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Helen Oct 2015
they can peel the same DNA from the bottle that we both drank from,
but no one will care who died first, only the position of our bodies will tell the tale. I'll be laid out beautifully, like a tragedy that failed, you'll be sprawled so eloquently, it will appear so definitely that you killed me but,
no one will care, our positions are neither here or there all that's left
is what they hear on the record player
*playing our song
It's in the music we hear our heartbeats
  Oct 2015 Helen
authentic
Without question you are the worst thing that has ever happened to my poetry
I am tripping over syllables and breaking consonants
Knocking over languages I once kept locked away in safe quarters
Each time I try to speak these meticulously knit together units of expression my throat closes up like clenched fist and I feel myself choking on my words
You have changed my way of writing, using teeth and tongue to articulate words, my way of going about my day
I find myself skipping meals as if it will somehow make me feel less empty because lately things in my head are just not making much sense but I convince myself they are reasonable
They often never are
And I can tell you that I'm sorry
I can at least write my apologies bleeding out all over the page
Scribbling red letters onto this worn out notebook paper
I keep you trapped inside my head like a little kid traps a caterpillar in the palm of their hands
And maybe I was just holding you back from becoming something even more beautiful than you already are
I'm sorry for letting my selfish ambitions override your pleas to escape your grip
I have never been very good at telling someone that I love them but I love you
I want to memorize your laugh and store it in my mind, so I can bring it out and listen to it on a bad day
I want your hand prints to be imprinted on my body, the smell of your cologne on the shirt you like best on me
I want you to hold me like you hold your cigarettes
I would not mind sitting down and studying you for hours with my eyes and hands
I would not mind experiencing the foreign feel of your skin underneath my fingertips
I want to count every shade of color in your eyes and sew it into a dress
I want to pour all of your thoughts into a wine glass and sip it slowly, taking in each one
Becoming slowly intoxicated by your dreams, your fears of the dark, your plans for the future
You are a vision of evacuating a burning building but going back inside to gather the possessions you love too much to let burn
You are the ray of sunshine that greets a flower who had already said goodbye to its roots, giving it life again
You are the unopened bottle of whiskey that sits in my kitchen cabinet in case you ever want to stop by because I know it's your favorite
You are the map that keeps me from getting lose in places I have never adventured
You are the destination I've been looking for
You are the slow breathing I feel when I look at the moon
You are the morning coffee that wakes the cells in my brain
You are the only truth in my allusion
You are a lot of things but you are not mine
And in the midst of this hurricane I am still searching for pages on the ground
I want to keep writing about you
After even broken pencil, ripped sheet of paper, slammed fist to desk
There are very few things I know for sure
I know that every day is twenty four hours closer to you
I know that I have a special skill of feeling nothing when I should and feeling everything when I shouldn’t
I know that the only place I ever felt lost was in his arms
I know that you can't go back to yesterday's dawn by adding another verse to an old song
And I know that I can't speak for what I haven't bled over
But I have bled for love, for loss, the staggering feeling of loneliness
You came in like a winter wind and I breathed you in as if I was about to go underwater
You are the reason I always wear my seatbelt
You are the love songs I write when everyone else is asleep
You are the sound of rain on Sunday mornings
You give me hope for better days
You have taught me to believe in myself
You have made me want to love again
Without question you are the worst thing that has ever happened to my poetry
But in a way you are also the best thing that has ever happened to me
Helen Oct 2015
The bottle and old thoughts haunt me all the same
In whispers of what was and should never be did we lose our way
or just vanish as quickly as the night before the day?

So many times I thought of lines
now simply I cast shadows where the blank spaces do reside.
Tomorrow cannot promise so why should I?

Let the words hold there own where I never could .
We all have a cross to bear and me?
I prefer to simply drive in the stake

But make no mistake,
what's nailed upon
an empty cross
is full of regret and loss
and underneath a barren plain
is buried pleasure and sadistic pain
self recriminations and needless blame,
but all the same
we build empires of shame
to live inside as truly insane
we drink from memories
that stoke a flame
to burn eternally, assuring fame
and comfort in a well of regret
we drink to forget, tomorrow
was just a promise made to us
by those that sit at our feet
when they crawl upon our laps
we are beat, we are trampled beneath
our own demise, we hid beneath
our own disguise
and we expired, when we desired
surcease from our wickedness

As I walk a red card in my jacket and miles of empty thoughts long cast aside
No words find solace were the demons cling to their vices.
All things decay as if to remind the living of the walk we all must bear

I find no guilt in my pleasures just more scars to bare in happiness to none.
Whispers of once was lay in empty thoughts.
I speak with a mouth full of razors all to eager to cut down the meek .
No words hold me in chains I simply but as I will nothing speaks clearly as a pause of silence.

And the old thoughts that linger to grow into rumours
Now they are all that is left of me .

Rumours of old bones that litter
the path to ruin are spoken by
those that whisper to dead ghosts
and kiss bloodless lips
inside crumbling passages
of age old keeps, on windswept
moors where bleeding eyes leak
tears weeping for something more

Down the streets cobbled with fear
slicked with garbage and the stench
of ever rotting verbiage,

Speak no more in silence, cry no more in penance of an oft abused
life that only walks alone under an
ever present thunderstorm of
howling winds and lightening strikes
and icy rivulets that trickle upon skin

This walk of sin is where it begins
I've held onto this as long as a could. He is a master of words and I am but his slave... It's always a pleasure to walk upon the path of sin with my best friend
Helen Oct 2015
He pinned her up
against the wall
making sure
She wouldn't  fall
She held on tight
to her wishes
and her scream
all the while
hoping
it wasn't a dream
He carried her
to the counter top
and whispered to her
I can not stop
I never want to stop
I will never be done
with my only one

She inhales his kisses
and his sighs
She feeds her desires
into his eyes
She lays pinned
upon a counter top
and breathes into him
*I hope you never stop
Helen Oct 2015
I said to you I Love You
As plain as words can be
You whispered back softly
Why do you love me?
Hesitating ever so slightly
How do I form the words?
Expressing a lifetime of happiness
Into just one tiny clause…
To turn the world upside down
With only a small smile
A light inside the darkness
To make it all worthwhile
A laugh to capture the moment
Where happiness is complete
A smile, a shrug, pride in hand
A solid stance against defeat
A tear that’s shed for all that’s lost
A heart with a room for tender
A sigh for all that has gone before
A place of all remembered
You ask me why I Love You
Three words that gave me pause
A secret smile will touch my lips
To utter…
Just Because

~21.07.2010~
The Lost Collection
Helen Oct 2015
Today
may be
the day
that breaks you
but
Tomorrow**
will be
the day
that remakes you
I and other co workers lost our jobs today. One of my co workers is feeling dismay. This is my advice to her and maybe a reaffirmation to myself
Helen Oct 2015
I don't want to be
just a single note
in your life
I want to be
the whole song
not really a poem, more a quote... let's call it free verse and we are all happy :)
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