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Mar 2014
I'd like to tell you stories of boys who swore they loved me.
Boy 1: I wasn't five feet tall, but you towered over me, looking at me like god had left an angel behind, I ran, and you yanked my ponytail, did you realize what love even was? I threw rocks at you, I left a scar across your eyebrow, but yet you screamed I love you. You moved and I haven't seen you since.
Boy 2: I grew to be a boy stuck in a girls body, I beat up on boys who said things like "You're pretty". But it didn't stop you, you had a smile that made girls flutter their eyelashes but you were scrawny and we laughed at the thought of you whispering I love you when I wasn't looking at you. Ew.
Boy 3: Fast forward, I bloomed, hormones were scenting the halls, but you were my best friend. I could fall into the sea of your eyes, I cut all my hair off and people snickered at the weight I had gained but you had curls and I felt blessed, but you said I love you and I had read such things about taking advantage. So no, I let you go.
Boy 4: I never even got to meet you, you were words behind a screen, I knew boys who knew you but I had never looked at the face of a boy who typed faster than god and declared I would never love anything, well then.
Boy 4: I'll admit, I almost said it to you, I thought maybe it could have been true with you, you had midnight eyes and we all know I rest among the sky, you had hands that made pianos cry and laugh, poetry that made me question how my heart wasn't beating out of my chest. Probably because my heart was dead and you were holding hands with a girl whom I used to harmonize with, still.
Boy 5: How did we even end up being together? You whispered things in Spanish and I yelled and you shut down, YOU NEVER YELLED BACK. I kicked you down, bet love never felt so good, right? You looked me in the eyes, pushing out words like "God, you're an addiction" and you wanted me to meet your mother, ha, you screamed I love you I just asked what that even was. You cried and I left to kiss your best friend, oops.
Boy 5: You never said I love you, but you never said you liked me either, well, you had, but it was never mutual. You were just a getaway from the hell I had breathing down my back, and the windows were fogged, I drew iniatials that claimed you mine for the summer. You looked up and said things like "I could fall for you". Do you understand why I ignored you for 5 months? You never came after me, *******.
Boy 6: You had embers in your hair, and hands big enough to make me feel safe, you walked in. The birds in my chest that I had torn the feathers off of, suddenly beat against my ribs, you asked for my name and I swear to god I stuttered at the thought of your voice in my ears again.
And we laughed, but a night came where I swallowed pills I promised to keep away from, but death held my hand and I told you I loved you and waited for death to tug me, I woke up to the sun.
How do I end this?
Oh, I don't.
Heaven Dawn
Written by
Heaven Dawn
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