Monkey business
lazy atmosphere
Romping around
giddy inside

Time to be serious
a time not to be
Words are hard
difficult to say

Breaming with gratitude
It's flowing
growing
taking stalk of blessings

wonderful!

There is a moment, something ******* stopping me
Some kind of a ******* force, I can't ******* explain it
What I want to say and do, which would cause me turmoil
Isn't so hard not to say and do these things, like a few seconds
has been added to rescue me from ******* stupidity
I want to punch my co-worker, such a *******
the way he treats me is that I'm his ******* *****
these few seconds are very precious, I hold my tongue
and ball up my fist. I take it up the *** instead of making
matters worse and winding up in prison
This guy needs to be ******* punched, some people just ******* deserve it. This guy surely does. But wherever this force comes from I'm not going to question it because it saves me from the anger within

So many things that are scary,
I don't think I have the courage.
The world frightens me,
and the people in it irritate me.
So much anger aimed everywhere,
it seems like no one is living in peace.
it seems like no one has a care,
just living life so selfishly.
Oh, how I want change,
but it only happens in fairy-tales.
I see the flaw in my makeup,
just a rotten human being who-
can't have his own way.
I have searched everywhere for-
happiness, only to come up empty-
handed, not realizing until years-
down the road that happiness is a-
by-product of right living. Oh, how-
I have failed numerous of times but-
I keep picking myself up and trying-
again and again. I have to realize that-
I have no control of others, they're going-
to say and do things that I don't like-
likewise,
I'm going to say and do things that they-
don't like.  
But we need more peace than-
what we are giving out, so much mindless-
acts of cruelty that keep us in fear, locked-
up in cages in our own homes. Well, I want-
to break free and shout it out, just like in-
the movie Braveheart, "FREEDOM!" that's-
what it's about. Not our petty differences,
it means more than that. Let us take a stand-
for our nation and wear freedom on our sleeve.

Everyone tells me, "Idle time is the devil's playground."
Maybe I want to play with the devil, insisting on others
To stoop to my level. People want me to bow down to
Them anyway, telling me how I should live my *******
Life day to day. They put ******* stipulations on everything!
Can't smoke, can't drink, can't **** someone might end up
With aids. What the ****?! Can't look at **** nor *******
Can't be this, can't be that, can't have no ******* dreams they
Ain't worth a crap. ****, I'm just a bumb, not worth much
Of anything, I like to *** and pretend I'm a king; smoke a
Cig afterward and do it all over again. *******, if it ever means anything at all, then I guess I'll live in hell, Cause I'm having too much fun as it is.

It's hard to say goodbye
Just to detach from the mess
It's hard to look you in the eyes
And not coward before my words
Letting you go like the wind
Once it brought you just as quick in my life
Like magic being seen on stage
I looked into your heart and liked what I saw
Then things were brought to my attention
And I thought then to end it but didnt
Then I failed at keeping up to my end of the deal
And you should of ended it but didn't
So through years of ups and downs
It has come to the bitter end
Too much negativity
And I can't deal with it anymore
You pushed me away
And maybe you had every right
But now there's more than just us
Another life is involved
And I pray there's no goodbye
But a very warm welcome throughout her life

The funny thing is life can throw stones
But the more I have faith in the good of
Humanity, the more easier it is to accept
The things the way they are and live life
Peacefully. Wars are happening as I speak,
And that's just the way it is because there
Are people out in the world that all they
Want to do is destroy what's right and pure
and we as a nation have to stand up together
And fight against the ones who are out there
Killing others as a means to get to heaven.
So they claim. I want no part in their
Religion. What needs to happens is a nuke
Dropped upon them. Take these mother
******* out!

Sometimes, sometimes not
I feel the inner beauty
But most times I feel ugly
As the day goes on I feel distant
As if no one cares for me
But my eyes glimpse you
And I feel your love
Thank you

Watching the world pass by
No words to come to mind
Feeling alone and lost
Don't know where's the cost

Loneliness spoils what's heard
Can't even find not one word
Watching sentiments go down the drain
Feeling a barrier brought on by the day

I feel so alone
No where to call my home
Lost in the wind
I can't explain where I've been

I look up at the stars
Sometimes I wish afar
Oh, how my heart bleeds
Nothing is the way it seems

I come to the threshold a broken man
Trying to find someone who understands
No refuge from this tornado of life
Crying for redemption to take away this strife

Ha, I knew it was you
That said what was said
Nothing much I can do
But it ***** it's the end
No more trust coming your way
I really never liked you all that much
So why the **** should I care?
Though I thought we were becoming
Two civil individuals
Since you want to talk ****
I'll talk ****
You can bet on it
That you'll never be respected again
You don't deserve a ******* thing
I don't owe you ****
So why all the ******* hype?
Are you jealous
Or just want to make a ******* scene?
I know I ain't right
But at least I know this
And am trying to correct my life
All the talking **** ain't affecting me
You're just wasting your ******* breath
So leave it the **** alone

I'm alone with my thoughts,
how many times do I cry?
At what length, at what cost-
do I find a reason for my life?

I put myself here,
the lonely road leading down.
Nothing is clear,
how much I wish I would drown.

Finding out there's no hope,
not for a soul like me.
Nothing really to show
all my dreams are just that-
A dream.

Now I'm dreaming to drown,
what a way to go out.
I've been a fool and a clown,
someone who always has doubt

No legacy to leave behind,
what am I waiting for?
It seems all dark, no sunshine-
the water is calling my name.

It hurts
to think why
The days are passing by
there once was life
no cursing the sunshine
Once was hope
a reason to live
but all seems lost
lying down to die
waiting to be judged
by the night

The world revolves around you
And everyone in it
You talk a good game
But most of the time you're full of ****
Other times you want to decide
Just exactly how other should be
I can see it in your eyes
How much you dislike me
So ******* righteous
But there isn't anything right about it
You want to choose others' friends
Thinking you know what's best
But in the end
Your self-will won't get you no where
I hope you understand
That I'm not going to bow down to you
Kiss your ***
And pretend everything is okay
You're the ******* of the day
Maybe for the whole year
Trying to choose others' way
Not making any sense
Nor are you ever clear
You'll be forever lost
Being the ******* of the day
Maybe the whole ******* year

I smiled at you
you returned it with a frown
what did I ever do
to have you feeling down
All I ever wanted was goodness
to envelope around you
for you to grab a hold
of precious moments instead
of looking at everything so negative

You want the world
but not ready to do anything
you lay around
and complain about everything
I hear what you're saying
you're not happy with life
I don't know what to do
to make you feel everything
will be alright

I try to be there for you
but it seems a waste of time
No matter what I say and do
it seems like nothing is fine
I want the best for you
but you have to be willing to get help
The world is crashing all around
Why don't you turn that frown upside down
It ain't as bad as you think

It isn't hard to realize
My pride
Is a devious Mr. Hyde
I want to stab death
And find immortality
I want to see through these walls
Tear down  the chains that bind
**** the devil inside
The evil that brings me down
Stops me from living life
Experiencing happiness
No, the hate swells up
I lose my trust
Find no hope in anything
Longing for a way out
Of this nightmare

Quiet, stillness, the river flows justly
The waves colliding on the shore
As the ducks fly down to land rightly
Twenty of them floating down river
In sync and quacking for life and liberty

I don't see them waging war
Only a little quarrel for food
One can learn a lot about ducks
Seeing them fly with purpose
As they take off to begin a knew
Elsewhere, the cold weather
Causing them discomfort

I see their heads bopping up
And down in the waters,
Searching for their meal of
The day, making it count, the
Best fishermen of all

So many people talk about love
Do they really know what it is?
I feel I'll leave that feeling up to God
He's bigger than my corrupted heart

I loved once a long time ago
We were young and full of *****
But things changed like they always do
But get me to understand that

I was just a ******* boy
And you pulled down
My pajamas and put
Your mouth around my
**** and blew

How the **** could you
Of done that?

Now I ******* hate you
Now my life got ****** up
I tried dodgeing the ******* issue
I tried so hard to forget about it

I never once thought about
Telling someone
That didn't even entered
My mind

I don't know why
But all I really wanted
To do was to bury it
Deep down in my soul

Now I'm ******* letting it go
It will never hurt me again
What you ******* did will
Never wake me up wondering
If I should ******* **** myself

All the ******* confusion will
Never bother me again
I'm letting the skeletons out
And saying ******* goodbye
To your ****** up sin

I look into the void
Nothing left of me
Pressure building
Jump start my heart please
I see so many faults
But I don't ******* judge
Who the **** am I
Just a sinner lying naked under this sun
I *******, thinking of you
Your skin is so smooth to the touch
I wish for you back
But I'm out of touch
So here I am alone once again
With my **** in my hand
I'm such a *******
Don't make much sense
I'll shoot you
A drive by coming at you
Messed me all up in my head
Now I'm wishing you dead
I'll huff gasoline to feel numb
How the **** did it come to this
Now I'm ******, coming undone
I paid my soul to the devil
Lying through my teeth under this sun
Through it all I won't stoop to your level
I'll **** it all up with the way I drink
Here's how I ******* think
**** it all, I can't get up
Too many pills, who's to trust
Reaching for the nine
It would be better if I wasn't around this time
A devious smile comes across my face
I'll put myself out of my ******* misery
Not even God can save me, no ******* grace
It's all ******* over, time to let go of this place
Find my way into the sky, it's better off if I die

My life seems so much ******* better than I ever thought it was. I try to be ******* positive but there is so much **** out there that isn't. I try to have a positive outlook on life but what the **** is right when I turn on the news and see ******* killing each other and ending life. Who are you to ******* decide to take out someone but if I was in your position I probably do the same thing. There are so many ******* that need to be hung, a bullit put to their brain and their blood spilled all over the rug.  **** it, shoot them out on the pavement,  line them up and have a firing squad blow them the **** away. I want to be like a serial killer, so many ******* that need to be dead today. I see them walking the streets, I hear it on the radio, turn on the news, I see them taking advantage of me and you. Getting rid of the nuisance would be so much better.

The days are numbered
It feels all the same
Why all the busyness
Just driving me insane
Can't escape the illusion
Of wandering days
Time runs deep
And then slips away

Something is wrong with me
Can't figure it out
Can't put my finger on it
Swirl it around like an ice cream cone
All wishing has disappeared
Can't take another breath without hating
Something has gripped my heart
And ******* won't let go
What the **** is it?
I call it insanity
My mind aching with suicide contemplations
Wouldn't it be nice to do myself in
But I am such a ******* coward
So I guess i'll live this struggled life
And keep ******* about it
Woo, woo!

Looking for the answers, the truth within
Praying to the heavens, searching from without
The secrets that I told myself, the attitude to destroy
Scars of ashes all up and down my arm
I wanted to feel the physical
I wanted no emotional
The actions I caused because of self-harm
I couldn't see anything beautiful
only the darkness plagued my senses
I spent years of self-doubt
killing any hope of a normal life
Now there is only the insane
and still I feel my own self-pain

I blamed you
For the way I turned out
My depression
My anxiety
I felt betrayed by you
So many ******* tears
I just wanted to run away
Climb a mountain
And jump off into the deep
I felt worthless
A *******
The hatred seeped in
And I wanted you dead
I prayed again and again
For God to release this pain
But nothing came
I cried for a lot of many days
Years of wallowing in self-pity
Filled with a hate that wouldn't go away

The more you nag
The more I want to leave
Our relatonship has a snag
It's been that way for weeks
You want more of me
I want to break free
And not be like you
Rather be more like me
I want to scream
You have me do everything
I'm not a slave to your needs
But you'll have me sink to you disease
I don't want to go that way
I'd rather be over there today
In a place where I'm wanted
And can be myself
Not what you'll have me to be
If only you could see
How much you're pushing me away
And all I want to do is be myself today

I can't stop the madness,
the sickness inside my head.
there is just way too much sadness,
so much fear and dread.
I don't want to be an adult today,
I'd rather hide or run away.
I don't want to play games
so much responsibility driving me insane.
I happened to blink,
years have passed by,
nothing for sure in my life,
except a handful of loved ones,
making me accountable to do what's right.
And there in the midst of it all I find
the courage to stand tall,
and break down these walls.

I can't look into your eyes
You know me so well
You know when I lie
And when I don't
Much of me isn't right
But you don't judge
You look at my good qualities
And you want to be a part of my life
I don't deserve you
But you don't care
You tell me you love me
that you'll always be there
To catch me when I stumble
You're such a true friend
I can look into your eyes now
Knowing you'll be with me till the end

Everyone is looking down
Staring into their phones
No face to face in and around
So isolated in their homes

What will we do next
Does it bring better communication
Is it a curse or a hex
A bedevilment of our nation

Taking pictures and sending them
Is really cool in my perspective
Is it an original sin
Or does it fall in a good objective

Technology is reaching the stars
Finding knowledge we couldn't find elsewhere
Holding moments of what we are
And taking these unspoken words to new heights

Too many times I've cried
Not knowing where I'm going in life
I wonder if things will get better
But I still remained lazy
I thought the world owed me
Just because I was a victim
An act of total disgrace
I wallowed in it for years
Blaming God for turning his head
I never once let it go and forgave
I swelled up with hate
And drank myself to oblivion
But I still remained lazy
Suffering consequences after consequences

Peace searches for the one who tries to find it;
radical thoughts triumphantly plaguing the
mirror's glare, not comprehending the circle
of fiends beguiled by the heart's stare, longing
for  standards to uproot the consciousness and
let go the busyness of the times.

I have come to realize that I'm the biggest hypocrite of them all
Sometimes, more so than I would like, I can't stand myself
I say a lot of good **** but don't back it up, I stay lazy, confined
To these walls of solitude I have created for myself. No one really
Knows the combination, it has taken many many years of changing
The password that I ******* forgot myself. What truth am I trying
To claim, when there is just lies deep down in my soul and the more
I live the more I find out the truth gets blurred by my deception?

I see the glow in your eyes
Oh, how they do shine
It seems like you can see right through me
So many things I want to say to you freely
My tongue is ******* so tightly
It seems like I can't speak
And being around you makes me nervous
If only I could say how I feel about you
It would make these days so much better
But my lips are like they are sealed
Forever shut in it's place
I need encouragement to talk
If only you would take my hand
But it seems like I'm at a lonely walk
I wish you could understand
That I do wish we were together
It would make these days so much better
I would kiss you gently on your lips
let you know everything will be okay
The time we will spend together will light up
And there will be magic in our days
If only I could say one word to you
If only I could say hello

All you do is ******* take
Take! Take! Take!
All you want is all of me
And I can't give it to you
I wish I could but it's wishful thinking
Wishful thinking like a dream
Like wishing upon a star
It's not as it seems
We won't last forever
And it just won't be
So leave it alone
Why all the fuss?

There is a sound
It's the sweetest sound I know
It's when my baby girl says,
"I love you daddy"
Everything that is going on stops
My heart melts
And I know all will be well

I see a thousand tears you've cried
Worrying yourself over a guy like me
I want to wipe them away from your eyes
And tell you that everything will be okay with me
There's no need to worry, I'm a big boy
If I happen to choose wrong I'll pay for it
And there's nothing you can do to save me

I feel like the fool,
Trying hard to impress you,
Trying hard to invite you,
But it's all a lost cause,
The reason being is I have flaws,
And no one really likes that.
I can't see myself any other way,
But you can't understand what I say.
I feel less than, been that way for a while
Through everything, all the fires and trials
I come to a place where I'm in dire need,
Sacrificing **** just to be pleased.
What the **** does that mean?
Am I alone in this ******* daydream?
Does it mean you won't talk to me,
Just because I seem differently?

Sometimes I think the Universe is out to get me
Sometimes I think
Most days it's okay
I feel a connection with God
Now I know I cuss way too much
Say things that aren't very politically correct
Really, my words are totally ****** up
But I believe God doesn't judge
And if I feel His love then I'm doing pretty **** good
Even if the Universe throws me some curve *****