i felt like ****
so i stopped into speedway to cash out and buy bang
and i still felt like **** so i bought $40 vitamins
and the label promised they’d solve all my problems,
but they couldn’t even fix my skin
every time i get paid? i spend it
every last ******* cent goes to retail therapy- the only therapy i cant afford but indulge in anyway
maybe i should’ve listened to my psych
maybe i shouldn’t lie at every meeting
maybe i- maybe i- maybe i
should have let them put me away
it doesn’t matter
i push it, shove it, cry it down
“It Doesn’t ******* Matter”
i chant it to myself like a prayer, a last message to god before i drag myself down to hell
on my bruised knees i sit
not talking to the lord,
just ******* ****

Frankie Cosmos at 1am.

Maybe more like the old place.
Wouldn't have any.
Make of it.
Staying weary.
Within.
Running out.
Of the kitchen in your skin.
Till you faint.
Talk it more.
Said in utter incomplete.
But stay awake.

Garrett Johnson.

Dearest,

I sit with your plucked wildflowers,
in the near blue hours that ramble past
like a coach-and-four. You return
"upon the morrow” and I have said
your name aloud so often
it is thin as gold leaf.
Crow's speech marks the new day
under a gunmetal fog-dome
that slips spells in the sinking heat.
The gray river sidles along the city;
I'm out of time. I send my love.

Right now you are a tulip bud before spring,
And I know you might never bloom,
but I hope you do.
I can count your words.
the ones that shine,
on my fingers.
But I see you reaching for the sun,
growing.
So I will nurture this little hope,
the one I hide in my chest,
that one day, I will have more memories of your support,
than your homophobia

Watching Ridle Baku takes me back
To cobblestone streets
Strangers speaking in mysterious, angry accents
Asking, “bist du Amerikaner?”
Ja.
A few blocks separated us,
A chain and barbed wire fence
And MP’s wielding machine guns
But on Saturday’s my parents took me out to the market
And I wonder if we ever passed by each other
Two children in the same city
The city was yours, is yours.
I was just a tenant.
Standing in ancient shadows.
I never knew Arizona didn’t have castles
Until I left, and I missed them.
I got a Mainz 05 scarf when I was 18.
A year before I watched you play for them,
And score against Leipzig.
And the city cheered.
Your city cheered.
And all at once I realized how much I loved Mainz
And how badly I wanted to call Mainz home.
How badly I wanted the city I grew up in to feel like home.

I'm liar

I'd be lying if I said I don't miss you

so much

I hate the way
we're so separated

breaks my tiny heart

you're still so beautiful

your smile is worth gold

don't do what you're told

I'm wondering

if you miss me too

I think you do

maybe that hurts me a little more than it should