In the night last night
I saw a flower blooming
but approach it I did not
the thorns were thick with poison
the flower was I

wrapped in casual affairs and spitting a venom of pure passion and lust.
the **** is love? why the hell are you looking at me like you can't imagine the world spinning without me, lips trailing across my shoulder when I was only seeking a thrill. ****, I only wanted to feel.
One of 12 boys who feel in the lull of my voice, the electricity between my fingers, sweeping into the vast vocabulary by which I spewed with such anger. I wasn't to be played with, I'm a carnivore with a craving of boys with candy hearts and sweet souls ready to broken into pieces I'll use to rebuild the damning holes in my brain.
You love the way my hair falls in wild curls, I remind you of every wave curling around the sand. I'm so close to you but so **** far away. You adore the way I bare my teeth when you come too close, you feel the need to be more dominant, but you can't fail your mistress, I'm the ******* queen.
A ******* cannibal, and I've become so ******* hungry.

Never fall in love with a train-wreck,
She'll yell because she's sad, push you away when she wants to be held
She's loose change, or the way sunburn feels across bottom lips.
She'll say I Love You in two different languages, Italian and yelling it while She kicks your self-esteem to bits against your windshield.
She can't form words to **** the elephant in the room, just **** the little pieces of you that were bow-wrapped personally for her.
She,
            she,    
                       she, she will repeat through your mind, followed by insults she spewed on nights she didn't want to make-up, just ****-up.
She'll promise to allow you to set her right on her tracks, to
                                              take you down
                                                      with
                                                         h
                                                         e
                                                         r

you are more than just a reason for a love poem.

But I am corruption she screams, I am the poison and the craving.*
I am the way you yell for your mother in your sleep, but the way you know you have abandonment issues you never choose to acknowledge.
You will not escape me she yells, for I have hooked you by your teeth.
You will not judge others, you will not speak your mind, you will follow direction, you will be all mine.
I am the only darkness you need, I am God.
And then I screamed.

I'd like to tell you stories of boys who swore they loved me.
Boy 1: I wasn't five feet tall, but you towered over me, looking at me like god had left an angel behind, I ran, and you yanked my ponytail, did you realize what love even was? I threw rocks at you, I left a scar across your eyebrow, but yet you screamed I love you. You moved and I haven't seen you since.
Boy 2: I grew to be a boy stuck in a girls body, I beat up on boys who said things like "You're pretty". But it didn't stop you, you had a smile that made girls flutter their eyelashes but you were scrawny and we laughed at the thought of you whispering I love you when I wasn't looking at you. Ew.
Boy 3: Fast forward, I bloomed, hormones were scenting the halls, but you were my best friend. I could fall into the sea of your eyes, I cut all my hair off and people snickered at the weight I had gained but you had curls and I felt blessed, but you said I love you and I had read such things about taking advantage. So no, I let you go.
Boy 4: I never even got to meet you, you were words behind a screen, I knew boys who knew you but I had never looked at the face of a boy who typed faster than god and declared I would never love anything, well then.
Boy 4: I'll admit, I almost said it to you, I thought maybe it could have been true with you, you had midnight eyes and we all know I rest among the sky, you had hands that made pianos cry and laugh, poetry that made me question how my heart wasn't beating out of my chest. Probably because my heart was dead and you were holding hands with a girl whom I used to harmonize with, still.
Boy 5: How did we even end up being together? You whispered things in Spanish and I yelled and you shut down, YOU NEVER YELLED BACK. I kicked you down, bet love never felt so good, right? You looked me in the eyes, pushing out words like "God, you're an addiction" and you wanted me to meet your mother, ha, you screamed I love you I just asked what that even was. You cried and I left to kiss your best friend, oops.
Boy 5: You never said I love you, but you never said you liked me either, well, you had, but it was never mutual. You were just a getaway from the hell I had breathing down my back, and the windows were fogged, I drew iniatials that claimed you mine for the summer. You looked up and said things like "I could fall for you". Do you understand why I ignored you for 5 months? You never came after me, *******.
Boy 6: You had embers in your hair, and hands big enough to make me feel safe, you walked in. The birds in my chest that I had torn the feathers off of, suddenly beat against my ribs, you asked for my name and I swear to god I stuttered at the thought of your voice in my ears again.
And we laughed, but a night came where I swallowed pills I promised to keep away from, but death held my hand and I told you I loved you and waited for death to tug me, I woke up to the sun.
How do I end this?
Oh, I don't.

Dear father,
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
I gave my heart to a boy who kept girls like me on the bedside next to his watch.
You've got to understand that I didn't know the devil behind his innocent smile.
You made him, why did you use forests in his eyes and lightning in his fingertips? What made you decide you should throw every beautiful destruction in one man?
When did he fall into his ways? Was it when the girl he picked dandelions for kissed his best friend? Or the time his father cheated on his mother and he knew the roots of his creation were tainted?
Didn't you realize I would compare him to stars? You made him of constellations I had yet to discover, you threw thunder in the rumbles of his voice.
He wants to fly, you know that? He wants wings.
And I've always been in love with the sky.
Father,
Forgive me, for I have realized You should be groveling to me.
You made love seem as beautiful as rain, but it was a hurricane.
Why the **** did you think giving wings to a boy who only wanted to drown me in his "love" would bring me to repent to you?
Father,
beg for me, for I have no faith.

And with every betrayal burning in my stomach from the words that passes your lips.
I became a new person, one who forget words meant anything to her.
This poem means nothing.

He trailed his fingertips up my side, whispering things like "You're beautiful".
What's so beautiful? Was it the way my eyes fluttered at your touch, or the way my skin feels against your palms? How far up my shirt did you get before you thought I was beautiful?
You discarded my top like you previously discarded our love, tossed it across the room to lay among the other shirts stained in Jasmine perfume.
I wasn't Jasmine, not hot-nights and lights off, with tears in her eyes because she has daddy issues and her mom told her she'd end up on bedside tables anyways.
I was Twilight Woods, fogged windows in a church parking lot, and putting my pants on before you wake up, my daddy hugged me enough, and my mother has no idea about the way you love to tangle your fingers in my hair at red lights.
Secrets in the writing on your windows.

You were nothing but the dust floating through the sunlight in my basement but god, I couldn't stop staring.
You were nothing but avalanches sweeping trees in and breaking every limb with the rumble of your voice but god, I could never stop listening.
You were nothing but lovers among drive-in movies and trembling hands, but god, you were chilling.
Can you imagine if my father found out about the way you looked at me at 10:29 when we were running late, with your hand up my thigh. Picture the disapproval in your mother's eyes if she saw the scratches across your shoulder blades.
Tell her I was only trying to find your wings, tell her I was scratching the places where your wings fell off when an Angel like you, fell for someone as ****** as me.
Tell her you love me, I want to hear her scream at the thought of your corruption.
She knew better than to let her sweet angel to fall for a shadow with green eyes and a way of laughing that sent shivers up your spine.
Kiss her for me.

You said forever.
Don't you understand what you've laced into that word? An infinite amount of times you'll laugh so deeply that the room rumbles. A inconceivable amount of times you'll look me in the eyes and say "Your eyes are green today."
You said forever.
Do you even understand how many stars die in the time that "forever" consists of? How many babies will be born with our names? How many of them will find each other and call each other by the color of their eyes that day?
You said forever.
But did you understand that forever means nothing to someone who measures their life in tablespoons of honey, and kisses at parties with strangers with freckles that spell your favorite constellation?
I said forever.
But we both knew my forever meant until the day my eyes stopped turning green.

You had a way of curling your lips up, to resemble the gates of Heaven, Godly in the ****** of sorts.
You mummer when you think no one is listening, and you peel these words off your ribs, throwing them into the dust streaming through the hole in your bathroom ceiling.
I hear them, heard them all, collected them and watered my insecurities in them.
You flutter your eyes, and I can hear the stars fall at the thought of being behind your whispers.
Darling, you're only dreaming and I've lost all hope in being the object that keeps you grounded, I'm not in your roots.
I'm rushing rivers, and rain clouds, I'm only here to keep you alive, just until another dreamer comes along and plants you in her favorite place to die.
And darling, I'm only dreaming.