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 Sep 2016 Hoping2bhelpfull
kiera
this world tells us to go to the bedroom
but i want to follow you to the park
i cannot see your face ahead of me
but your eyes are my two round worlds
and i know they are sparkling
you reach back for my hand
and pull me into you
sharing warmth between clothes
and as the sun kisses us goodbye
our lips take its place

i think you wanted the same things as me
we grow up being told that *** is the end goal, that it is everything we should strive for...i'm not sure if that's how i feel. i'm just trying to figure things out
I cry at night because I feel like I have no one
I'm terrified of being alone
Yet when someone's tries to be there for me I push them away
Because I don't feel like I deserve them
How do I explain to people that when I say I'm tired I don't mean I'm sleepy
I mean living is exhausting and I need a break
But that's just it isn't it?
I can't explain it to anyone
No one will understand
The darkness I lost myself in has me chained and I will not fight for freedom
I'm weak and fragile
My demons refuse to let me baptize myself in the happiness that everyone seems to be drenched in
And the worst part of it all is my peers think I'm happy
They see my smile and hear my laughter
They are blinded from my trembling lips and deaf from my screams
And don't get me wrong I know I'm not the only one
But those who suffer as I am fail to realize it's not just sadness
It's so much more
It's like I'm burning alive with no one to save me
The struggle is unnoticed
And even though I have so many people who care about me I feel as if I have no one because the person I want to be here for me isn't
This battle to live when I want to die is breaking me
I only live so the one I love most won't feel alone
But that loved one fails to realize I'm suffering most
I just need the drugs and the pills
I'll spend my days smelling of ciggerates and sleep
But forever isn't promised and the bridge is sketchy
If I fall just know I held on as long as my insanity let me
My feelings are a big mess
                They are scrambled together and I can't undo them
They will go up

                          and they will go down

They will change like the weather:

Feel love one minute and hate the next
             Sad and then happy
lust and disgust.

Changing and changing
I try to explain but I just end up hurting you
                   which hurts me
                                                             ­      I try to fix them
to get them in order
                and I come to a conclusion



                                                   ­                  maybe I'm just not the one for you.
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