Tears on my face
I run for my place
No shoes on my feet
I've admitted defeat
Mud between my toes
Fresh air in my nose
Spiders in the grass
Sprawled out on my ***
Clouds passing by
I stair up at the sky
Here I don't hide
What I'm holding inside
Here I can scream
Blow off my steam
Here you're not real
Here I don't feel
It's like I don't exist
A feeling I can't resist

This last place I can call my own
Where I can finally be alone

Hold up
Wait
What did you just say?
After so long of convincing me to stay?
You think I'm gunna run away

you're funny

I've tried to talk about it
until I'm blue in the face
but I'm already dead
the conversation left
...no trace
I called at 4am
Left a voice message
followed up with a text,
I guess you didn't get it
My drama is a burden
My tears are hard to take
My words are hard to process
maybe, my friendship
was a mistake
I hesitate to contact you
what if I'm interrupting?
I know that others have a life
at least they have something
I hit dial on my phone
then hope the one who answers
understands my sobbing voice
and doesn't silently judges..
I know I'm already dead
I just seem to keep on
breathing
as long as I have a voice
on the other end of the line
I'll keep on
believing
this life is worth living
and the tears I cry are
real
because appearances can be
deceiving
*I look better than I feel

We set a paper ship
upon the waters
in hope it will never know a storm
we have bared of our past
In hopes that maybe to gather
they could fair better than us
as clear skies graced our thought
now storm clouds loom heavy.
It's never as we planned
but never our fault.

Those paper ships slip
from between our fingertips
before we are ready to set sail
We watch them bob
upon traitorous waters
standing upon stormy land
and know only,
when they are lost at sea
that our casting off
has failed

Under moonlit nobility gets beyond our controls and storms
we seldom grasp, the ships sink faster than the images we have lives since painted within our thoughts.
It all comes full circle in the end

Full circle begins
when weeping upon a midnight beach
waiting for the debris to float in
To sit upon the sand
and not understand
how paper boats can't float
without sails
We set them out upon stormy seas
Hoping them fine and fair weather
only to see them smashed upon the shore
with no guidance from above
just a single feather
Buried deeply in their chest
a single hope
they could fly
now they lay broken
upon a distant shore
dying under a whisper
of... *I tried

I'm not worried about if I'll cut tonight
I'm not worried about the panic attacks I WILL have
I'm not worried about not being able to eat
Or throwing up anyway
Or crying when nobodies around
I'm not worried about me
I've been through this pain so many times
It's like a stupid broken record
That I'm about to just throw away

I'm worried about you. . . .
What are you doing?
Are you talking to her. . .
Forgiving her. . .
Learning to hate me. . . Finally. . .
Are you hurting, in your room
Are YOU able to eat?
Are you putting the knife down clean?
Are you waking up in sweats
Are you crying and broken?

Are you okay. . .

I guess I know you're not. . .
But I want to know how not okay you are. . .
I want to know that you are at least functioning
I want to know that your dad isn't hurting you
Physically or mentally
I want to know that you aren't alone
That no matter how much I hate him
He is there being your friend
Making you smile
Making you laugh. . . .
Because laughing always makes you feel better
And I know you hate being alone. . .
I don't want you to be alone

So I'm worried
And every time I think about you
Feeling the way I feel right now
I panic and I can't breath
I'm so worried that you are all I dream about
I'm so worried that when tomorrow comes
You will have your head down in the hall. . . .
Hearing nobody at all. . .
Alone. . .
I'm worried because I can't do anything
He said. . . To look walk the other way
And she will be watching. . .
Making sure I do nothing to help
Running to tell if I even smile at you
Wave. . .
I don't want to be the cause of more pain

Yes I'm worried. . .

I'm worried that I might of destroyed the most beautiful person I know

You know what I want?
I want you back in my bed
Back in my arms
Skin to skin
Your calm breath
And strong arms
Letting me fall asleep
Chasing all my fears away

I've never slept better then in your arms

I hate this
I
Hate
This
All the words I try to put down
Are so full of ****
You'd think I had crap stuck in my teeth
I'm tired
Really ******* tired
I'm tired of being told I'm crazy
By the craziest ***** I know
Tired of being told I'M trouble
By a man who would lock up his son
Tired of being treated like the problem
Just because it's the easest choice
And I'm really ******* tired
Of trying to rhyme my poems
Rhyming is beautiful
Rhyming has rythm
And right now I don't have the patience for either
My words do not have beauty
They are full of anger and PAIN
And they do not have rythm
They are wild and uncontrollable
It's unbarable
I am a writer
I am a ******* poet
I guess I just lost my muse