I burned myself because of the pain,
I wanted to feel the physical instead
Of the emotional. I wanted to hide
Away, escape the anger, the frustration
I turned inward and felt the insanity.

I see you trying to play the badass
In a Japanese car, I would have to
Only laugh and say you ain't going far
So many ******* juveniles clamor for this and that
They only have to ask their mommies and daddies
For **** that their too lazy to do themselves

Get me this, get me that
I want this, I want that
Christmas comes and they get it
Because if they don't they'll throw a fit
A ******* disrespectful fit to their parents
No kid has any ******* respect anymore
What the **** happen to respect your elders
No, they would rather steal from them
And push them out in front of a bus

I say punish these kids
Take away everything the parents bought for them
Because they feel guilty they didn't grow up with
Much of anything. And if that doesn't work
Use the ******* belt on these ungrateful pukes

It is up to you
If you want to be happy
I know things are tough
And it's hard to see
That at times you make
The decision of how you feel

I've been down that road
Undecided of which way to go
And then the heavens opened
Up to me and I was able to
Understand that most of the
Time I take myself too seriously

I needed just to laugh, even though
It was hard for me at the time
I closed my eyes and let myself
Go and sure enough a burst of
Merriment came across me
Oh, how I felt so much better
Life is too short without any giggles

My mind eploding
with vulgarity
What the **** just happened?
One minute, everything is fine
the next minute, everything went to hell
in a handbag

I am such a ****** man
Learned it through growing up
I write particularly about much of nothing
My heart cries out that one day I will succeed in my dream

I know I am stubborn about love
But I have to love myself to give it away
I am prone to write about the ugliness of life
So much tragedy we all see daily

I am not fond of the road I have chosen
It seem like one wrong turn will do me in
If only I could be as strong as others I see
The ones who I admire that look at darkness and only laugh

These are the ones I would like to be like
They fill my heart with joy and they don't even know it
They put pen to paper and write an awesome poem I can only wish to write
I read these words from them and I can only feel better about myself and my day

Not so when you read one of mine
Darkness clouds my mind
I even give it a try
But am lost for words in these darken eyes

I write about death and pain
I talk **** about love and how chaos has ruined my day
If only I could write like my heroes
Then and only then I would be at a place where I would know

Things aren't that way in this perspective of mine
Beauty is all around me but I look at the garbage cans
I stare up at the sky and wish a storm to pass by
Maybe a bolt of lightning would electrocute me

One could only hope for things to go right
But here I sit not doing much of anything with my time
It's difficult to find my sanity with the way I feel
Wondering if it isn't just a dream and not much is real

I have been ******* drained
all my wants just went away
entering into a state of lesser value
trying to grasp what is true
i see the limelight and i want it to see me
i hear the voices beckoning me into depravity
i cast doubt in the face of higher learning
but it all comes to a stop as there i am yearning
yearning for you
yearning for this
yearning for that
yearning just to yearn
and my face has a blank stare
no one can save what isn't there
just a lonely heart crying for relief
trying to escape the hustle
and yearn for some ******* peace

Feeling blue, a little down
Feel like the pressure is weighing on me
So much anguish, it's hard to see
Where did I put my dignity?
Flash! A bolt of goodness
Where did it come from?
I'm not feeling blue no more

Dad, was you there for us?
I don't even know anymore
It was your personality
That I fell in love with
Even though you was a crazy *******
Time went by, you did the best you can
While mother did everything else involved
I heard the screams of mom
Hiding away in the ******* bathroom
While your anger simmered down
And left everyone else alone
Older brother and you got into fights
Had to hear it upstairs
Did I want to attack
Hell yea!
That's why I pumped weights
You''ll never lay a hand on our mother again
I'll protect you mom
Fight for you
You was such a good woman
Never deserved what you got
And then dad died
Suffering from cancer yourself
Is there such a day title the both of you
**** no!
It's like father's need a day
A mother needs her day
What if the two ******* messed up with the mess
Caused their children so much confusion?
Is it one or the other?
Happy ******* father's day
While mother did it all
Raised us kids up
Cooked and cleaned
Did the ******* laundry
Hung them out to dry
On the clothes lines
While dad had his issues
Provided as he did
Is there a day
For the both of them?
I guess not
I missed mother's day
So happy ******* father's day
You *******

My consciousness seem to float away
With no effort of mine
It wants to think morbid thoughts
Like the snake
It doesn't want to awake
Rather it wants to stay in limbo
How does it know?
Where did it come from?
I feel things will never be so
I feel the pressures of being undone
I want to sprout skyward
Into the realm of the eagles
Peace and love alludes me
But I want to feel the peace like a warm breeze
And find true love like Mother Earth provides
How can we all get along when all we want is more?
More of everything. More materialistic than anything else
I want to search the heavens, touch the Stars
Maybe then my consciousness will come alive
And break free from all chaos

We die young
scary to think
but is it the truth?
Men killing each other
over a pair of shoes
It's not that pathetic, is it?
whatever the cause
We die young
leaving behind a memory
Was he nice?
they all say that he was.
But now he's doing twenty years to life
All because of killing someone
Whatever the cause
We die young

I'm all for a new order of things, hoping it will all turn out okay. If I surrender to God as I understand Him then the days will surmount and a whole brand new life will appear.

And now I feel like a *******,
Called you up because I thought we were friends,
And now it seems like your belittling will never end.
I don't know if that was your attention,
To berate me like you were my dad,
But now I'm the one who is sad,
Wondering what gave you the right to
Think you can ever give advice on life?
I can't stand people who think they know
It all, they know Jack **** about nothing,
Always getting involved with my life,
Thinking they can control every aspect
Of what I say and do. They would rather
Look into my heart instead of their own,
It displeases them when I am content, it
Makes them sick to think I'm getting along
Without them. So, what the hell is going on
Here, I can't swallow your truth, or what you
Believe is true. I have my own beliefs and it
Sure as **** doesn't involve you.

Into the realm of the unknown
There we meet what we have sown
Calling upon the angel's throne
Cast aside into the wind that blows

Seeing life in a whole new angle
The serpent's might is there to strangle
Wasting time in the winter's freezing cold
The sun is no more in this dark fold

Why the order of the universe?
Karma has been a melody or chorus
Peace kisses the night sky
And wanting so selfishly subsides

Goodness reaches the heart
Filling the soul with sparks
The past is death's yearning lore
Marching foward forevermore

Paris, we feel for you

All the lost loved ones
Will be remembered and
Their lives will live on
In Spirit.

Hate is an evil corrode

Why must others condemn
The ones who are good we'll
Never know?

Love, it's hard to understand

So I say **** love and destroy isis!

Let them know they can't **** with us

I'm not one for sentiments
But there is love and possibility
So much hatred in the world
Why not give kindness a shot
If I am going to be free
Free from all kinds of oppressions
I have to give up the selfishness
That I am smarter than life
I have gone insane from theologies
And religion hasn't saved my soul
The past is exactly what it is
Can I ever go back? No.
I've taken hard knocks to know
Only what experience has taught me
There's only one thing I need to know
Life's a *****, no point in it
Can't I just accept there are possibilities
That are beyond my puny mind of mine
Things that can't be seen but are there
I can't see love but I can feel it
It's in the air and the smell is sweet
Why should I let there be peace?
It's because I haven't got the energy
To hate just one more day

Come along
It's a free for all
I hear a song
Playing out of tune
Is it a crow's call
I listen to
Reminding me of death
I beckon for a breath
Take away the pain
Killing me softly
Driving me insane
Voices inside my head
Wishing for the end
Last in line
For a clamor of night
And this hell I am in
Is taking it's toll
What was bright
Is now faded
Lonely road to nowhere
Can now take me to the nothingness
Inside my head

Running from the start
don't know what to do
looking deep within the heart
happiness seems to elude
finding the courage to stand
moments clash with one another
lending out a helping hand
finding hope like no other

Seeing my reflection is hard to take,
trying to come to terms with myself.
It all falls away, so lonely and afraid-
Conjuring up enough nerve to pray.
What or who am I praying to?
But by this time I just don't want the pain,
the heartache I feel so deep inside,
I want it all to go away, so far away-
feel some peace in my life some day.

Life isn't fair
I am aware of the pain
So much of it
No beauty to be seen
Just the darkness all around

I look out my window
And the darkness hits me in the face
My eyeballs want to pop out of their socket
So much craziness to be seen
Just way too much chaos for me
Way too much drama people are causing

Life is too short for that ****
But it is here nevertheless
I see the sky falling
Raining blood all over the streets
Too many kids dying
For **** that ain't right
Because of the chaos
Because of the drama

You talk **** to me
I'll ******* shoot you
And not even think twice
Do a life bit
And die in prison

My mentality ain't right
Corrupted to the extreme
I'll run the blade through you
And leave the scene
Get caught days later
And do a life bit
And die in prison

It doesn't make much sense
I don't have an answer
Too many parents in tears
Another kid of theirs ends up in jail
The coroner is making his money
The preacher is busy praying
What the **** can we do
To protect the ones we love?

How can we survive a life of crime
Especially when it's at your front door
Can't we all just put away the guns
Stop talking **** to one another
And be a role model to these kids
But it's just a dream to hope that way
Because life is not that simple
There's always going to be people killing one another
It's been that way since the dawn of time

I will always watch the news
And hear about another ******
Another kid put in their grave
Way too early in life
Where are the parents at
That's the ******* question
They're the ones committing the crimes
And these kids have that too see as role models
It's no wonder why they turn out the way they do

Beauty eludes me
Dabbling in the darkness
I awaken to the abyss
I fall to my knees
And pray for grace
But I feel it's too late
For a soul like me
I can only see the shade
The night terrors that are made
I cry myself to sleep
Waiting impatiently
The busyness of life takes hold
And I've been down a lonely road
I've been in dire
Cast into the fire
Walking along with shame
Dwarfed between a fine line
Wondering if I'm insane
Can't seem to find a way out
I have gone blind
Missing out on what is beautiful
All because of the darkness
Gripping my soul

It's been a long time coming,
that we stand together in this revolution,
fight for what is right and true,
no matter what is due,
there will be a new life for me and you,
once we stand up to the oppressors.

The world came from nothing
Ciphers into an endless darkness
No light, like when asleep, and there
In the vast caverns of the mind it
Holds nothing sacred to keep

But even I dream, dream of beautiful things
Things that I  hold dear to me, people I love
And around to see the beautiful things I see
They can hear what I hear and feel  what I feel
And it all makes sense because it's real

The cool breeze of  the fall
The changing colors of the leaves
The sun cascading it's magic upon the trees
Everything seems as it should be

Can there be anything so right
I can taste the dew of the night
See the waxing moon shine bright
And hope there comes another time

But through it all, what if I die?
Then what, where do I go from here?
The world aimlessly rushes to nowhere
And I am caught up in the hustle
The seeminglessly vast tyrant holding
Me by my neck, waiting for death to take me

Close my eyes, what if that's all there was
Just complete darkness, no thoughts
Nothing.

Bugs, more bugs
Flying stink bugs
All over the curtain and the rugs
I want swat, **** them all
But what about their life I recall
I believe in karma, do not maim
What comes around goes around
And will affect one's name
Stay true to one's self
And do not ****
In the end
God's will

Hope is the way
It's a brand new day
No tears, no pain
And love is to gain

The line has been drawn in the sand
There's no way I'm ******* backing down
You can try to sweet talk me all you can
But can you see this expression of a frown
It's telling you you better change
I'm working on myself to be a better person
Where are you in a!l of this
Not showing me ******* consideration
No respect for my wishes and wants
It's all about you and your wants
You talk way too much about yourself
Trying very hard to puff up like a balloon
Are you that ******* insecure
That you have to make out like you're so much better
But the truth is you're hurting
Though you don't need to take it out on ******* me

It's not about me
why can't I see?
It's about you today
what can I do
to make you feel better
to put a smile on your face
and wipe the tears away
from your eyes when you're down?
To make you feel alive
and vibrant in life
to hold your hand when
there are struggles and strife
Why can't I see
it's not about me?
It's all about the family

I'm not sure you are proud of me
I'm trying my best I hope you can see
My life isn't the way it used to be
I'm living it as though it's my last
Day alive, it ain't perfect but I'm
Blessed to have what I have,
Knowing full well it can be taken
Away from me in a blink of an
Eye. So many things that happen
In this life that are tragic, it's too
Short to always be in the gloom
Need to rise up and know that
I Can't always change the doom
But I can live my life in the here
And now, smiling a little more,
Grateful for the people that are
In my life.

Chaos all around me
No peace to be found
My mind is racing
Suicide looking good
Nothing to lift me up
No one around
I try to make things right
But I haven't got very far
Nor am I close in sight
Just wishing upon a ******* star
I feel the weight
**** weighing me down
I want to hate
No one is around
I want to leave this place
Fly away to a secured island
But I can't feel my face
All there ever was
Was my ****** up sin

Enjoy moments
Time goes so fast
I was a child
Wanting to be older
A grown up, big
I blinked my eyes
Now I'm 43
I have a child
Started out late in life
I blinked my eyes
And now she's 4
Me and my woman
Started out on a high
Now it has leveled off
Like it should
It's been a bumpy ride
Filled with chaos and joy
I blinked my eyes
And we've been together
For six years

Life is risky
That's the way it is
Hardly know what's next
But it's the moments
In each day that count
Those precious moments
That stir the soul

Oh, how funny life is
I blinked my eyes
Now me and my woman are through
I left her because of she wouldn't make a decision
But I guess she really did by not making one
Just wanted things to remain the same
Things can't! That's the certainty in life
Life is always changing, moving, growing
Expanding. I blinked my eyes now it's haunting me

Take this pain of mine
I don't want it anymore
It's hard to find
The answers at the door

I knock but no one opens it
It's like I'm left in the ******* lurch
How can anyone take this *******
And like we're born to die from birth

I try to let loose the hate
And find a positive way
But sometimes it's just too late
And ******* are about to pay

I speak from the heart
It's all I got
An egnima from the start
Been saved, been bought

Which road to take
I've chosen a lot
Can't find a ******* break
Craziness is the new hot

The choice has always been mine
No one else's are involved in this cosmos
I mold the experience I've felt inside
And it bursts upon the scene with a boast

I smoke a cigar as I try to write
I jot down what's up during the day and night
Things I feel others can relate to
Ideas and feelings that want to break through
Mostly, I'm very selfish when I put pen to paper
I enjoy way too much talking about myself
I don't feel like searching my mind to what ryhmes with paper
Caper, hater, what am I talking about?
But my favorite subject is me
Without me, there wouldn't be you
I feel and believe we're all destined to see
That there are realities that are right and true
Things that are secure in the making
Beauty that makes sense
And all are gorgeous in my eyes

Why is it when you call someone
And they tell you they'll call you
Right back and they don't?
Apparently they think their lives
Are so important and mine isn't
That they think they're so much better
Than me and their **** don't stink
Why do I get blown off like that?
Am I too nice to people and need to
Become a *******, maybe then they'll pay
Some attention to me and actually call me back
When they say they do. I don't know but it seems
To me that females are attracted to badasses
And I'm sorry I'm not one of them but I can be
I can treat them like dirt and not care about them
I can show them no respect and spit in their face
Maybe then I will be respected and treated good
Cause apparently treating them like they matter
Isn't good enough. I just want one woman have
The decent courtesy to show me some respect.

The blood is what I'm after
To watch myself bleed
Scars don't mean anything
It's as perfect as can be

Fighting the urge
To keep on cutting
Here I go again to purge
Killing my soul with every word

Telling myself I ain't worth recovery
That no one feels like I do
The pain is all I see
The temptation is for real
The obsession takes a hold of me
It is a huge deal
But I just let it drip anyway
Let the blood flow
Let it flow out of me

You're nothing but a *******
You can't deny it, nor savor it
You're not a savior by the conventional sense
And all these strivings to be high and mighty
Makes you look like a fraud nonetheless
You take advantage of others
Breathe out toxic waste
Fumes of **** coming from every pore
So I don't want to be bothered by you no more
I hope you get what you deserve
Karma has a better way of finding you
Then do these words

Hello there
Am I going crazy
Or are we all just animals
Prey or predator
Depending on our mood
I know for myself I can be prey
To words and actions of others
I also can be the predator
Out to get you and yours
Everything you hold dear
I shall be waiting over there
You might not make out what is clear
And soon you shall have a lot of fear
Driving you crazy until the very end
Lost in a field of your own tears
Bloodstained by the hatchet in your head
All because of what you ******* said

Was it just a dream?
Now I am questioning it
So many ******* days
Has gone by without a word
I call you up
But you don't answer
You don't return my calls
Now I'm getting ******
Was it something I've said
Or haven't said?
I thought we'd be together
For a little while longer
But I guess that wasn't so
Now I'm left wondering
Months go by
And I'm still pondering
Beating myself up inside
The ******* I come to realize
It wasn't that all right
Just two lost souls
Trying to make sense out of life

Blaming you ain't going to do any good
All my hatred towards you ain’t going to help matters
It's only going to make things worse
I know these things but I am having an issue
A problem with not killing you
You're a ******* predator
You're a ******* menace
Such a ******* disgusting human being
I wish you dead
I wish you dead a thousand times over
And if you you should die I'll raise you back
To life just to **** you again

It's really hard to open up
Share the most personal thing going on
Then to find the one to trust
Others will use it against me
Try to make me look weak
Try to dominate me
And think they're so much above me
They can't see themselves
They're not aware
They don't know what makes them tick
They don't even care
They're out there to get theirs
And they'll stomp on people's toes
To let them know to get out of their way

Is that how I should be, an *******?
Is that how I should act, with no consideration?
My mom taught me from right and wrong
And church set me on a good direction
Now I'm not religious by no means
And can't tell you how things work
But I'm not a ******* by no means
I can act like a ****
I can act like an *******
Everyone has that temptation
I try to think good thoughts about people
But most of the time I have lost faith in humanity
I haven't lost faith in the Universe
But when it comes to the behaviors of others
I'm kind of lost for words
I can't be too ******* others
Because I have acted out in one time or another
And I'm still learning how to tame my ego
But when people just don't care about someone else
And doing all their power to make trouble
That's where I lose faith
Isn't there any hope in humanity
Or are we just ****** up individuals trying to make a name?
A good reputation is good
And a bad one is good
Just depending on how the person views it
It's still attention
And I feel that's all people care about
They want that attention
It should be on them
Good or bad
It's still attention
I know I was that way at a time
It's called being a child

So all the ones that are troublemakers
Go **** yourselves
You're nothing to me
Just a **** in the wind
We're all going to return to dust
Skeletons buried in the ground
Or taken to the fire
Either way
What should it matter?
Go **** yourselves
All the attention seekers
Grow the **** up
And leave me out of the drama

Like a feather caught in the wind,
I float away in a hustle of words,
Faith eludes my broken heart,
Longing for relief to comfort me
Peace, that elusive feeling, comes
And goes like the feather in the wind

Into the sun, I bathe to proclaim
The beam of rights and liberties
I call out thy name
But all was just a dream

Into the void of desolation
The men are at a stand still
I hear thy proclamation
And it isn't by their will

I sit outside
I stare up at the sky
And ponder who's in charge
I know it's not me
I've taken great pains to see
How wrong I can be
I try to choose what's right
It's so much better than not to
I want to live a better life
So much better than I have been doing
I trace my problems to the past
So much **** that I have said
And done has a fingerprint on my mind
Telling me I'm better off being on the good side

There's a devil on my shoulder
An angel on my other one
Weighing me down like a boulder
Lifted up like the rising of the sun
What course do I take?
Is it that hard to decide?
Karma has giving me a break
Telling me I'm better off being on the good side