I still blush when you kiss my forehead
and when you pinch my hip or nudge my back as you walk past
I still get butterflies when I make you laugh
How could I know love at such a young age?
How could I have known?
The moment my eyes found you
I knew
The moment I gave my all when I had nothing and we turned that empty void into something
and even though there was pain and anguish and heart ache I would do it
yes, I would do it all again
just the same
I wouldn't change a thing
Because there's no other place I'd rather be
than right here with you
Beneath your chin atop your chest listening to the sound of your heart
and feeling your fingers in my hair
listening to your dreams and stories of joy
Speaking about future endeavors that we wish to seek together
The wind carries a song you may not hear for I know that God is speaking and He is saying our blessings are already here!
My love, my sweet
Skin against skin
Kiss on your lips
Hold on for dear life as we live life and love life in love

Forbidden to others and I realized others will never understand and I realized it's not for anyone or anything or others to understand
Because it's you who holds my hand
Because it's you who brushes my cheek
Because it's you who chases the demons away
Because it's who wipes my tears
Because it's you who makes me smile and dream and be not afraid to seek

My love,
You make me feel such a way that I could fly without wings
If an angel could expel the feathers of her being without seeing then I could represent my heart in a thousand shards of emotional delicacy

For that is what you create within me

There's bad blood
In my veins
And it'll always
Be that way
I can deny my heritage,
And change my surname
But there are some things
That I can't change
Your love was a contract
Riddled with conditions and double standards
You pointed at the fine print
All of these years
You wanted all I had
You stole my youth
All I have is my heartbeat,
You can't have that too
I'm letting go
Because the bad blood is on your hands
And no matter what I do
You'll never understand
I can still hear your voice
Bouncing off the walls
Accusations of all of
My mistakes and flaws
And you're placing stones down
Paving the way to hell
Stuck in your illusion
Of heaven's bells
So I'll burn this bridge
Stand and watch the flames
And I know I'm in control
And things will change

one.

    When she cries herself to sleep
    six out of seven nights a week you must
    say nothing. You must simply take
    her in your arms and kiss her gaunt,
    pale cheeks and wait for her to
    slumber at the sound of your heart.

two.

    On the days where she wishes she
    were part of the stars, tell her
    no. Tell her that there are too many
    lights in the sky and that just one
    would be forgotten the moment you looked
    away from it. Tell her that she is perfect
    the way she is: completely human.

three.

     Don't let her think about the scars
     that no one but her can see. If she
     says "I think I'm broken" smile like you
     know a secret and say, "No, you're mending."
     But do not be the one to fix her - no, she
     must be the one to do it herself, and you
     merely are there to quietly encourage her.

four.

     Read her poetry (even if you are
     not a poet), the kind that uses
     flowery words and compares girls to
     the moon; the kind that you will
     rewrite for her. Make her a warrior.
     Make her a goddess with eyes like a
     wolf's and a smile like a tiger's.

five.

     Laugh with her the first thing in
     the morning and the last thing before
     you fall asleep. Tell her cheap puns
     that you've been thinking of for weeks.
     And when she smiles - the type of smile
     that could bring you to your knees if
     you aren't careful - know that for the
     moment, she's yours. She is whole.

six.

    Love her. Love her like a fish loves
    the sea or a bird loves the sky. Love
    her in the way that your heart feels like
    it's going to burst at any moment every
    time it beats. Love her skin and the way
    it feels against your own, soft and warm
    and utterly flawless. Love her for the way
    her voice trembles when she can't keep it
    together anymore and love her when she
    holds onto you as if you were the only
    thing that was keeping her alive.

seven.**

     Love her, because some days she just can't do it herself.

this is an open letter to anyone who has the audacity to try and love you like i did.

dear whateverthefuckyournameis,

i apologize in advance for spilling my boiled blood on the hem of your skirt. what you need to understand, is that you are standing on ground previously reserved for my feet, so forgive me for any bitterness that seeps through the cracks in my clenched fists. i don't hate you, but i can't be your friend. you probably don't know about me, and if you do, let me commend your bravery. i have a tendency to set my problems on fire, and in my bouts of anger everything looks flammable, especially girls with paper complexions. i'm sorry. i have never been one to walk away, so i don't know how to explain to you the holes in the bottoms of my shoes. but i have been further than you will ever go. this is not supposed to be an angry letter, but lately that's the only thing coming out of me. i don't even know your name but the thought of your hands reaching for him makes we want to break them. i will douse your dreams in gasoline and strike the match against your cheek. but i know that's not right, see, the poison crawling out from the end of my pen belongs to a scarier version of myself i try not to know. my heartache is an insatiable war cry in the dead of night, that will stop at nothing to shatter all your windows. it shames me to admit that i've found a sort of twisted satisfaction in using passive aggression to breach your armor. i am sick with missing a set of arms i was not privileged enough to know. i speak with all the grace of an atom bomb and wonder about the rubble at my feet. you are white picket fence and i am barbed wire. some girls are lions, some are lambs, and i learned to love, teeth bared and snarling. one of the only things that keeps me going is the hope that one day i'll learn how to love something without making it bleed. i may have never been his, but for a time he was mine, so please understand why i taste acid when i think about your mouth on his. again, i am sorry. i know it is not my place to be so full of resentment, but there is a part of me that sincerely hopes it bothers you to know he dreamt of me before you were even a thought. there is a side of me that thrives on the image of the color being drained from your face when you read this. but i am trying to learn how to be softer. this letter is the manifestation of a self-inflicted war that has been raging in my chest since he first told me about you. you will try to be good to him, and you might even succeed. if you ever find yourself singing him to sleep, like i did, don't ask if he wants to hear another song, just keep going until his breathing slows.

- m.f.

I once thought
eternity was written
across your lips
but really it was
temporary
that was whispered
in every kiss
your words
were loaded guns
and I'm sorry I
had to pull the trigger
if she has the audacity
to try to
love you more than I did
remember to tell her
that she won't ever be able too
our love and the butterflies in
my stomach have perished in the
same fire that they once flourished in
and now I'm burning too
your hands that carried the baby
that now gives me life
will now reach for her
and I think I'm going be sick
I'm going to be sick
the venom is spitting out
of the same mouths that
once sang I love you every day
you thought you had chains
pressing into your wrist
when really the chains
had already been broken
and thrown away
we are both the victims and
aggressors of this tragedy
and no up stander can save us
it wasn't you and it wasn't me
it was every bumpy road that
could never be smoothed over
I am sorry i could never save us
I am sorry we never worked out
I am sorry we even tried
I am sorry I loved you
I am sorry I was the wall
dividing you from happiness
I am sorry I was the wall dividing
you from her
I am so sorry I thought
this was forever
I'm so sorry
                       -k.s

Darling,
You deserve more
Than what this world
Could ever give to you
And trust me,
If I could take your pain
And suffering
And make it my own
I'd do it in a heartbeat
Because you are more beautiful
Than Michelangelo's David,
And you turned this pessimist
Into a believer in humanity
And you've turned this atheist
Into a believer of angels
Because what else could you be?
And you make me wish there was More
Because I want more for you
Because every time my ears against
Your chest
It reminds me
That when it comes down to it,
You're just human
And no human can escape oblivion
But you deserve so much better
Because it's amazing
That there are 7 billion people
But when we're together,
I only see you
And I hope you only see me

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
A family member would ask
I suppressed a smile thinking of you
"No" I'd reply, my face a mask

"Mommy, why are they holding hands?"
A little girl would want to know
I'd pull my hand away from yours
And manage a timid "Hello"

"You're obviously in love"
A friend of mine took note of my bliss
I finally admit it but changed pronouns
Turning every "her" into a "him"

"I'm bisexual and dating a girl"
I'd tell the mirror 1,000 times
Getting the courage to tell my parents
Then turning around and changing my mind

"Are you ashamed of us?"
She'd ask tears welling in her eyes
"No" I'd hug her close because it was true
I was only ashamed of myself and my disguise

i have lost the will to move from this empty bed.

all i want to do is sleep, but my mind quietly begs you to come lay next to me.

i know you won't, so i torture myself with thoughts of you with her instead.

i hate that we only understand each other
when we are exposed,
standing in no man’s land

when we’re pressed together,
all weapons put aside,
your arms tight around me
and my fingers digging into your skin,
hands frantically exploring every inch
they can find,
breathing in every breath
the other lets out

that we’re only in sync when
our bodies move together
as one carnal being

that without our ceasefire
every word between us turns into
a biting bullet

they say love is a battlefield
and if that’s so
then my body is a warzone
and you’re the friendly fire

but we continue with this modern warfare
because it’s the only way we know how

i.
I may not have noticed you the first time,
Or the second.
But when I did,
That smile hit me like a freight train.

ii.
When you first pulled up,
In that grey suit of yours,
With that little pink tie
And you kissed me slow and soft
I knew you weren't a mistake.

iii.
I gave you all I had,
Everything,
Without a single regret.

iv.
That night you lost your keys,
And we got stuck at the reservoir
In the middle of the night
I pretended to be mad.
But that was the night
I knew I loved you.

v.
I wrote about you a lot.
I always wanted to show you,
But I was too scared.
I still have the poems,
In an envelope somewhere.

vi.
The night you said I love you,
I almost cried for joy.
I really did cry
When you said it again.

P.S.* These are all for you. There has been no one since, and no one before you either.