when my heart is done aching
the pain moves to my head
the feelings swarm to my mind
because simmering in my heart
does them no good
at least when they make my head ache
they are allowed to boil over
and be released all at once
captured in headache tears
that once were heartache feelings

can you hear my words
when I say nothing at all?
can you see my pain
when I smile without my eyes?
can you smell my desperation
when I'm trying hard to be calm?
can you taste the salt from my tears
when I don't shed them in your presence?
can you feel the real me
when I don't even feel it?

I used to bruise easily
both on the inside
and outside
words used to grab
me like a vise
and leave bruises under the skin
mottling my confidence
with their ugly black hue
fists used to bruise
my eyes, my legs, my arms
on the outside of my skin
leaving marks for all to see
but over the years I built up tolerance
nothing bruises me anymore
nothing can cut me anymore
nothing can hurt me when I don't care
anymore

you-taking me driving when no one else would
you-letting me talk and telling me I'm understood
you-have a checkered past and so do I
you-making me laugh and making me cry
you-have a voice that makes me love my name
you-I love you but I don't think you feel the same
you-always and forever you

Perhaps it was the moving away
As a child, to a new place
Or the figures removed
By law or by time
That now makes me love
So much better from a distance
To hold you closest
At arms length
I feel the wrenching
And the yearning
Not just as a symptom
But as the very love itself
Enamoured by ‘one day’

Came back
Survived the ride
Plunged into dark
Saw the light

I'm back!!!
I will now be posting
Regularly
I missed you all

I fell for a poet
An expert with his words
By night a whisper,
By day unheard

I fell for a poet
A hazy, giggly dream
A little boy in a teenager's body
A life ripped at the seams

I fell for a poet
Who's writing love poems I'll never read
For someone else in his life,
Anyone but me.

I fell for a poet
So I'll wait, quiet as the sea
For this feeling to fade
Or for him to fall for me