today I found out
what you were up to last night
when its worded like that it sounds bad
you didn't do anything wrong
as far as I know

today I found out
you were with some guys from my school
but you didn't tell me last night
when I asked you,
“what’s up”

one of those guys texted me this morning
he said,
“hey I hung with your boy last night”
I laughed because he recognized you
he recognized you as mine
I wonder if anyone else did too

today I found out
and it was in this moment I realized
you don’t really feel like mine
anymore

my first
a lion inside a boy
a full moon (i thought you gave off light; you only reflected mine)
a breathless english winter, pale and icy
an explorer of collar bones and thighs and shoulder blades
my love, my life
the loveliest flower, or perhaps an entire garden
a time traveller (you showed me the world at 5.30am)
a stupid teenage boy
july 28th to november 4th
a semicolon - a story to be continued;

you tell me about the other girls
I pretend I don't care

they've been in your bedroom
they've even touched your hair

every time I see your smile
I think ab the other girls
who've made you smile
for reasons I have no clue

the girls who kissed your lips
and some other places too

these other girls all broke your heart
it breaks my heart
just to know you felt pain

these other girls cheated on you
kissed other boy's lips and
some other places too

I had a dream
I kissed
another boy's lips
some other places too
last night

I'm afraid I'm becoming one of
the other girls

it hurts me to hurt you
yet
I had this dream
of another boy's hair
in another boy's bed
last night

what if I become these other girls
these pretty girls
these girls who broke your heart
these girls whose names still hurt
even
last night

it should come as no surprise
I'm scared of pretty girls
the other girls
ya they scare me too

my 14 year old
younger sister
comes to me
asking for advice about
boys

i'm flattered she thinks
i understand anything about
boys

does she think
my late drunk nights
dancing
kissing
touching
boys
in stranger's homes
makes me an expert

does she think
my long afternoons
chilling
smoking
driving around town with
boys
means I  comprehend how to keep a relationship

does she think
being dropped off
at home
by some of the
boys
a little too late
a little too early
elucidates my ability to understand
boys

I'm sorry
little sister
but I don't understand
boys
anymore than you.