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On your darkest night
you won't ever be alone
I'll be by your side
let it out, let it go
It's okay
to cry
you can let the river flow
Song by Myles Smith
"River"
I've traveled around a bit
I like the Pacific Northwest
San Francisco Bay
Qualyxian Quest

This library is quiet
Math for my son
Tired. Exoplanets!
Maybe Trappist 1

      un pequito fun
3
3 young sons
Gratitude
Slowly forward
Day by day

China Ocean
Tasty food
3 young sons
Si. Xie Xie.
depression, crying
no emotional support
life becomes abstract.
You strike that flint
With a mineral ball
You tinder fire
It's not special at all.
Someone once said
when you're happy
you enjoy the music
when you're sad
you understand the lyrics
and that just
makes
sense
because when you're happy you don't worry about anything
but the sweet melody breezing into your ears
and when you're sad
you focus on the deeper things
the real meanings
the connection you missed before
the words
I don't burst into tears
I fall into tears
silently
gracefully
like a practiced maneuver
like a missing piece falling back into place
I fall into tears
like they can somehow protect me
At night I lay in my bed.
Sometimes, I shut the lights off, and I think.
With my vision impaired, I begin to think and feel more.

I can feel the darkness

It's like a blanket that hugs every millimeter of my body.
It can be a comfort, but at the time time, it makes me want to scream.
As a human, I fear the unknown.
And also as a human, I naturally cannot see in the dark.

When I just lay there, I can feel the darkness hug me in such a way that I feel paralyzed.
I move my eyes around, hoping to see light, to no avail.

My over-active mind likes to fill in the blanks in which my senses cannot.
I see everything that I fear.

Every little thing I have ever spent restless nights worrying about, is there before me.
The clowns, the murderers, the mythical horrors I remember hearing about around the fire years ago.
They're all there.
They don't move, they don't speak.
They just stand there, as I feel the terror build up inside of me.
I want to scream, I want to run for the light switch, but I am still paralizyed.
So I just lay there in terror until my body decides that it needs to sleep, and I fall into another nightmare.
I say I am afraid of the dark for these very reasons...

But think about it this way.

The darkness is merely a canvas that my mind paints.  And what it paints is controlled by my subconscious.

Maybe, just maybe...

I am afraid of me.
They always think I'm dumb
That I don't understand,
I don't know what I'm talking about- I don't have a plan
I ask questions if I don't have a clue, so why is it assumed I don't know what to do?
I'm educated, I always got good grades
Why does everyone treat me like I live in a daze?
They double check me- every word that leaves my mouth, I'm never met with equal standing only others doubts
I can't vent or rant or cry or ramble
I'm only met with lectures on why my life's in shambles
All I needed was a compassionate ear
I should have long ago realized I'd never find it here
love it is a special thing that two people share
through your life together love is always there
as the years go bye each anniversary
proves that for each other. you were meant to be

and for evermore your love is there to stay
for eternity that will never go away
a very special thing that you both will share
with each beat of your heart love is always there
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