If I could turn back time
to when I was a kid
I would redo all
of the things that I did
Just so that I wouldn't have to
relive
all the hurt that I've felt,
and the lies that
I've fibbed

If I could go back once
to when I was young
I would redo
all the of things I had done
Just so I wouldn't have to regain
all the struggle I went through
to work on my pain

If I could just rewind
to an earlier time
To change all the mistakes,
and rewrite all the rhymes
I would take myself back
to when I was nine
When I didn't know better
and the world was still mine

If I could escape
to before I was born
I would go back
just so that I could warn
My mother that she never wanted me here
But I'd show her the life I'd created from fear
I'd point out my flaws, and my anxiety
That all grew because she didn't want me
I'd show her how I was always afraid
Because I was the unwanted baby she made
I'd tell her that I never felt good enough
And how she made my childhood rough
I'd point out the hatred I feel for myself
Because I always wished
I'd been born someone else

If I could turn back the clock
and return to the past
I'd realize
I was forced
to grow up too fast

Arlo Disarray© 03/06/2021

last night i woke up from a nightmare.
my boyfriend of 2 years knocked on my door,
held a colt 45 to my chest,
smiled,
told me "i love you baby"
and pulled the trigger.
i didn't die,
no, that would be too easy.
i stood there, bleeding and hopeless
and watched him pull the trigger
with the gun to his temple.
the twisted thing is,
watching hurt more.

Clarity is like hunger-
Once you lose control of it, it comes and goes as it pleases
Raging on and off as a brush fire, without your approval
You chase it, going from hit to hit,
Seeking the brightness in your eyes and the dizziness in your wrists
Like an addict
Time is bored and runs from your command
Consume me, clarity
Take me, hunger
Until eventually, there is only
Breathing and begging

*What is it to live?

what a lovely thing it is
to know
you gave your heart
but not
your soul

yet you still lost it all
because you forgot
that when you signed
your heart away
your soul was
the fine
print.

this is what you get
when you try
to share
your life
with another.

I’ve chosen to walk
A lonely road
Where ravens squawk
As time erodes
Where the devil talks
Through whispered codes

I walk along
A dark wooded path
Where the nights are long
And I face Satan's wraith
Everything feels wrong
There's no turning back

The more I wander
The more I stray
More time to squander
The days away
So much time to ponder
The end of days

Darkness is falling
The Earth is dying
The Devil's calling
The news is lying
It's all so appalling
There's no denying

This path I roam
Is filled with sorrows
Nowhere feels home
Too many tomorrows
Too Many poems
Spreading my woes

The Devil follows
He tempts my soul
But my soul is hollow
So still I stroll
This pain I swallow
And it takes its toll

I can not save
This doomed planet
We've dug our grave
Satan's enchantment
Has made us slaves
Bloodshed is rampant

And when we crumble
I'll shed no tears
The devil mumbles
In our ears
So we stumble
Year after year
As the end draws near

I see you from across the room
I've known you for years
But I get this feeling inside
Like I just met you
And as I watch you
You slowly walk towards me
And my insides start to melt
As you get closer, our eyes lock
And I feel things I've never felt
You move me, make me wobble
Once your close enough to touch
I can't help but giggle
You put a finger to my lip
And I secretly smile to myself
Your fingertips move down my arm
Softly landing on my hip
You caress my face with a gentle touch
Then get closer until there's barely a breath between us
My knees go weak
This is all just too much
I sigh and lean in to your mouth
Your lips surround mine
Removing all my doubts
I can feel it in your kiss
And a sudden bliss overwhelms me
This electricity is too hot to miss
I go in hard, I can't help myself
My arms around your neck,
I feel you losing control of yourself
No holding back
I can't help but want for more
And in a flash
We're lying naked on the floor
Fingers, legs, hands and arms
We're completely intertwined
From our souls to our hearts
I feel love to depths divine
And there's no greater sensation
Than when your body finally enters mine
It's an overpowering friction
I'm surprised we're not engulfed in flames yet
These sparks are flying
I've never been hotter
The sweat starts dripping
We've never been wetter
The passions an electric surge
And my body's on fire
I fight the urge
Taking myself higher and higher
I'm lost in you
In your touch, in your eyes
And I'm surprised how unafraid I am
A guilty pleasure with no shame
We climb together as one
A game that we'll both win
Reaching peaks we never knew existed
Crying out in ecstasy
Again and again

I sigh...
And sleep
Cuddled in your arms
Heart and body
Safe from harm

I've got dirt in my teeth from all the times I've fallen flat on my face
Bleeding lips,
feeling each drop as it drips
Tasting the metal in each crimson sip

My heart is dying
It's simply drying out
The dreams I have of faces I've never seen
leave me feeling empty
and silent
Like all the other thoughts I try to think are banned
I'm no longer allowed to know them

Every day, I rot
from the inside out
It's all dead
The love
The light
The sound

There is nothing

Just a waste of space
with a stupid face
And a heart full of holes
that's drained into my shoes,
and now my steps are squishy

.