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Heaven Dawn Feb 2015
"I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then."

I arose from sleep with sheets tangled along my ankles and the inevitable dread of being me. I stretch and I yawn but my muscles are screaming but my lungs are aching, my bones are creaking. My soul is loudly screeching begging for release. I push it down with ***** smuggled in my orange juice, a smile at my mother and 3 white pills. I'm dreadfully me.

By noon one foot is put in front of another, my hands swing at my sides and my eyes roam but they did not see. My screams of inner insanity are only a whisper but I feel as if everyone can hear the singing. The electricity in my brain crackles and I feel the singing growing louder, sirens to my death. I am painfully me.

By afternoon my hand hungrily grasps yours and I am a ship tossed at sea, my anchor is rusted, chain breaking link by link. You are the eye of the storm, my calm before chaos. I am chaotically me.

By night you wrap yourself around me, heart beats in tune. Your hands explore every curve, crevice, bare skin traveled. I am undiscovered land, plentiful for your taking. I am breathing you in, where I begin and you end is lost between our forever. I am blissfully me.
Jan 2015 · 554
Tales of a Mistress
Heaven Dawn Jan 2015
As he steps through the door I feel her, lurking in the shadows.
As he bangs his keys on my table, the jingle is the musical notes to her laugh.
When he calls "Hey baby" I feel her rolling off his tongue and splattering in on my walls.
I set his cold dinner down and stare at his shoes, I can see her in his step, the way he leans to kiss me.
She's in his bones, seeped into his lips, he's forming his lips for a set too big to be mine.
He sits and talks about his day but his eyes are bright, he's got stars on his palms.
She's branded him, I see him intertwining our hands rubbing my knuckles but I feel her there. She's holding on, not letting go.
You haven't left her yet but I know you won't.
She's not the only one in this war, holding you, pleading for one more night.
You've touched a galaxy, when I was only a star.
Dec 2014 · 379
If only if only
Heaven Dawn Dec 2014

You see her for the first time and she’ll walk right past you like you are a crack in the wall and she is a skyscraper with her head so high in the air and when you can’t sleep you’ll think about the way her eyes strayed into yours for a moment too long before breaking away and disappearing into the crowd of people.

She’ll look both ways before telling you she loves you under her breath and when she hugs you her eyes scan the empty room as if the walls had eyes and ears and mouths that could give you away.

When she’s curled up on your lap shaking with mismatched breaths you’ll wonder how someone who looked like she carried mountains on her shoulders could crumble so easily in your arms like the tornado in her mind finally hit her and knocked her off her feet.

In half-light she’ll run her fingers over your arms like she is reading words carved into your skin, binding them together into the perfect metaphor and you’ll hear it playback in your head at 4am when your head runs wild with thoughts of her.


You’ll find a safe haven on rooftops and abandoned rooms where she’ll set fire to your insides with hushed breaths between kisses planted perfectly on your lips and make you wonder how dangerous it is to play with wild flames while your body is made of paper.

You’ll stare God right in the eye and tell him that if loving her was a sin then you want no place in heaven with him because the way her lips fit perfectly on your neck is a type of paradise you’ll never forget.
Nov 2014 · 541
I'm so jealous of innocence
Heaven Dawn Nov 2014
When I was eight my cousin told me stars were just giant fireflies that got too close to the moon. They were trapped there forever holding up lights in the sky because their little bodies couldn’t burn that bright. I held onto this belief, told all my friends this wonderful discovery laughed when they said it wasn’t true. Some told me of their old sibling’s stories of fireballs in the sky and chunks of the moon. How unbelievable, fireballs in the sky? We all scoffed at the idea.

When I was ten I sat in a plastic seat while the teacher droned on of gas and fire, supernovas and The Big Bang Theory. His pants were too short and his ankles showed and it annoyed me that he couldn’t tell us all the constellations. He made the stars seem dim as if they really were just ***** of gas, dust and fire. I looked at the science and took it in as if it were an orphaned bird. I scoffed at the kid in me screaming for fireflies.

When I was twelve I cried a lot. I walked the middle school hallways timidly as if I was a deer during hunting season. They singled us out, the ones who felt it all while being emotionally stepped on. They could pinpoint us as easily as knowing one’s own address. And yet we didn’t group together nor become friends, we all feared the rejection that was so often served to us. We all wished upon silly things like candles, dandelions, falling feathers, and stars. We always believed in the stars. I scoffed at the cruelty of it all.

When I was 17 I began to believe again. Small fingers tugged on mine asking what stars were really made of and I said fireflies holding chunks of the moon. A reflex reaction to a question I so often ignored and stored in the science category of my brain. Silently chastising myself for letting her believe me, she wouldn’t believe in fireflies forever. I scoffed at myself for forgetting I was once small fingers tugging, asking for stars.
Oct 2014 · 458
Central park blues
Heaven Dawn Oct 2014
In the night last night
I saw a flower blooming
but approach it I did not
the thorns were thick with poison
the flower was I
Oct 2014 · 457
Heaven Dawn Oct 2014
wrapped in casual affairs and spitting a venom of pure passion and lust.
the **** is love? why the hell are you looking at me like you can't imagine the world spinning without me, lips trailing across my shoulder when I was only seeking a thrill. ****, I only wanted to feel.
One of 12 boys who feel in the lull of my voice, the electricity between my fingers, sweeping into the vast vocabulary by which I spewed with such anger. I wasn't to be played with, I'm a carnivore with a craving of boys with candy hearts and sweet souls ready to broken into pieces I'll use to rebuild the damning holes in my brain.
You love the way my hair falls in wild curls, I remind you of every wave curling around the sand. I'm so close to you but so **** far away. You adore the way I bare my teeth when you come too close, you feel the need to be more dominant, but you can't fail your mistress, I'm the ******* queen.
A ******* cannibal, and I've become so ******* hungry.
to every boy who thought I ever gave a real ****.
Aug 2014 · 519
This title is optional
Heaven Dawn Aug 2014
There are a million different ways to say I need you and I'm throwing every one out the **** window because I can't compare you to the ways you want to fly anymore
Please understand that I can't keep avoiding railroad tracks and redlights because I miss the way your hand felt traveling up my thigh; fingerprints seared onto the inside of my skirt and your eyes glued ahead like you were afraid of losing yourself in the brake lights before us.
Heaven Dawn Aug 2014
All these words I ******* wasted on you, an obscene amount of sentences that were tipped in your name. Time spent behind a pen that could have been spent in times better. All the words I spewed to you, every ******* tear shed, will be lost in the Bermuda triangle of other girls you tried to conform to your own twisted self image.
And all along, you were just some ink in a pen I was trying to bring to life.
******* for making me create an imaginary love.
Heaven Dawn Jun 2014
This is a lot more formal than writing it out for you, besides you usually can’t read my handwriting anyways. I’m sure you’re sick of my notes by now, but later in life they might matter, or we might break up and burning them might be part of your healing process. Being with you has changed my life drastically, in the best way possible, I didn’t want to live. I had no hope for my future, I felt as if I was standing three feet in cement and I was sinking fast. And then a man with ******* comments came into my life for whatever reason, and changed me for the better. I want to succeed, be the best woman possible for you, though I make you mad at times because of my quick temper and tendency to befriend a bit too many guys, I appreciate you in more ways than you can ever imagine.
I have never met a man as kind as you, or a man who cares so much about the people he loves. Loyalty has always meant something to me because I never had it; the amount of people that have been disloyal sickens me at times, for I was the one to believe they were something different. Yet, I found you; you are the most loyal man I have ever had the pleasure to meet. Being with you feels different, I have never craved the attention of anyone before, but having you with me eases whatever pain I’ve felt in the last couple of days. Our relationship has been something I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world; you’ve accepted me as myself and loved me for my flaws. I am but a plain girl to be frank, I am not extraordinary or exceptional, but holding your hand, or lying next to you, makes me feel beautiful for whatever reason.
I haven’t had the courage to tell you ever story in my head, or blurt out every thought in my head for I fear I am partially insane. You put up with me wishing I was a leaf, theories on dead birds, and the habit of my resting in too many trees. Just the fact that you’re willing to climb trees with me, or explain how beautiful crows are, makes me fall so deeply in love with the person you are. I understand at times why so many people adore you, as beautiful as a person you are. Being without you feels like two thirds of me are missing, as if I have ghost limbs and I keep reaching out to see if you’re there when you’re not. I love you immensely, though I love you doesn’t compare to the way I feel, words or actions can’t describe who you are to me.
You treat me as if letting me go would be the end of the world and I thought I didn’t understand that until I think of the thought of you leaving. Thoughts like these steal my breath away, and the ground beneath me, because losing you means losing a part of whom I am, and that is terrifying.
May 2014 · 303
Call me a rose, I suppose
Heaven Dawn May 2014
And I swear to God if you feel the indent where my body has been laying on this forsaken empty bed, it'd be warm. But I'm not warm, I'm not even warm when I'm fogging up the windows in your backseat, and sometimes you wonder why my nose is so cold while it's pressed into the spot between your shoulder and neck. I have no idea what I'm doing here, or how the hell you're still holding my hand, I've chained you to my wrists and told you to stay.
I've been able to pick your flaws like flowers and the petals spelled 'I love you' but they smelt like poison.
Heaven Dawn May 2014
Sometimes, all I want is to be called beautiful, I don't care if you mean it or even if you don't, I just want to feel pretty for 3 seconds. Would that be okay?
And occasionally, I want long kisses in front of our friends, because, well, I'm staking claim. And what hurts about talking friends with you is the fact that I left a part of my life at  the doorsteps of my friends houses for you. But you still skipped 2nd hour with her because she was lonely and you couldn't bear to hear about that. Well excuse me of my tendency of feeling misplaced, I'll just end up in the backseat of your car anyways. Once in a while, I want to feel your stare at the back of my neck so I can pretend I don't feel it and try to read your mind, for I do this too frequently, and you ask why I'm staring. As if you weren't beautiful enough to stare at, as if the world wouldn't dim without you.
And taking two steps back from you feels like diving three feet into cement, because I'm so ******* stuck.
May 2014 · 1.3k
Barbed Wire
Heaven Dawn May 2014
I'm trying to write about your hands, but you're pushing me away, and the electricity they contain become a solace to my dismay.
If barriers were people, they'd share your name.
May 2014 · 294
Pulled a Monroe
Heaven Dawn May 2014
Baby, you're such a tease, with the way your smile tilts to the left, and your eyes lower when you're 'hungry'.
God had a plan for you, a plague to the female race, I admit, meeting you set me on edge, left a scorch across my ribs when you teased me. Slowly, I was being inflicted and begged you to **** the venom out.
And now?
The only thing screaming your name are the hands on the clock.
May 2014 · 274
I repeat to never love me.
Heaven Dawn May 2014
Never fall in love with a train-wreck,
She'll yell because she's sad, push you away when she wants to be held
She's loose change, or the way sunburn feels across bottom lips.
She'll say I Love You in two different languages, Italian and yelling it while She kicks your self-esteem to bits against your windshield.
She can't form words to **** the elephant in the room, just **** the little pieces of you that were bow-wrapped personally for her.
                       she, she will repeat through your mind, followed by insults she spewed on nights she didn't want to make-up, just ****-up.
She'll promise to allow you to set her right on her tracks, to
                                              take you down
Heaven Dawn May 2014
And they over-analyze the way I swing one hip, he called me a ******* temptress
a misguided teen with roses on her cheeks and her mother singing "Heaven Dawn, what's that flower you've got on?" while she ignores the fact that her precious daughter is picking her every petal and using them as her favorite chaser.
God, I want to be 7 again, when potions were real, and boys with leaves for eyes were only in the back of my mind and not feeling me up in the backseat of a car that's not even mine.
In reality, I drug him back here, I'm tired of cold beds and Bacardi chasers of sleeping pills, ****, I just want to feel.
May 2014 · 2.9k
Describing you in 11 words
Heaven Dawn May 2014
you are more than just a reason for a love poem.
May 2014 · 297
Heaven Dawn May 2014
Slowly, I dripped every want, need and longing into my hand, forming in the spaces where you hands intended to be.
I came storming right into your life, arms out, begging, crying, "Take this, and that, have it." Take me
At least that's what it felt like, throwing everything I had or wanted to keep at you, begging for you to somehow love the way I hid these things between every argument.
Screaming things that make no sense to how I'm feeling, things to make me cringe and stomp over every nerve ending for you to leave. And inside I'm begging, arms out, crying "Take it, take every bit of it, have it, please." Take every rotten piece of me  
And somehow you've only kept in record of how I say I love you far too little, and kiss any skin available in my reach, and you came gently into my life, never asking a single thing of me.
All the while I'm crying, begging stay long enough to realize I've become addicted to the shivers in my spine, and stars that scream your name.
Heaven Dawn May 2014
These words I am writing will be misunderstood,
you belong between my legs, not in a ****** act but in the way of having you so close that I am more you than me.
Bottling the whispers against my neck close to my heart in vain, selfish for wanting to keep you this young and vulnerable forever.
I want to be able to break your heart over and over until the shards form another wall for me to crash through.
You've translated that wrong, I'm not into sadism, only into breaking you hard enough to forget my name, because I've come to the conclusion of loving you enough to form a new ******* ocean.
God these words are terrible, forgive me for I'm fighting myself in attempt of telling you I love you.  
I'll only break you if I'm breaking and I know you wouldn't be able to handle the me that cries at crooked necks of baby birds laying at the foot of oak trees, and the way you won't kiss me hard enough to feel it.
Even I, have misunderstood the meaning of this poem.
Heaven Dawn May 2014
If poetry could heal you, I would write on every surface in your house, I would write it until my hands bled.
If my words could sink into your bloodstream and became your second savior, I would fog every window in your car with I love you's and words I've only whispered as you slept.
If suddenly you fell to your knees with the weight of the world, I would grab every strong cell I had, to grab the world around the shoulders to redirect it in my direction.
my love for you is inexhaustible.
May 2014 · 269
And then I was born.
Heaven Dawn May 2014
My mother named me wrong.
I am electricity constricted beneath too tight of skin.
I am earthquakes, and dry eyes when my mother is crying at the pills in my hand.
God assigned me a name that made no sense.
Heaven who ended up walking on the edge of hell at 4 a.m
Born a mistake, forgive me for the way my hands tremble at the thought of standards, for I'm as fragile as the topic of ******* in a church sermon.
I am a crude misconception of a woman, with the morals of a man.
I am my fathers daughter if I were to be claimed, but I refuse branding, and I am my own darkness.
I am nothing but I am.
Apr 2014 · 323
Heaven Dawn Apr 2014
Whisper everything you feel like shouting.
Scream if you have to.
Mar 2014 · 401
But I had no right to.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Rubbing your eyes like you're five, jaw stretched wide, arms stretched above your head and the lines of muscle beside your hips are peeking through your shirt.
And the sight of you becoming vulnerable in front of me, melts me into a puddle on the carpet of your floor. "That's not all we are." slips through your lips as I lay my leg across you and fit myself into the crook of your body. But you're a boy of firsts, and you're falling asleep while tracing my arm.
And you fell asleep, the beat of your heart quickly thrumming at the screen of your dreams, and I wonder if you're thinking of the first time you kissed me like I am. You'd never know I kissed you about a hundred times while you were dreaming, on your temple, your hair, and the freckle right below your jaw. I knew that it could wake you up, pulling you from your sleep felt wrong, you looked so innocent, the stressed pull of your eyebrows was gone and I wanted to keep it that way.
At 2:34 I kissed you awake, and you slowly woke up, like sand through an hourglass, you lost that innocent look about you, and you became the man who sent my knees to quiver, my heart to race.
And I wanted you to wake up.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Slamming doors so loud the ******* house shakes, I'm screaming your name and the thought of her lips on your neck. When are you going to realize you're mine, and the taint of girls you left behind will always show on your palms when we're arguing? I wonder if you know you're tracing the outline of other boys fingertips when you're tired and my skin feels soothing. ***** to know you've poisoned every part of me that contained another man, but yet, you have other girls perfume in your pores, past perfume and lonely boys.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I once met a boy with shoulders that could hold up the world and a few stars across his shoulderblades. He stood high, swear he belonged to trees, with a stare that made every nerve correspond to make me a personal lightning storm (to get a better idea, I used to jump off branches to feel wings I didn't have and his eyes were the leaves I'd see before I crashed to reality). What was reality without the birds beating against my chest when the expanse of my hand covered the thrumming of his heart. If there was a God? If there was a Plan? He would've made him ready to hold my hand, and he was (I'd like to include that he fit me like tides on shorelines).  
He was entirely made of stardust and sea glass, jaggedly beautiful, someone shattered him along time ago to throw him to my shore, thank god she did, you were too alluring for me not to admire.
I've never been to the ocean, but the way your hands felt on my back felt like the entire world. (To elaborate, he's earthquakes, forests and the way the moon loves the sea).
Somebody asked me to explain the scientific explanation for infinite and I just whispered his name. He was engulfed in my forever, surrounded by words I whispered about futures we were scared of, with plans we'd propose now and promise to mars they'd work.
You see, I'm not artistic, not in the least, I like the elaborate equations of the brain and how your bones never actually fully mend. But I wrote books of words for this man, every color in my paint set couldn't compare to the way his eyes looked under street lamps or when he first wakes up.
That's what scared me, everything in the world can be drawn, written, solved, but someone forgot to finish the riddle for a boy with shaken leaves for eyes, forgive me, for I have been caught in the labyrinth of this boy.
The only way out, is to stay until stars crash around our ankles.
*Tu sei un mondo tutto da solo.
Mar 2014 · 364
Don't let the oxygen out.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I felt the urge to tell you of stars and questions I wasn't suppose to let roll off my tongue, but you held your breath when I licked the corner of my lips and in those moments when I turn to mist and lightning? I want to ask you if you'd let me save you.
You wouldn't, but I would, you have this way about you that comes off as protective, as if the world wouldn't be able to touch me. Can you feel the gravity when I move in front of you, or the way I pull you closer when you almost run the people over with your wide strides? I'm your protector, and you have no idea.
I'd make sure to keep you safe, keep the only star I've ever held burning with intensity of the static of your lips on mine. You'd gravitate to another star instead of a girl with clumsy hands and ghost wings, which is fine because if she made you see the galaxy in your eyes? I'd love her too.
You wanted me for the rest of my life, but if it came down to it? You're mine, and I will not let you be buried under oak trees to match your eyes, no cold fingers, no goodbyes.
You'd live on, and I? Will finally get my wings.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
You're beautiful and you're male, so you don't want to hear that, but it's the only way to describe you. I can't paint you, but you have the seven wonders in your eyes. That's beautiful, isn't it? You're a land of unmarked territory, charted for me to sail. I've explored the planes of your hands, and the expanse of your back, places where you ought to be fragile, seemed made of granite, you were my rock I suppose. You were greens, blues and the shade of red right before the stars peek out, speaking of stars, they branded you as theirs. Stars on your hips, and electricity in your fingertips, whoever made you was trying to make a new world, tripped and slipped the whole universe into a man.
Galaxies in the eyes of man who became allergic to being called beautiful.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Kiss me like the stars are crashing around our ankles, burning their stories on our lips as they spiral down.
Kiss me when I have grass stains on my knees and dirt on my nose, tell me I blend in with the forest and kiss me until I feel it in my toes.
Kiss me as your favorite song bangs out your car windows while we're sitting on your hood.
Kiss me behind your mothers back, hearts beating at the thought of her catching us in the act.
Kiss me when you miss me, and kiss me when you don't.
You have poison on your lips and I can't seem to get enough.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I had a dream of you once before I met you, well it wasn't you, but lord did it feel like you.
Funny how in those years after I had that dream did I search the crowds for a man who stood above the rest, broad shoulders and eyes that made my stomach boil.
But in these dreams, your voice is muted and I can't get the hang of catching it, it feels like I'm in a tunnel, you laugh but I can't catch your octaves. Surely if I heard them, I would've fell to my knees.
Ever heard of the knee-trembler? I'm not talking about the *** position, just the way your name sounds clicking against my teeth.  
You fit in my dreams the way I fit in the crook of your shoulder.
Dreams are just made of boys with electric eyes and the perfect ways to say hello.
Mar 2014 · 537
Call me Katrina.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Maybe John Green had a thing going.
She was only a drizzle and I? A hurricane.
But you loved wheels on wet pavement and dancing between raindrops, I never met that side of you, only observed in glossy images.
I wanted to know you, the side that loved rain on his collarbones and drops clinging to his shoulders.
Maybe I would've met him if I wasn't destruction and a tendency to drown any childhood urge below a surface of  rage.
You understand me, right?
Who ever loved a hurricane anyway.
Mar 2014 · 322
To the offspring.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
You will be raised by the following rules;
You will have manners
You will accept that your mind is not your own
You will accept that sin is anything that you enjoy that "God" does not.
You will repent for anything you did wrong.
You will accept your role and will not tremble in the wake of your own destruction.
*Welcome to the world.
Mar 2014 · 692
Fight her with lexipro
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
But I am corruption she screams, I am the poison and the craving.*
I am the way you yell for your mother in your sleep, but the way you know you have abandonment issues you never choose to acknowledge.
You will not escape me she yells, for I have hooked you by your teeth.
You will not judge others, you will not speak your mind, you will follow direction, you will be all mine.
I am the only darkness you need, I am God.
And then I screamed.
Mar 2014 · 260
What happened to us.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Don't leave me for the bedroom, we've been there a handful of time, my hair tangled around your fingers, and the time you said you loved me written across your chest.
I've slept alone in here, maybe once or twice, the smell of you blanketed me and I felt so completely disabled, so paralyzed with thought of you bringing your heat beneath these sheets.
I've examined every inch of this room, I can tell you where the light shines like moons, and almost every object on your bedside table (a stuffed dog, loose change, a note, crumpled up homework, a dock, your keys, the miscellaneous, and me.)
I've laughed here, but I'll never cry here, beds with beautiful boys were never meant for mini-oceans and heaving shoulders. I wonder if you've cried here, laughed here, wished for me here. Makes me wonder who else knew everything on that table, or saw the dust filtering through your blinds, did she love it all as much as I?
This felt safe, your warmth and your chest beating along in time with mine, this wasn't home, but a hell.
For if you left? These would be the things to haunt me.
Mar 2014 · 352
Hey baby.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Excuse me, boy with storms in his eyes, may I get to understand your ligaments please?
You walk with the stride of a man who doesn't understand the way his freckles line up with a girl who gives you kisses in the form of bruises across your shoulders.
I swear you've brushed your hands across my hips enough to have your scent poisoned into my pores, I smell of heartache and cologne that makes girls with tempers weak at the knees.
I beg of you to let me trace the scars of the wings you once had, before you fell for someone as ****** as me.
I promise to take care of you, and sink so far into your bloodstream that you scream my name in your sleep.
Mar 2014 · 275
Am I shedding?
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Head in my hands, fingers tangled in my hair, chest heaving, ribs slowly protruding out of the layer of skin you never took the time to care about.
Not even my own skeleton felt the need to hold me together, just another thing we had in common I suppose.
Bones of ivory separated itself from the skin that had never really felt like home.
Walking away, holding the hands of a boy who couldn't even take the time to notice the cracks he had left across my sternum.
I am just a bundle of skin, beautiful only when your bedside lamp is shining across my ribs and fingers digging into my shoulder.
A broken skeleton, and a boy who never glued me back together.
Mar 2014 · 395
The utter insanity of boys
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I'd like to tell you stories of boys who swore they loved me.
Boy 1: I wasn't five feet tall, but you towered over me, looking at me like god had left an angel behind, I ran, and you yanked my ponytail, did you realize what love even was? I threw rocks at you, I left a scar across your eyebrow, but yet you screamed I love you. You moved and I haven't seen you since.
Boy 2: I grew to be a boy stuck in a girls body, I beat up on boys who said things like "You're pretty". But it didn't stop you, you had a smile that made girls flutter their eyelashes but you were scrawny and we laughed at the thought of you whispering I love you when I wasn't looking at you. Ew.
Boy 3: Fast forward, I bloomed, hormones were scenting the halls, but you were my best friend. I could fall into the sea of your eyes, I cut all my hair off and people snickered at the weight I had gained but you had curls and I felt blessed, but you said I love you and I had read such things about taking advantage. So no, I let you go.
Boy 4: I never even got to meet you, you were words behind a screen, I knew boys who knew you but I had never looked at the face of a boy who typed faster than god and declared I would never love anything, well then.
Boy 4: I'll admit, I almost said it to you, I thought maybe it could have been true with you, you had midnight eyes and we all know I rest among the sky, you had hands that made pianos cry and laugh, poetry that made me question how my heart wasn't beating out of my chest. Probably because my heart was dead and you were holding hands with a girl whom I used to harmonize with, still.
Boy 5: How did we even end up being together? You whispered things in Spanish and I yelled and you shut down, YOU NEVER YELLED BACK. I kicked you down, bet love never felt so good, right? You looked me in the eyes, pushing out words like "God, you're an addiction" and you wanted me to meet your mother, ha, you screamed I love you I just asked what that even was. You cried and I left to kiss your best friend, oops.
Boy 5: You never said I love you, but you never said you liked me either, well, you had, but it was never mutual. You were just a getaway from the hell I had breathing down my back, and the windows were fogged, I drew iniatials that claimed you mine for the summer. You looked up and said things like "I could fall for you". Do you understand why I ignored you for 5 months? You never came after me, *******.
Boy 6: You had embers in your hair, and hands big enough to make me feel safe, you walked in. The birds in my chest that I had torn the feathers off of, suddenly beat against my ribs, you asked for my name and I swear to god I stuttered at the thought of your voice in my ears again.
And we laughed, but a night came where I swallowed pills I promised to keep away from, but death held my hand and I told you I loved you and waited for death to tug me, I woke up to the sun.
How do I end this?
Oh, I don't.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I once had a craving before we knew each others freckles, to kiss your shoulder blades, because I swore you had wings.
If you get beneath my shirt, your fingers will trail the tattered feathers of wings of a demon who fell into the arms of an angel.
Take these broken wings and tell me I'm still beautiful, even when the sky didn't want me.
Please, don't touch them, my wings I mean, I burn at the touch of men with constellations in their spines, bet if I traced them, I'd feel close to God.
Envious of the way the sky held you close, I took every abandoned feather and set fire to my wings.
Hold my hand through the flames, I swear to the stars I'm going insane.
you know what?
Guardian angel my ***, you held the match to my wings and glued the charred black feathers to your spine, ****.
Those were mine.
Mar 2014 · 483
Gardens of Kale.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I know you.
You're the snake in my garden, tempting me and offering the world.
If you ever left, you'd be the theme of my Ninth Circle of Hell.
You were all things I didn't understand; tides, Pluto, stars exploding, shivers down my spine.
You were so broken, I'm horrible at drinking out of chipped china.
You were my mirror, broken and jagged but still beautiful glittering on my bathroom floor.
You were an atlas, I could trace every girl you'd been with across your palms and up your neck.
You have this string around my heart, and when you leave the room, I feel that tug.
You have a cigarette hole in the bottom of your favorite sweatshirt, I loved it for the way I knew I wasn't the only one burnt by your touch.
You make me feel close to the stars without even looking up.
You're beautiful and tragic.
You know that feeling you get when you see a puppy? Yeah, I get that every time I hear your name.
You were a plague among the female race, and I didn't even mind being inflicted.
You're poison, mislabeled as a boy with stars on his lips.
You have birds nestled in the hollow of your collarbones, I can't help but listen to their song.
You're tall enough to be included in my list of reasons why I love looking up at the sky.
You weren't anything holy, but dear god, you were my favorite religion.
You engulfed my very being, I am no one without you.
I've always known you.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
Keep writing he screamed as I looked down at the page, don't ever think about stopping he cried, as if my words were his savior and he was being nailed to the cross.
Your mother would be angry with the way I made you yell the Lord's name in vain.
But she has to appreciate the way you say amen after you reach in the dark to put your pants back on.
She looks at me like I was born on the wrong side of the tracks, what she doesn't know is I'm just a train, I'm only passing through darling.
And I stopped.
Why are you stopping, why do you think it's okay to string me with your words without punctuating us? HOW He yelled to the world, and I swore my grandmas swung in her grave, rubbed the goosebumps off her shoulders and shook her head at the choices I've made.
And tears smeared my lines and your name blurred into mine, it looked so natural, being intertwined in you.
Please, stop, your words are never enough and he left.
Come back home I whispered, but you had sacrificed yourself for a cause that never made sense.
You wanted love in the sense of drowning in her voice and trailing your fingers across her spine, but I hated my back rubbed and my voice is made of words that don't make sense.
Mar 2014 · 453
I'm just a feather.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I couldn't even look you in the eyes, you have a hold on me that shakes any confidence I thought I had.
I was so sensitive under your fingertips, don't you see what electricity does to a girl? I'm 75% water babe.
Tracing freckles I never knew I had, I felt like an atlas and you were traveling the world.
But I wasn't beautiful in this moment, I felt like a feather on the ocean, you were tides against the shore, you showed be beauty in the most destructive sense.
Mar 2014 · 380
And for that? I am sorry.
Heaven Dawn Mar 2014
I didn't know how to breathe without your hand in mine, voice in my ear, finger drumming on my thigh. So lonely in this passenger seat, 3 feet away, I can still feel your heat, you were suns and lava constricted in human skin.
And for that? I am sorry.
I tried to paint your voice once, but I settled for your eyes, I couldn't even put you into colors do you know the insanity of that? I've painted bruises and lips bitten by lovers, but the color of your eyes? Never to be captured on paper.
And for that? I am sorry.
I've captured these moments behind my eyelids, they flash when it's 3 am, I'm cold, shivering in this bed. You have your jaw clenched and your hands are clenched into steel. These are the moments I cherish, you're lava, slowly burning away, I was a volcano, erupting at the tiniest tremor.
And for that? I am sorry.
I fell in love with you.
And for that? I am sorry.
Feb 2014 · 293
This is a love letter.
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
This is a love letter.
To myself.
I hate who you are, but a man who makes you feel like melting snowflakes and smiling at the elderly. If that makes any sense.
Anyways, I may hate you, but he loves you, and that's what makes this a love letter.
You're welcome.
Feb 2014 · 407
Begging before "God".
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
Dear father,
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
I gave my heart to a boy who kept girls like me on the bedside next to his watch.
You've got to understand that I didn't know the devil behind his innocent smile.
You made him, why did you use forests in his eyes and lightning in his fingertips? What made you decide you should throw every beautiful destruction in one man?
When did he fall into his ways? Was it when the girl he picked dandelions for kissed his best friend? Or the time his father cheated on his mother and he knew the roots of his creation were tainted?
Didn't you realize I would compare him to stars? You made him of constellations I had yet to discover, you threw thunder in the rumbles of his voice.
He wants to fly, you know that? He wants wings.
And I've always been in love with the sky.
Forgive me, for I have realized You should be groveling to me.
You made love seem as beautiful as rain, but it was a hurricane.
Why the **** did you think giving wings to a boy who only wanted to drown me in his "love" would bring me to repent to you?
beg for me, for I have no faith.
Feb 2014 · 1.9k
Ignore this.
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
And with every betrayal burning in my stomach from the words that passes your lips.
I became a new person, one who forget words meant anything to her.
This poem means nothing.
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
And your touch was oceans, I was drowning at the thought of being without your fingers in my hair.
I knew from the tone in your voice you'd leave eventually but I grabbed your hand and somehow, I thought that'd make you succumb to me.
You were 4 a.m skies and every reason to say goodbye, but how could I form those words if you made me forget how to speak.
I could tell you every color in your eyes and the every story told from the scars across your knuckles.
You couldn't look me in the eyes, you couldn't bear the thought of emotion on your back.
Where was your hand when I was drowning?
Feb 2014 · 589
Kisses aren't optional
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
I've kissed more guys than what I can count on my hands, I could describe them for you, I don't forget goosebumps and fingers on my hip at 3 am.
Hair to my shoulders, and fat on my hips, you looked at me and I forgot how my thighs were pressed too close together and people giggled when I ran. You kissed me and I forgot how to breathe.
Give me a year, I kissed him against the side of his garage, he was too old for me, too cold, his heart was stone and I knew I wanted to be numb, and he grabbed me around the waist and told me to work on it.
You were the brother before my favorite summer, but that's another story to tell. We made a competition of kissing against mall walls and kissing with our eyes open, you weren't anything I wanted but you were warm.
You were the only boy who whispered to me in Spanish, the first guy who cried in front of me and declared I sunken into his veins so far that if I left, his new addictions would drown him and scare his mother. He kissed me like I was his only breath.
You were my favorite summer, I was your challenge and you were my guilty pleasure. I wasn't suppose to be out at 3 am but you kissed me on swings and fogging your backseat became a hobby. We both swore we'd never fall for anyone, but you tripped and fell into me, but I left without a trace, he kissed me like stars had fallen.
Flash forward:
Every guy I had every kissed, was only me feeling them, I never felt for myself. You weren't fireworks, you were stars exploding and creating a new earth. I couldn't compare you to fire because you burned brighter than that, you collected shivers in your fingertips and delivered them to my spine.
Feb 2014 · 735
We're adolescents
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
I pray you burn the wood you carved us into, because I'm tired of fighting this fire alone.
You've roasted our love away, carving us into a childhood bunk bed and praying we stay past our adolescent phase.
I want to kiss you under our initials, show you how heated I can get under your gaze, smolder the letters of my name because I don't belong on bunk beds.
I belong in backseats, and kissing behind your mothers back when she's making us dinner.
I belong as a secret, I belong on letters you were never suppose to send.
Lick the envelopes with love you aren't suppose to have for me, tell your mother it's a platonic relationship and your father I was the kind of girl you'd marry.
I don't belong on bunk beds, so don't put me above your head.
Feb 2014 · 422
Shut up, don't tell
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
He trailed his fingertips up my side, whispering things like "You're beautiful".
What's so beautiful? Was it the way my eyes fluttered at your touch, or the way my skin feels against your palms? How far up my shirt did you get before you thought I was beautiful?
You discarded my top like you previously discarded our love, tossed it across the room to lay among the other shirts stained in Jasmine perfume.
I wasn't Jasmine, not hot-nights and lights off, with tears in her eyes because she has daddy issues and her mom told her she'd end up on bedside tables anyways.
I was Twilight Woods, fogged windows in a church parking lot, and putting my pants on before you wake up, my daddy hugged me enough, and my mother has no idea about the way you love to tangle your fingers in my hair at red lights.
Secrets in the writing on your windows.
Feb 2014 · 320
Kiss her for me.
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
You were nothing but the dust floating through the sunlight in my basement but god, I couldn't stop staring.
You were nothing but avalanches sweeping trees in and breaking every limb with the rumble of your voice but god, I could never stop listening.
You were nothing but lovers among drive-in movies and trembling hands, but god, you were chilling.
Can you imagine if my father found out about the way you looked at me at 10:29 when we were running late, with your hand up my thigh. Picture the disapproval in your mother's eyes if she saw the scratches across your shoulder blades.
Tell her I was only trying to find your wings, tell her I was scratching the places where your wings fell off when an Angel like you, fell for someone as ****** as me.
Tell her you love me, I want to hear her scream at the thought of your corruption.
She knew better than to let her sweet angel to fall for a shadow with green eyes and a way of laughing that sent shivers up your spine.
Kiss her for me.
Feb 2014 · 277
You said forever.
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
You said forever.
Don't you understand what you've laced into that word? An infinite amount of times you'll laugh so deeply that the room rumbles. A inconceivable amount of times you'll look me in the eyes and say "Your eyes are green today."
You said forever.
Do you even understand how many stars die in the time that "forever" consists of? How many babies will be born with our names? How many of them will find each other and call each other by the color of their eyes that day?
You said forever.
But did you understand that forever means nothing to someone who measures their life in tablespoons of honey, and kisses at parties with strangers with freckles that spell your favorite constellation?
I said forever.
But we both knew my forever meant until the day my eyes stopped turning green.
Feb 2014 · 316
i'm only dreaming
Heaven Dawn Feb 2014
You had a way of curling your lips up, to resemble the gates of Heaven, Godly in the ****** of sorts.
You mummer when you think no one is listening, and you peel these words off your ribs, throwing them into the dust streaming through the hole in your bathroom ceiling.
I hear them, heard them all, collected them and watered my insecurities in them.
You flutter your eyes, and I can hear the stars fall at the thought of being behind your whispers.
Darling, you're only dreaming and I've lost all hope in being the object that keeps you grounded, I'm not in your roots.
I'm rushing rivers, and rain clouds, I'm only here to keep you alive, just until another dreamer comes along and plants you in her favorite place to die.
And darling, I'm only dreaming.
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