We can't even be chemically healthy enough to produce what we've been chasing.

Happiness.

Happiness.

What the hell is happiness anyways, what's the definition.

Our disposition is that we're addicts.

We aren't even chasing happiness anymore.

It started that way and now..

Now we're hallow and we can't function with out the ****.

When I first met her she was beautiful and blonde and soft and fresh faced.

Now her roots are out grown, her lips are cracked, and she wears dark circles with her dark eye shadow.

She's cracking.

I'm cracking.

We're ******* cracking.

I was in love with her, I cheated on her with **** so many times.

She wanted to feel it too.

Now here we are, sitting in the hospital room and the nurse is telling us about rehab facilities. 

Just tell us that it's not too ******* late,

That fate is real and this isn't ours.

Their telling us we can't leave together because recovery is selfish and love isn't a cause enough as a matter of fact it's quite the contrary.

Love will **** recovery.

Can recovery **** love.

Will it.

Will you be on the other side waiting after eight months.

Are you gonna make it.

I need to know that your gonna make it.

I can't do this with out her.

Tell us it's not too late.

Spoil me with affection,
Tell me about your most vivid dreams.
Your love is like infection,
I don't want to heal please take hold of me.
The butterflies that used to lie in my abdomen,
They turned into sharp tiny kicks.
I can't say that if I chose I'd do it again,
But imagining it any other way makes me sick.