I can't believe what life for me has done
nor can i believe where life for me has gone
farewell old life i can still see it leaving
its so much back there that i miss so much
some things i can't completely let go of
somethings that i wish was still close enough to touch
this new life i speak on has so much in store
There's family, money, love, and so much more
Im about to get really personal cause i don't think you feel me
I'm speaking to you and the man above so that i can start my healing
well here it goes and its about to get deep
so pay attention real close to what i want you to see whats living inside of me
Im young black and handsome with a lot of potential
i wouldn't be where I'm at had i been more serious with those books, papers and pencils
No need for excuses just gotta keep it moving
no need to let anybody in or what you are thinking or what you are doing
be honest stay true
be loyal do you
i didn't maintain that
so now what do i do
i ****** up plenty times and still got a chance
******* i picked the wrong time to start trying to become a man
everything i got, i got it first not second hand
what made it worst is that the whole time i thought i was doing fine
i was still out of my mind still not walking in a straight line
you want me to be real,, i though about grabbing that steel ending the whole deal
if you don't know what I'm talking about I'm talking about suicide
i was  put in a position where they make you decided
they as in the good and the bad
they as in the happy and the sad
they as in my momma and my dad
i was torn between the two
stuck between what i thought i wanted vs what i needed
at thirteen what you expect me to do
moms let me do whatever, pops kept a ***** straight
i don't know how many others out there can relate
just keep in mind this is only phase 1
there are two more phases before I'm even close to being done, just read it

I Never imagined this.
Everyday I'm getting older.
This California weather and myself both just got a little colder.
Deja vu.
My whole body see through.
Don't even want to go outside anymore.
Wishing and living Godspeed for my existence.
I'm far from perfect, which is why I can only speak to and relate to the lost and distant.
I Love You Through Everything will get my back consistent.
I've been a historical disaster for longer than this instant.
I had to leave before the summer was over.
Pack my bags along with my heart and threw it over my should.
Move forward.
Find yourself.
A cross between being too emotional and being emotionless.
Bottle it all up and put it in the cold keep safe is all I know to not crash the ship.
But defense wins championships.
Make it to what feels so close.
To only find out I'm loosening my grip.
Can't even trip.
Pick up the pieces.
No Life in November, that's the feeling and date ironically the thesis.
I lost a lot.
I need more.
I need more drink.
Need more ice.
They say take chances in life so for once I rolled the dice.
But I lost one major but I'll forever at least try to fight and stand tall.
Was I working too hard?
Not enough...
Or not at all?

If I had no picture no name and just words written what would you think?
Would you know if i was black, white, puerto rican, or asian?
What about if i talked about going to jail and my mom being on drugs and my dad not being around; what color would i be then?
What if talked about my mom being a nurse and my dad owned a law firm, what color would you think i was?
What if i talked about my latina grandmother that smoke cigarettes and my uncle that smokes cigars and wheres shirts with flowers on them with straw hats; what color would you think i was?
Truth is you can't tell,
Well, maybe you can but i don't think you should judge
Because, no matter what was said, you don't know who i am or where i once was.
The important thing is that i have become someone better
Im not who i used to be
This is a different side,,So you better recognize
And get used to me.
The Stereotype....

This knife it cuts deep
Watch everything inside come out
This wound is exposing me
Watch how my words bleed out
You've seen my whole world float through my veins
Look deep into my eyes and you will recognize the pain
What i have held in so long is now free
The love, the hate, the trouble, the joy is bleeding out of me
Im Bleeding......

My heart cries out for you..
Im standing here stuck with nothing to do
Nothing to say no where to go because your love is the only think i kno..
Trial and tribulations are almost set up for me to go through when im trying to do everything in my power to make things right between me and you..
Baby im sorry i know i messed up..
I know i crushed you,,
But I apologize for my actions and i hope you will give another chance to love you,,
Love you and treat you like the true queen you are..
Glowing like a light and shinning as bright as a star..
My heart,,my rib,,my spine,,my lungs,,you are all i need,,
Without you my love How can i breathe..
How can i  see anything other than "WE"
Its been you and me since the age of three.
My heart cries out,,i scream and i shout,,
I Love You oh God You know i do
Please tell me how i can make this up to you...
My heart cries out...