i hate drinking
i say and keep repeating it
and keep meaning it
because i hate it
im not in the wrong here
its just the timing
that unholy hour and the weather
my heart with the holes
home for the worms
that made it their place
safe space
sometimes you just gotta drink
because if you don't the worms will come out
and you will feel a terrible itch
your mouth will slowly drop at the corners
and without realizing
fire thoughts will start shooting
and will **** your mom

There's no one in the whole world;
Who's scared of me more than myself.

There's no one in the whole world;
Who's ashamed of me more than myself.

There's no one in the whole world;
Who hates me more than myself.

However,

There's no one in the whole world;
Who understands me more than myself,

There's no one in the whole world;
Who's proud of me more than myself.

There's no one in the whole world;
Who loves me more than myself.

With a million reason to hate yourself;
There’s another million reason to love yourself.

i pull my veins by compulsion
one by one
and my audience for some reason loves to watch that
they dont care if it gets messy
red dripping blood on their clothing
it smells too
it has a taste too
but they have no tongues to taste
they have no eyes to see
no hearts to feel
nothing
they are not even human
right now im with them
in the blank space
the large unknown place
have you seen such a shade of black
black has no shades
or maybe it does
this is definately a dark dark black
i cannot see but no get it
I DO see them i DO feel them i know they are here with me
they are my parents my friends my lovers my people
but they hate me they hate my heart they hate my soul they hate my mind they HATE ME
but they sure as hell love my acting
especially when it bleeds
and when it leaves me just as empty as the fridge of an emotional eater.

my soul feels like its strapped to a chair
in front of blinding lights and an audience
laughing so loudly so piercing like static it is
trying to escape just makes them laugh harder
and i'm crying harder pleading for mercy for freedom
but the only thing that comes out of my mouth
is the language they never learned to understand
and until they learn
i am bound to be here
in front of everyone
begging for just a tiny bit of comfort
begging for a touch
just begging
and crying
i'm sorry.