The part I hate the most about this feeling
is that it doesn't look pretty in paint
nor does it sound lovely in lyrics
it doesn't rectify the emptiness
when I pour myself into other people's cup
I fill them up to forget what I am full of
things I do not love
colors that do not transfer well onto paper
words that don't make sense
nothing about this comes together
in ways that can expand and commence
this feeling is not a pattern
this suffering is not art
you can't trace a deadly storm that you did not acknowledge
from the start

I couldn't be bothered to do it
So left it until I was
Then I was busy with ****
And it started to build up

Then I started drowning
Until my head was covered
And alarm bells started sounding
As everything collapsed around

And I have to start now
Before more damage is done
But I don't know how