"teach me how to love you and I'll be a patient learner."
he whispered helplessly as we stood under the streetlight
which was flickering just like his heartbeat.
i stared at the moon behind him
trying to tune out my thoughts and ignore
all his pleas.
like a magic crystal ball, the circle in the sky
showed me my future with him
in a blink of an eye.

and though right there, looking at him
i wanted to love him back more furiously
yet
i walked away without looking back
for the moon had showed me
the tragic end
before it could even begin.

Today I have a question to ask
From the coward thieves and murderers
Who attack their prey in the dark.

Today I have a question to ask
From those who consider her as a toy to play
As she fights to keep her virginity safe.

Today I have a question to ask
From all the soul killers who take pleasure
In hearing her screams and cries while they laugh.

Today I have a question to ask
From the dark demons who enjoy 'the game'
While she hopes to die at the end of it.

Today I have a question to ask
From these monsters who fulfill their needs
As they steal away her identity.

Today I have a question to ask
From those who make her hate herself
For they leave inside her some of their part.

Today I have a question to ask
From those who feel mighty and powerful
As they curse her forever with the scars.

Today I have a question to ask
From every ****** ****** in the world
How will you pay for those innocent lives
Who were a victim of your fun and lost the fight?

Fire the **** gun and put a bullet in my head
Make another hole in that empty thing
I'll smoke the pain away in the shadows of the night
And we'll smile at each other again pretending to be fine.

"You don't play fair."
"I know I don't.
Neither does life. Or death.
Or anything that's beyond it or was before it."

They ask me,
"What is love to you, young one?"
I cringe as I whisper,
"A fear from which I run."

I want someone who can make me
feel better than I do
when I write poetry.

Desperate and drunk, I walked into a mosque for shelter
But the bearded men kicked me out from the stairs.
I got back on my feet and laughed as I asked God,
"Are you not mine and only theirs?"

Every night, I please myself with a cup of wine
It removes all the pain and sorrows,
sending me off to a peaceful sleep.
And then I wake up every morning with a pure soul
and a pure heart like a new born baby.
They ask me why I drink
till I lose myself to subconsciousness.
I guess I can never explain them how
Love finds me whenever I am a mess.
It melts my heart with a warm kiss
that separates my soul from my body
Like a little particle of dust wandering
alone with the wind, alone but free.
A little particle of dust, that's what I am
Nothing greater than that in front of You.
And yet You bestow your love and blessings on me
I beg for forgiveness, before this I had no clue.
So here's another cup of wine, I raise it in the air
celebrating the love that I found tonight.
I know it'll make me lose myself again
But I am not scared to leave my body behind.

Dance.
Paint.
Write.
Sing.


We all are finding our own ways to live.

I promised myself it will be the last time
But the monster in my head got greedy
So sorry father I took another pill
I promise this one will be the last time
Trust me.

So many different phobias in this world
and here I am
scared of you.

It was the third consecutive night that he was coming with a bottle of wine in his hand and his sorrows thrown out in the river.
He grinned as he saw her laying there so peacefully. "You should have slept, why are you still up?"

He took his tie off and sat besides her, "I am sorry baby, I am late. Let me tell you a new bedtime story.
Look at me my sweet pie, won't you forgive your daddy?"

He laid besides her and caressed her cheek,
"So, once upon a time there was a princess. Her daddy loved her more than anything. He'd come home daily and bring her gifts. She'd hug him tight and say 'Daddy you're the best.'
Until one day when daddy returned and saw her little princess all grown up. 'You can't control me dad! This is my life.' She was going to marry a guy that he didn't like.
But how could she do that? For him she was still a little child.
He never wanted to hurt her but she wouldn't listen. She was going to fly away and he couldn't let that happen.
He just wanted to tell her that he had the right to control her life. So he did something terrible that night."

With that he smashed the bottle on her grave.
"See how much I love you my little girl? Now you'll never be running away."

He sat there in the dark waiting for the shadows to approach him as he smoked another cigarette. The tobacco on fire burned his lungs yet soothed his pain for a while. It turned his heart numb and cold.
He looked ahead as the first shadow came and touched his neck. The hair on his back stood up as he saw the shadow vanishing in front of his eyes. Then came another and another.
He witnessed the last glimpses of hope die before the cigarette could end.

and though i didn't want it to rain
because the first drop
that fell on my cheek
made me
homesick.

i looked up at the clouds
and asked them
silently
if they have seen
where i
live.

the sky roared in reply
and i kept
wondering
how to decipher
it.

I saw a nameless grave one day
no flower, no tear, no stone on it.
and I thought,
how lucky this lad is
sleeping peacefully
without any disturbing!

I
hope is dying
faster than the candle light
save it, somebody save it
for its death will be mourned
the whole night.

II
love is drowning
in the ocean; deep inside
rescue it, somebody rescue it
for its disappearance will cause
a great tsunami tide.

III
life is escaping
from my window tonight
let it go at last
for its freedom is worth
every noble sacrifice.

I woke up from a nightmare. I couldn't sleep any longer. I wore my cloak and sat in candle light with my type writer. My mind was not present where my body was. I was wandering in the wonderland through my words. Thak thak thak. One by one, the memories started to form a shape. The mansion in the middle of lavender field. Your clothes laying on the floor. The family picture on the side table. I wanted you so much that I actually believed it was all real. But as the sun came up, my words betrayed me again.

Little soldiers and heroes of this country
who proved to be braver than the rest.
They have set an example for the world to see.
They were the children dressed in green.

They fought the guns with their pens
and wrote their names on the land with their blood.
Those eyes are now closed that held a million dreams.
They were the children dressed in green.

Even the seven skies are scarred that witnessed
the innocent souls flying to the heaven.
They were smiling for they were finally free.
They were the children dressed in green

On nights like these, I find myself wandering
like a drunk and lost person
to find love
in the abandoned streets and alleys.
With my heart ripped out and the taste of liquor
stinging on the tip of my lips
as I knock on the doors of strangers
hoping someone would take me in
just once
so the fear of being alone
can disappear from my mind.
Sometime around midnight
as I lay covered in the unknown sheets
a thought hits me from nowhere
like a meteor hitting hard.
What words will the winds carry around
about me in the town?
But I smile to myself to think
that the winds are no different from me.
Going places just to find
some place to feel
wanted.

In the street where every kid was wearing a costume for Halloween
Little Mike was in his regular shorts and tee.
He rang the bell and looked up at the horrific looking lady.
With his innocent eyes fixed on the box of candies
He cheerfully sang "Trick or Treat"
She leaned in and asked, "Well what are you dressed up as, sweetie?"
He looked at his feet, "I am the worst kind of monster, Mrs. Lauren.
I am dressed up as a human being."

They compared her with the mighty things
Like a volcano wanting to erupt or a delicate glass vase
Little did they know that she was just dreaming of escaping
Somewhere far away, somewhere to a better place.

I've been addressed by different names

but "mine" is the best I ever heard.

Wait.
Does she not trust you?
Have you tried looking at her differently?
Maybe she had trusted too many people in the past
who broke her trust. (And her heart.)
Maybe the last guy she loved, told her the same things
that you did.
"Don't worry honey, you can trust me."
"Hey, I promise you I won't leave."
Maybe she's pushing you away because she knows
how this is going to end. (she'll be hurt again.)
Maybe she's too broken to try again.
Maybe she just needs some time (or forever.)
Maybe she just needs herself right now.
Or maybe someone who could love her better
and remove all her fears away.
But you won't understand that obviously.
(because you won't stay.)



(Nobody ever does.)

I see all these people around
broken, trying to fix
themselves in different ways.
From drugs to
stranger's bed.
Everyone is busy in
fixing themselves.
They succeed in hiding the scars
in the daylight
but little do they know
that the scars glow
in the darkness of
drunk and lonely nights.

The icicles were melting
I knew they were
But what I didn't know was
that one night a whole glacier will melt down
And I'll be stuck between the choice
to climb back up to the top
or
stay under the ground.

No one ever suspected her for his death.
They all just saw a poor guy
who drowned in the wishing well.

They think that alcohol has replaced my blood.
Fools they are who only consider wine to get drunk.

The Earth flirts with the moon
As it steals away all the glory at night.
While Jupiter keeps searching
between the moons for a star to shine.

With a broken heart, he entered the cafe. A gush of wind kissed his face but he was too lost to notice.

"What would you like this evening, sir?", the waitress asked him cheerfully.
He kept staring his hands as he said, "Just a cup of tea."

He wondered how he'd ended up this way? Last night, everything was okay. When she suddenly climbed out of bed and went away. He woke up to an empty bed and a letter left in the hallway.

"Here's your tea, sir.", the waitress interrupted his thoughts.
"Thank you.", he  whispered.

The sip of tea, went down his throat. The warmth somehow soothed the pain. His muscles relaxed and he smiled to himself.

"Excuse me, ma'am.", he called out the waitress.
"Yes?", she replied as she returned from doing tables.

An awkward silence followed. Maybe they stared for a bit too long.

"Do you need anything else, sir?"
Butterflies invaded his stomach as he blurted,
"Yes, I need love."

You'll crave my warm kisses
in your empty bed.
And your sheets will always carry
my tempting scent
Surely I won't be there but
I'll be a sweet memory in your head
rescuing you every time
you end up losing yourself.
So darling tell me again,
Can I be your summer's love
and winter's regret?

The angels looked at me and whispered,
"No need to throw him in the Hell,
he already suffered a lot in his own
which he created or maybe the world did for him
but poor soul, look at all those burns."

I smiled at them for they did not know
my hell was my solace in the heaven
of the world.

she wanted to discover all the abandoned places
with ghosts still lingering on the balconies
waiting for their lost lovers of youth.

she wanted to feel the thrill tensing up her body
as she walked in those unfamiliar tracks
humming the forgotten haunting tunes.

and I bet
that she would have forgotten
all those sites
only if she had ever dared enough to
once explore this deserted soul.

I've trapped all those fluttering butterflies
in mason jars that are placed in my wardrobe.
They're locked so they can't fly anymore
For it's too cold for them outside now.

and even though
it scares the **** out of me
but
I have to wake up
and face
my nightmares
every day
all day
all by myself.

and i sometimes wonder who will win the war, my head or my heart, when i'll see you again after years.
my head opens its case by saying, "you don't need him cause he left you."
whereas my heart closes its case by saying, "you need him cause he left you."
and somewhere between this trial
i lose myself to my heart and mind

he's like that familiar smell of
freshly baked cookies my mother used to bake
when i was a kid.

and now i miss them and my mother and him and myself.
i guess i miss it all, every thing.

I design our wonderland
in the gaps
between the words
that I scribble down
on nights when the moon
is drunk as well.

He was the child kissed by the devil himself
whereas she was sent down from the heaven.
When combined, they extinguished the fire of the hell
and burned the wings of the angels.

The shadows of the hell called them saints
whereas in heaven they were known as sinners.

The wolves howled. The full moon appeared from between the clouds. The shadows approached me as they chanted in an unfamiliar language. I could feel fear creeping up in my bones. I was never scared of the dark. I was scared of losing myself. My heart stopped beating as the smokeless fire stood a few feet away. I was petrified. He was satisfied. I let out a cry. He passed a cunning smile. There was no where to run. I knelt down and prayed to the Only One. *Oh Lord! Please take my soul before it enters the dark.

Wearing my sins
I plead in front of you
With teary eyes
Not for forgiveness
But for help
To cover up my lies.

And I found My God in the words I wrote.

I want to kiss a stranger
in such a way that I hand him
all of myself; my body and its weights
so that
maybe for a while,
I can finally find my escape.

She had a chaotic mind
yet
he found peace in her.

Funny how I once thought I'd remember that date forever

and years after, it passed without your name even crossing my mind.