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Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
I can't wake from this living dream
The way I only seem capable
Hiding the gravity that is She
Inwardly denying I am hiding
Loss that profoundly causes
Creates folly and time to reflect
I am unwanted longed after not
Only longing, to never hold then
Again as I move motionless
Present only in the memory of when
Never coming again the way
I peel open my Inward prison
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
Did it again, my selfish self
Confessed when best left unsaid.
Years fall short of such as my woes
As does the wisdom years grant
Meaningless none the less
These foolish things ones heart does
If that heart won't let go regardless
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
Is it alright, when my eyes fall
In thyme with your smile?

Was this why that light fades
When yours find mine?

I could be insecure, casting signals?
You are gravity in a room you know?

Navigation is delicate near such attraction takes focus.

Not staring I chastise inside
Did you see my lips moving?

Fill out this form and I'll let you go
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
To not be wanted
Well, then it should be simple
No need for awkwardly
Nor is there an inkling
Same with doubts,
No more pleading
Or pretending it didn't hurt
Clean finality in it I guess
Simple. Selfish.
Not being wanted.
But not what you want
So simple isn't real
It is brutal and honest
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
Not one minute
Of any one day
As reference
Do I get to pause
Take in or notice
Any scenery but blurred
Hectic and deliberate
But this is sustainable
I do a lot to make up
All I want now is sleep
To fall off and away
I'm so tired
So tired
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
I believe in the secrets
Warm, like the summer rain
Familiar as the mirrors face.
The slipping, ticking, tock
Is in no measure accurate
The simple, binary thuggish
Acts put on in secret
Thinking they are hidden
They are not.
Jack R Fehlmann May 2020
A lot of this rotten ending
Is at its core, mine, my fault.
I know it now, as i then could not
See it for an awful, unfortunate
Though those words fail,
Falling short of all I cost, us.
So much, too much for a choice
One, miscalculation of an emotion
Keystone in importance, it was
To lie or act falsely I was not
I could not, because I was in love
With one like I never knew
Love was abundant, cherished
More so than I held for life itself
Therein lays the real reason, love
I chose to love you with all I had
Every last fraction of myself
I gave freely, I wanted for you to have
Every bit of how I was feeling
The thrill and the beating chest
Ache that made life worth living
My mistake came as consequence
The cause and effect,
I wish I had seen this, I didn't
Known before one can give,
So very much, one must have
Accepted the equal amount
Not from another, from oneself
I never learned how to, or the importance, see?
to love you, came natural easy, but
Having never loved myself.
And for this, to us
I say I am so, so, very sorry.
That this part of
Of this, of then, of us
what was, and isn't
Was my fault.  
Now loving myself
Us far more difficult
It begins with forgiving
That is where I am now.
My lack of self worth made us doomed from the start.  I see this now.  I am sorry you were hurt.  Love yourself baby as you need to and maybe one-day forgive all I caused.
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