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  Dec 2014 Jeannie Lynn Backhaus
HA
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If life is what we make it,
Why do we all feel this way?
I smile but they know deeply inside I am grown with sadness. This little thing called life,man I cant understand it. But even though it beats me down still I remain standing . Sick of the lies the pain inside is ever lasting from being friends with everyone just to see none of them lasted. They said they'd be here forever never thought they  would vanish. What happened? Why do I compare myself to the next guy? I should love myself. Questioning my existence doesn't help. Stuck in spiraling depression nothing could get me up. I wonder if I was the only one who was stuck in a slump, no matter how high you jump you just cant get over this ****. And you try different ways to climb it while wonder how the **** did you even get inside it. It feels like the floors are lowered and the world is rising, leaving you at the bottom trying harder and harder.
My pages blown from my
Grasp
They fly high as like
Small clouds,
Riding The winds, I reach
For that which is unattainable
Now far out of reach,
I run,
Then sprint
Then walk
As my hands now upon my knees,
Out of breath as well as paper
They flew, up and down
In to the face of an unsuspecting
Man, words he saw before he
Fell upon hands and face,
Paper removed a title seen
"The Accidental Meeting"
He looked up, and beheld
Beauty,
Smiles,
Hand,
Held out, blushing he took
Her hand, and she spoke
"If it wasn't for that page"
"We wouldn't have meet & spoke"
And the story kept a keep sake
Of there meeting that nearly wasn't,
"But ahead of ourselves we are"
As other pages
Flew,
Skimmed,
Fluttered
Through the air,
Landing upon faces here and there,
One unfortunate crook, who now
Paid a price, when paper meet upon his face,
He saw three word planted between his eyes
Crooks
Never
Prosper
And with that an almighty
"****"
To the floor he slumped,
A short post meet groin and man
As a voice high pitched,
"What paper is this landing between my eyes "
As three laughing police man
Tears before there eyes, took the paper
And glanced at became the undoing
Of a criminal on the run,
"Evidence and a good read"
Lifted to the car as
Nuts
Meat
&
Veg
Very bruised, he couldn't run even if he wanted,
Many pages flew through the air, me
Not knowing the impact my stories
Landing  here & there,
By those are for another time,
"If you see paper, words & ink"
*"Please read my stories and tell me what you think"
You made flowers
    
       grow in my lungs.

And although they

      are beautiful

I can't ******* breathe.
Im dying inside.
My mind is dead from suicide.
And i swear nothing kills you like your mind.
And time by time the sadness never fades away.
And the sun?we aren't friends.
He never wants to play.
Never.
But the moon,oh the moon.
We're best friends!
Never apart.
When I'm sad, he's there.
When I'm happy, he shows me reality.
And I'm sad again.
And somedays I'm okay with that,
Other days I just don't want to be here.
Sometimes i feel like im worlds away from everyone,like i simply just disappeared.
And no one notices,
They never do.
Being in a crowded place,
makes me feel numb.
Because dispite being surrounded
by smiling faces,
happy people
and positive thoughts...
i am so alone.
i'd prefer to be in bed
sleeping.
Forgetting the world.
Because being surrounded by people
who seem to be so fine..
makes me fall apart.
Because truth is,
im not okay.

— The End —