Maybe some day we will dance
Holding hands in disbelief
As tears of joy
flow from our eyes
While the field of flowers
will cheer in salute
Maybe our eternity
will come to an end
And our day will come
to begin . . . just maybe

Just maybe I hope
beyond my dreams

the sun breaks through
another night and I have dreamt of you
now I'm not so sure--

of the shape of your face, your voice
a heartbeat underwater
your body

a frankenstein
stitched loosely with memories
of closeness

when the brain unclenches
its invisible fist
slowly, in defeat

all I have is my imagination
and a better girl
is fixing you now

The sun breaks through
and this time last year
I was in love with you

the history of melancholia
includes all of us.
me, I writhe in ***** sheets
while staring at blue walls
and nothing.
I have gotten so used to melancholia
that
I greet it like an old
friend.
I will now do 15 minutes of grieving
for the lost redhead,
I tell the gods.
I do it and feel quite bad
quite sad,
then I rise
CLEANSED
even though nothing
is solved.
that's what I get for kicking
religion in the ***.
I should have kicked the redhead
in the ***
where her brains and her bread and
butter are
at ...
but, no, I've felt sad
about everything:
the lost redhead was just another
smash in a lifelong
loss ...
I listen to drums on the radio now
and grin.
there is something wrong with me
besides
melancholia.

I AM NOT GENTLE,
I am not soft,
I am not a fragile doll, so please do not scoff.

Do not look surprised by the bruises on my legs,
Do not be shocked by my lack of faith,
Do not warn me of lives great loss,
Do not tell me to not get lost.

I want to wander
And climb
And cheer.
I want to be lost,
And full of fear.

I want to fall down
And get back up.
I want to get scratches,
To be covered in cuts.

My porcelain skin
Will soon be cracked,
And yes you may stand there and start to laugh.
Though you’ll never see
The fire inside
That devoured this fragile soul
That you think resides.
Deep in my being
It will hide
Because this lion will conquer
And rule the whole pride.

No I am not a gentle girl,
This I have never been.
I have never thought of life
  As willing to just let me win.
So here I will push on
With my bruises as friends,
And conquer this world
And then,
Yes, I will win.
-ALC February 5, 2016