Sometimes I feel like miss-mashed cookie dough disorganized, inert, intense moody yet sweet, sustaining and irresistible sumptuously ****
I guess it doesn’t really matter a friend recently posted on Facebook about how everything is so important yet insignificant at the same time I responded while we are here so much feels important
our embodied emotional, needy longing self longs to feel real reasons to be here ways to get through the day things to connect us to life,
while we feel ourselves through each day it all feels important...until it all becomes insignificant then it is a completely new existence all together this is the kernel of the truth
it's strange the eeriness of it the quiet, constant depth of it the full, eternal depth of it, the fear, the space held in place the rhythmic, silent depth of it the presence, the point in simple understanding the nuance, the place the presence in it
Handsome essences stir my soul into recognition of spontaneous possibility a hint of seduction in every breeze in every vulnerably careless sensitive breath
this is another place to begin (again) do I think I am clever? who knows? when my inner alligator snaps it’s like my facade collapses I feel myself contained off from the flow of life around me
there is truth in my reflection do I dare say the magic words? some moments are so deep they are special, and try as we might we cannot grasp it in our heads at some point (I feel) we must heed the song of our truths (of course)
what that involves can be very intense (indeed) to follow the heed of our innate beats but back to reality (yet what is reality?) I often feel as if I exist outside regular time and space I feel into my life and my reality I try to feel my place in it how can my purpose be most greatly served?
how can my evolving dreams take flight? (it is very comical) all my recurring themes seem to have a running motif it feels as if my life has passed in a daze yet each year has seen me evolve deeply in many ways shedding layers, becoming lighter
I have grown my hair out because long hair in a man has often excited in me possibility the deep sensuality of what life can be it is almost like I desire to grow into me I feel there is so much more in me So much still to be set free
I wonder about how the whole year seemed to mystically slip away I am not sad or depressed I am relieved because it makes sense (in some breezy ephemeral way) It almost feels as if 2017 was a non-year the energy felt of coasting (holding breath)
I am feeling into myself (who I am) I can be so many things I can be sneaky, and creepy timid and passively cowardly the shadows of some of these demons have been deep strands in my life here it is for me…
the poems of our shadows can be rich indeed I will get rid of the flab on my belly I will have the physique (and presence) I will be such as there will be no question no hesitation that I am beautiful I will be the one people want to love I will be the one who connects easy
I sit at the edge of my comfort zone I will be the one whose art is praised my inspiration is closing in my discernment increases as life creeps in it is unnerving as I peer out to the world from my perch on the window seat it makes the moment totally real
I wake up in the morning I feel life, I feel its space I ponder myself, I feel myself I feel into truth and innate possibility is wise grace like the first rays of sun on my face
somedays I feel in between everything that goes on around me, not not in but not not out...I feel as if I am one of those people who is and who also isn't and who is something inbetween
I guess the bigger question is, does it even make a difference?
to feel innocent and pure to partake in subtle simplicity in the delicate intimacies around me my heart wants to bathe in the truth of purity unclouded by mad mixtures of awkwardly complicated life stories to gaze into pure reflection to let loose, to feel and be to reflect eloquent majesty to reflect eloquent majesty in the great and sparkling sea