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3
3 young sons
Gratitude
Slowly forward
Day by day

China Ocean
Tasty food
3 young sons
Si. Xie Xie.
depression, crying
no emotional support
life becomes abstract.
You strike that flint
With a mineral ball
You tinder fire
It's not special at all.
At night I lay in my bed.
Sometimes, I shut the lights off, and I think.
With my vision impaired, I begin to think and feel more.

I can feel the darkness

It's like a blanket that hugs every millimeter of my body.
It can be a comfort, but at the time time, it makes me want to scream.
As a human, I fear the unknown.
And also as a human, I naturally cannot see in the dark.

When I just lay there, I can feel the darkness hug me in such a way that I feel paralyzed.
I move my eyes around, hoping to see light, to no avail.

My over-active mind likes to fill in the blanks in which my senses cannot.
I see everything that I fear.

Every little thing I have ever spent restless nights worrying about, is there before me.
The clowns, the murderers, the mythical horrors I remember hearing about around the fire years ago.
They're all there.
They don't move, they don't speak.
They just stand there, as I feel the terror build up inside of me.
I want to scream, I want to run for the light switch, but I am still paralizyed.
So I just lay there in terror until my body decides that it needs to sleep, and I fall into another nightmare.
I say I am afraid of the dark for these very reasons...

But think about it this way.

The darkness is merely a canvas that my mind paints.  And what it paints is controlled by my subconscious.

Maybe, just maybe...

I am afraid of me.
They always think I'm dumb
That I don't understand,
I don't know what I'm talking about- I don't have a plan
I ask questions if I don't have a clue, so why is it assumed I don't know what to do?
I'm educated, I always got good grades
Why does everyone treat me like I live in a daze?
They double check me- every word that leaves my mouth, I'm never met with equal standing only others doubts
I can't vent or rant or cry or ramble
I'm only met with lectures on why my life's in shambles
All I needed was a compassionate ear
I should have long ago realized I'd never find it here
love it is a special thing that two people share
through your life together love is always there
as the years go bye each anniversary
proves that for each other. you were meant to be

and for evermore your love is there to stay
for eternity that will never go away
a very special thing that you both will share
with each beat of your heart love is always there
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