Do I love my country?
Do I love my country?
Do I love my country?
To the question above, I simply reply ‘Yes’
But the more they ask, the more I question
Do I really love my country?

If I do indeed love my country
Why thoughts of migrating keep invading my mind?
Why do I feel like just running away?
Why do I feel as though there’s no hope?
Why am I, why am I not doing anything about it?

If I indeed do love my country
Why is it
That when the national anthem is playing
When in the past, I stood still wherever I may be
Frozen in my path and in my actions
Do not even dare to wipe a sweat
But now, but now,
It’s so easy to joke and to play
To tickle and to sway
To laugh with friends
When the Negaraku is being played

If my country, I do indeed love
Why is it that I look forward to National Day
For its holiday
And not for the reason of the day

I question myself again
Do I love my country?

There was a time of peace
Now a distant memory
These battles have left me wounded
Alone and scarred
Here lying on this ground
In the end, I realize
I was not against any other
I was only at war with myself

this is a follow up to Battles, a poem i wrote a little more than a year ago.

Down here on this ground
I lie here
I could not move
Overwhelmed
Overcame

When i thought i could not go on
I heard a voice
A still small voice
Calling me
'Child, my child.'

I reached out but no words escaped my mouth
I could only bask in the beauty
I could only lie amazed
I chose to only
I chose to just surrender

Love enveloped my deepest soul
Peace everlasting overflow
Now this battle is not my own
Now this battle, i do not stand alone

as i plugged in my earphones
i drown out the crowd
familiar sounds fill my ears
as opposed to meaningless chatter
here i found solitude
here i found peace

i was once colorblind
everything i see was in gray
but once your lips touched mine
i now see in multi-color

so this is blue
so this is red
so this is yellow
but of all the colors i see
i love your color the most

will we stay in touch
will we stay friends
or will we part ways
when this all ends

when grad caps fill the air
when we walk out of this place
will we still say hi
or will we just pass by

but for now i know
for now i'll live
for today is the day
that we're still friends

and that is all that matters

Again I fail
Retry, but to no avail
Wish I could kick the pail
But that also I'll fail

My face went pale
As I set sail
Might need some ginger ale
But I could only wail

In comes a male
Said he, "I'll throw you off the rail"
Again I wail
All because of this mail

Guess I'm going to jail
All I have is my pail
As I walk, as I flail
He is now wagging his tail

How does it feel
To **** me each day
With your presence
When you are near
When I see you in his arms
I die a little inside
Knowing I could not be
The man you want
For the man I am
Is not the man you desire
And the man I long to be
Could not be the man you would want too

It's definitely not fair
Not fair I say
Not fair they say
And quoting The Script
"For when the heart breaks it don't break even
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay
I'm falling to pieces"

But not anymore
For I've decided to move on
And you'll remain a memory I have
And you will now be somebody I used to know
Now, no more strings attached
I'm going to be who I want to be
And not who you see me to be
So, here and now
All I'll say is
Goodbye
Just goodbye
For if I wish you well,
I would be lying
Though I no longer hate you
I can't bring myself to wish you luck
So, just goodbye
Goodbye

what should i wear today?
should i be dressed in white?
or should i mirror the passing night?

should i be in green?
but of life or of envy?
or should i be in purple?
but of royalty or of poison?

should i choose red?
for red is the color of love
but also the color of rage

or should i go blue?
of calmness or of sadness?

what should i wear today?
who should i be?

i can't read
so i write
i can't chew
so i bite
i can't walk
so i talk
i can't praise
so i mock

so here i stand
in my mouth a sock
in shame i stood
where i was mocked

She said she's on fire
I wanted to believe her
But after all the things she said
After all the lies she made

I just ignored her
Don't need to believe her
And now that I ignored her
I somewhat regret it
Cos now she's dead

In your silence, remember my voice.
In your tears, remember my laughter.
In your sorrow, remember my joy.
In your grief, remember my words.
In confusion, remember my lessons.
In your anger, remember my patience.
In your loneliness, remember my presence.

In your memories, remember me.
For in your memories, I will live on.
And my legacy, passed on.

And finally,
In my passing, remember to live.

i hear the thunders roar
i hear the rain as it pattered my window panes
i hear my heart beating as my eyes shut tight
i tried to run but i hear You call
"I'm here" was all i heard

She broke his heart.
He said they're fine.
But he know it's not.

He went to sleep.
And in his sleep
She came to him.
He shunned her out.
She came again.
He asked her to stop.

He knew she tried to apologize.
He knew he should forgive.
He could not bring himself to do it.
But he knew it's the right thing to do.

He went and searched for her.
He saw her new beau from afar.
It made things harder.
But he knew he had to.

He found her.
He said "Hi"
And with that, he finally forgave her.
But they can no longer go back to where they were.

And then, he woke up.
Knowing that it was just a dream.
For it will not happen to him.
For she does not know how much she's hurt him.
For she has a new life now.

And now, he's conflicted.
For he does not know what to feel anymore.

I ran
I ran
I ran
I ran as fast as I can
I ran all the way to Iran
Just to see if I can

He sits down
His every breath weaved with sighs
He sees the sun outside
He sees children laughing and playing
He sees their smiling faces
He looks deep within
He can't seem to find it in him
He questions if this is what it means to be happy

drown me out
hide me with a cloak
make me invisible
more than i am right now

i don't want to shine
i don't want to be out there
let me blend with the crowd
let me not stand out

for every time i gain
just a tiny ounce of confidence
to just try again
i end up disappointing

so, not again
not anymore
just drown me out
i don't want to be seen

With bated breath he waited,
From dawn till dusk he waited,
From dusk till dawn, he waited again,
He waited till he waits no more,
For bated breath is no more,
For breath itself, is no more.

...

Fly me to the moon
Sink me to the sea
Bring me where you go
Throw me where you aren't
Whatever it is,
Just get me out of here