When I was 12
I was hiking with my family, we sat on the edge of a cliff at the top of a mountain,
we were over looking the painted landscape

I remember looking at our feet in the empty air
and I asked my older sister:
“do you ever just want to jump..?”

She nodded and replied with:
“yeah shay.. :) I always wished I could fly too..”

and that is the first time..
that I realized that my head was different.

Because while she was
thinking of jumping to fly..
I was thinking of jumping to die..

and that’s when I started hiding my head lol
followed by a life of hiding self destruction.

I will stop.
I will live.
I will spread my arms wide
In the wind, and I will thank
The heavens for the love
That comes in pieces.
The parts are reasembled.

Get your head straight.
Love is in every corner.
My distraction never looked.
We have time..
Brush the haze...
Look beyond the gratifying.
Dig, and dig deeper
Catch the roots spilling.

It’s everywhere. Joy!
We share, we breathe, we think.
I think, we are going somewhere
I look forward to the new world.

I snap my fingers in a crowded room
Call out quietly to the one of you
And wait patiently for fate to turn
For the clock chimes to unwind
And ruminate aloud

Will your song give me a chance to hear
My words to speak

Don't pretend
that you were trying
to save me when
you were the one
who let me
drown.

You're nothing but a jester
exploiting me to win my crown.