they say that for every person
you don't love the same
a person you love
can't love you
and i understand.
i want to be able to love you
the way you deserve;

pancakes on a rainy
saturday morning after
long friday nights with
your lips between my teeth
and holding hands, not only
at night but whilst we buy
groceries and go to get ice cream
at lunch time

and the truth is
i have loved before.
i have loved ground-hittingly hard
felt my face pressed into the ground
with my heart beneath it.
i have wanted so much i ached
felt the sting of their gaze whenever
it wasn't on me
felt my cheeks burn when we
accidentally locked eyes and the
sharp tinge of missing their presence.

i wish i wish i wish
i could make myself
feel the same as i did
those times but with you

i've forgotten how to write since all i can think about is the curve of your lips and your teeth and the way your eyes are so, so forest green and god, all i want is you, with me, always you, around me, the warmth of you and your smell and everything that comes along with you; even the parts i don't particularly like, but like anyway because they're you and nothing that's yours could ever be anything less than more than worthy of my time, ****

i can't begin
to tell you
how much has
changed since
the last time.

here comes the bitter end to what i thought could have been sincerity