Sometimes I feel trapped in this life.
I feel trapped in this body and this mind
and I don't know how anyone can go feeling like this
How can anyone be expected to on like this?
I understand school is important but then again there is that huge
difference between a healthy amount of challenge in order to succeed
and then being so stressed about school that you break down and cry

They say life gets better and what not
but sometimes it doesn't
whenever therapist speak about recovering they tell you a wonderful story where you life gets better and all this ****
but they fail to mention all the lives lost to a tragically beautiful disease
because that's what depression is
its tragically  beautiful because you may have suicidal thoughts or feel really low but in the end you embrace the disease
you come to terms with it that you either get better or die trying
and by the looks of it, you're not going very far
they don't tell you how to live with the disease that's slowing taking over you life
they don't warn you that you're bound to loose friendships because despite them saying they will stick with you through thick and thin they simply don't
they don't tell you how to survive with it and that sometimes it doesn't get better.

We all know that our time in this world is limited
and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet
never to awaken yet when it does happen
it never fails to surprise us, especially when  it's someone we know
There is a sickly moment of a dark surprise
as you try to readjust the way you thought things were.
And losing someone is undeniably painful

I felt shameful
when I look into the mirror and
All I saw was a fat cow
No pills, no potion could cure my shame
No dieting plan, no journal
I felt so shameful that I was willing
To go to the extent to damage my body because I didn't care enough
I didn't love myself, I didn't love myself enough to respect myself
So I would binge eat, and then I'll fast
I would throw up just to be perfect weight
88

Although my therapy days are over
although my medications are past gone
I still get that emptiness inside me, deep in my heart
I still get that disgusted taste every time I see the spitting image of myself
and although I'm suppose to be good I've made no progress at all.

I met this girl.
She was a butterfly but didn't know how to fly.
This butterfly was sad and her wings seemed as black as her perspective of life
This girl, this butterfly wanted to fly . with all her soul, with everything that made her,her.
This butterfly wrote letters explaining why she wanted to fly so badly
and when she couldn't take it anymore....
she jumpd

I told him people were sick and maybe that's why we die