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Jade Padilla Jul 2016
i sat in the sun
she told me, you're doing just fine ***
while i spoke to an angel
my heart was nothing but faithful
the seams of this room turned to paint
let me assure you this isn't a complaint
my hands may have started to tremble
and my mind did rush to say how does this resemble
this was all sorta trippy
before you fall for this mess of a hippy,
just know my mind sometimes turns blue
but i'll always share my words with you
  Nov 2015 Jade Padilla
david badgerow
"Forget her," he said

"Like waves forget the
sand on the beach when
tide goes out. Like dew
drops forget moonlight
when a sunbeam makes
them blush in the morning."

But I am not as forgetful as water.
I am a tree standing tall in an orchard
with snow around my ankles and my limbs
shivering in shirtsleeves but I won't for a minute
forget the springtime. Or the sunshine and how she
danced through it underneath me. I will always remember
that summer we spent in fields together laughing at
dragonflies lighting on nettles and catching the
warm breeze in our hair. She was a fully
shaken Polaroid. A postcard.
A Memoir.
  Nov 2015 Jade Padilla
muteD
Please,
Tell Me.

How Do I Move On?
How Do I Start Over?

I'm Afraid of Failing,
Of Losing Everything
Which Is Irrelevant,
Since I Already Did.

The Pain I Feel,
Leaves Me Speechless.
I Thought I Knew Hurt
But What I Thought I Felt,
Doesn't Even Compare
To What I Feel Now.
I Feel Like Someone
Has Emptied Me Out Of
Everything.
To Ever Have Thought That She Cared,
That She Didn't Actually Hate Me
Was Ignorant,
And Completely Foolish
Of Me.

Part Of Me Feels Like
I Deserve This.
And I Don't Know...

Maybe I Do.

*All I Know Is That I'm Tired.
I'm Tired Of The Pain.
Bleh -.-
  Nov 2015 Jade Padilla
kailasha
I'm in the dark deep trenches of self esteem
and have summited the mountain of self hatred.

My head is not an empty box,
my mind does harbour dreams.
I wish for stars and gold
for claps in rhythmic tones

but instead i sit and cry on about
how i just can't.
can't even bother to capitalize my i's anymore
Jade Padilla Nov 2015
Writers block is an odd thing, I have so many thoughts and emotions yet no words to explain them, no rhyming words in the dictionary of my mind to roll of my tongue. I sit and try to stop my hands from shaking, the sadness is ready to shoot from my fingertips into any willing victim. Writers block is like a child who is attempting to build a castle of blocks yet cannot find the right way to position the blocks in a graceful enough way. My hands shake but deny the brain the satisfaction of moving over the keys, they will not allow me to accept my feelings “No,” they say “the numbness will take care of that for you.” I scream at my hands to move, to type the words I need to let out before they spill out of my eyes onto my mothers shoulder, before they break through my skin reborn as the color red. Please, I beg my hands and my brain to open up, please let me love how her cheek feels against my palm, please let me sleep, please let these blocks be an open gate not walls any longer. I sit and write in an almost empty classroom, I am invisible here. My hands allow me to move because my brain is telling me at the same time “No, they do not care, they do not know you are a prisoner.” My body is cruel to me, but I suppose it is payback for the way I have deprived it from all things good. I hope in my years, my body and I will become one.

— The End —