I can not see my hand in front of me
It's being swallowed by darkness
And maybe that's a good thing
Because the dark can hide scars better than any long-sleeve can

And that's why I love it so much
Because I never have to look at those horrifying lines at night
Those purple-pink scratches that have formed a moat around my wrist
But the thing about this moat is that it is too good at keeping the dragons out
Fire-breathing thoughts that storm into my castle

And don't they understand why I wear bracelets?
Apparently not because they ask me far too often
And I always have the same answer
Invisibility
Because it's the truth
These bracelets hide battle wounds better than metal armor
Because these bracelets are my armor
And these razors in my drawer are swords that are more familiar than the back of my hand

And yet, nobody ever notices
They never notice when I wear sweaters in 70° weather
Nobody notices the days I fidget with my sleeves because they aren't long enough
Because nobody ever pays attention to the sad girl
Nobody, except her razors

I have been having trouble trying to sleep lately and I wonder if it's because I'm scared for tomorrow, or if I just don't want to let go of today.

Dear Me a Year Ago, 
If I did my math correctly you just started high school, and I'm going to tell you right up front it's going to be hell. But you are going to meet some of your closest friends this year, you are going to learn a lot, and you are going to change. You are going to have some of the best and worst moments of your life this year. But if I had to give you some advice, it would be this---

Laugh. Smile. Cry. Make mistakes. Then make more. But never make the same mistake twice. Step out of your comfort zone. If someone compliments you just say thank you. If someone waves to you wave back, this person may end up as your friend. Don't bottle things up. If you are scaring yourself go stay with a friend, don't be alone. Light **** on fire, trust me, it helps. When you find out your aunt has cancer don’t fear the worst. Don't take yourself, or others too seriously. Beware of *******. Don't live in the past, but don't live in the future either. If someone invites to do something, go. Don't hold on to those who've hurt you. Don't let anxiety rule your life. Know that there is still hope. If you need someone to talk to, message them, call them, anything, they will listen and it will help. Have emotional breakdowns. Then have more. Be yourself. Wear band shirts everyday if that makes you happy. Know that it's okay to be weak, and it's okay to be strong too. Know that there are people who care. Breathe. Remember the way it feels to be happy, because that will pull you through the worst days of your life. Keep playing guitar, you will start to **** less eventually. Listen you your music too loud. Remember relapse happens, and that's okay. Write ****** poetry, because that seems to help too. Break into abandoned places, just to see what’s inside.  Drink copious amounts of coffee. Make stupid decisions.

But most importantly stay alive. I know this sounds cliche, butI promise things can get better, and I am still trying to get heal, and it's hard, and there are still days when I don't want to do this any longer, but it's getting easier to get out of bed in the morning. So keep fighting  this, and never give in.  

Sincerely, 
A better you

Woman are the most dangerous people on the planet. And yes, I said people. Not some flimsy model you see in a magazine not some girl playing with dolls I mean Woman. A person. A living creature set upon this Earth to manage somehow the messes that men make up. A person whose entire being is creating and giving life, who without we would almost virtually go extinct.

   See the thing Men don't realize is that whilst in the figurative kitchen, the woman is (I'd hope) planning on some way to **** him. Because there's a fine line between asking somebody to get you something in the case that you're lazy, and degrading who they are to the point that you think their sole purpose is breathing for your ****** needs.

   As much as I hate to admit it and that it disgusts me in a way, I came from my mother. If you think about it we were all pushed about of a birth canal, put forth in the light. Screaming because holy **** it's cold where am I what am I who are you? A woman whom you'll end up calling mom has put you into the world and she could have taken you out before you were fully formed. Babies are clay ready to be molded only we aren't supposed to be the molders, we just help shape it.

   See the reason that I want to be a woman is that I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I feel guilty being a man. I am guilty for what man has done what man continues to do. Sexism goes both ways but you cannot tell me it doesn't lean towards her than it does him. If I were a woman I would be powerful. I would be ****. Even if I wasn't **** at all I would rock that skirt harder than I do my skinny jeans. I would laugh with my girlfriends I would wear makeup and not wear makeup and be what guys like to call a ***** cause I don't want to blow them. Blow yourself *******.

   What I cannot change is the fact that I am a guy. I say guy things and do "guy" things. I smoke **** with my guy friends and sometimes let out a remark I hate myself later for saying. I think more about ******* than I do about what's happening in our government, but don't let that make you think that I won't stand against my male friends for woman. That I'll let them give me **** for wanting to wear a skirt or a woman's shirt. That they can get off with calling my friend a **** cause she sleeps with the same amount of men that my guy friend does woman. I know I'm not the best example of feminism in men but at least I'm trying to be something different than the same old sexist thread.

My problem is not the society,
it is the way your minds work.
My problem is not the school,
it is how you imprison us.
My problem is not the laws,
it is the way you interpret them.
My problem is not the people,
it is how they crave for superiority.

And don't even tell me I am too young to understand all the ******* you keep on feeding us. We know the difference between things that can empower us truly and things that are cruel.

It's amazing how one moment of weakness can change everything.