Your body is not the forgiveness lost men need to find themselves.
What a wicked way to treat the girl
who loves you
As if you could see the light
to bathe your secrets
In the space between her thighs-
that you could find forgiveness in between the notches of her spine.
She tastes of honey suckle and smells like summer rain
but she'll never be able to coat the ash clinging to your throat.
Or wash away the ache that's settled into your bones-
She's like sweet torture
something you can touch but never truly keep-
You have spent far too long in the darkness to do anything but try and steal her light.
So I beg of you
-let her go-
Because when she finally figures out you used her as convenient, as easy, as a way to dull the pain-
she'll have to find her own forgiveness and have no time for yours.

- She let you into her heart into her body and she will spend a very long time trying to forgive herself for what you broke.

You carried my heavy heart
Until I forgot it was mine
I sobbed like a child
I bared my soul
I was clean and weightless:
And then you gave it back.
And in that moment
I knew I would rather
Not have it at all
Than have anyone but you carry it
I still love you
I still hate you

One glossy raven perched, stately,
atop a snowy hill, Unearthly Long flowing wings, hanging down the *****, framing the hill
on the face of which,
were interposed two glacial ponds of blue.
Between these pools ran a simple strip of sloped marble,
But at the base of this was the most gentle depression in the snow.
In disbelief I observed two rows of strawberries, blossoming,
heavy laden with the richest red.
Each gentle bite of these more delicious than the last.
I continued my survey,
down to a long narrow hill of the freshest snow.
Here I came upon a wide expanse, a plain,
two long, slender berms extended at opposite sides.
But this was no true plain, and all the better for that,
For two equal mounds of snow enchanted the landscape.
The setting sun cast a pink light at the peak of each pale globe,
So beautiful I wept.
As I passed between their valley the snowy distance continued.
I observed an infinitesimal sloping on the Western and Eastern edges.
This expanse, perfect of any true blemish, was punctuated by the shallowest little empty pond at its narrowest width; which only served to enhance the beauty.
The length of this snowed plain was far greater than its width, the edges slowly creeping into the narrowest part before flaring out to a wide expanse.
And there in the lowlands was The Delta,
to the side of which extended two of the longest and most shapely tapering ridges I had ever observed;
each ending with graceful peaks.
But that Delta!
Though snowy, the darkest , shortest scrub had capped its mound.
At the apex of The Delta was a precipice,
on its face a cavern, pink walls glistening with wetness,
at the caverns base, a cave.
Its tunnel, with walls ribbed, was warm and humid despite the landscape of snow.
This is the landscape I cherish most.

monsters chase me relentlessly
I admitted them into my life
Like vampires, they needed an invitation.
I gave it to them,
heedless

~~~~

I saw us as partners:
Me and my monsters,
They accompanied me all day.
But when I grew weary, my monsters, once cheery,
Waxed petulant, vengeful, insisting I pay.

They racked my body,
They haunted my soul;
******* my psyche, and leaving a hole,
A misshapen, and ragged, and monster shaped hole
To be filled, and fulfilled, by whom it was torn.

So many times, I’ve returned to, regarded,
My monsters: Old friends!
Old partners once parted!
Their presence reviled, now wholly cathartic,
And our union as sweet as the day that it started.

But every time they came back, they’d eat at their hole,
Ensuring the next time, I’d need to need more,
But when you allow monsters to fill you, only then will you know
The bigger your chasm, the more monster you hold,
Now, (not just filled by), but shaped in their mold.

When strife, and adversity darkened my door,
I’d weep and I’d cower; A wretch, and a worm!
My monsters, My Monsters! Come home! Keep me warm!
Release me from duty, I’m tired and worn. When I am weak I am weak, when I am strong I am strong.

So I indulged them, my monsters,
So that each time we met,
A piece of me would be gone, a piece of monster was left
Until my reflection was strange, and my green eyes grew dim:
There was no more “Me”, there was only “Him”.

Your hair was silver as a quarter
Lit by half a moon
Wholly enveloped in its light

Another time, I rang the door bell,
You stepped lazily down from the threshold, sleep still in your eyes,
And embraced me

I am still intimate with the feeling of
Our lips
Had they been poison I would have died,
Small mercies

In that loft at the beach, your laughter pealed
As you lounged in my arms,
And turned your glittering eyes my way,
And looked at me
Like I was the only person in your world

In the end,
I wasn't cut from the right cloth
I was too eager
You were too cold

And all I know is I got my heartbroken

Cellophane mounts,
Where the sacred forbids,
     And my ribs ache a little,
     And the sofa’s rotten,
Come the morning you weren’t here.

Laundry molds,
When the dishes welcome roach,
     And my tongue’s among dry,
     And my ankle’s gone numb,
Come the morning you weren’t here.

The music’s somewhere else,
Where the air’s more stale than before,
     And my finger’s twitch a’call,
     And my ears cry before the baby,
Come the morning you weren’t here.

Plaster cakes the floor,
When the door knocks certain death,
     And my bones start to bare,
     And my shoulder’s poking through,
Come the morning you weren’t here.

Green becomes a the fridge,
Where night’s now alter years,
     And my side starts to burn,
     And my lungs whimper when eased,
Come the morning you weren’t here.

But I am. Oh Lord! I am! And near ends
When the state sucker-punched,
     And I know you feel the same
     And our son feels the same,
Come the dawn prior day we’d fled.