I
Just keep
Telling myself that
Things will get better
Soon

For tearing you apart,
And not comming back to stick you together.
For betraying you endless times.
For lying and running.
And telling the truth and hurting.
For scaring you and pushing you away.
And letting the monster inside of me go.
No apologies will be enough,
I really ****** it up.
I'm not the worst person in this story.
But I'm still the bad guy.
And I'm really, really sorry.
For not staying away.
I love you

And for apologising
But I just know you don't care
A little bit

I might have changed,
And I might be who I was again,
But I'm still me.
I'm still the girl you loved.

There are a lot of metaphors including sunshine.
Some of them are good,

But never good enough.

Dreams don't ever come true,
I've learned that in the past months.

Maybe wishing will do.

I could use a little sunshine now.
I'm sick, and cold, and lone.

That little sunshine used to be you.

I'm ******* lost, and for the first time
I don't actually know what to do.

I don't think there's something like life after death.
Isn't life and death just a lightswitch? It'll take a little time to install the lightswitch and then your body is here. When you turn on the light your soul is here and when you die the lightswitch goes off. And Only your body is left, the extinguished lightbulb.


-


It's 2AM, get some sleep.
~ Note to self

I would give you the entire world,
But you are my world.

There's nothing more to say

So that was a month already, huh?
A month of just being able to love you.
A month of being able to stare into those perfect eyes,
that are filled with love and sparkle blue.

So it's been a month, it sounds so long.
It really does feel like forever.
Yet I still remember it like yesterday.
I didn't know your pronouns, thinking "If only I could have her."

A month is a long time when you love someone,
And I'm really thankful I spent that month loving you every day.
Because now I don't have to worry anymore,
If I lose you, or if you'll stay.

It still feels like we got together moments ago,
And it feels like it's been like this all along.
And for the first time in a long while,
I feel like this won't end in wrong.

I love you, and I can't say anything else, but thank you.
Thank you, for loving me too.

~
There I was, at the edge of the bridge,
Begging for the water to take me away.
To somewhere far from this cruel world,
Where there's only tomorrow, no today.

I fell deeper and deeper into the abyss,
There was nothing I could do or say.
But now I have arrived anywhere else.
I'm not sure if it's better, but I'll stay.
~

"I guess it hurts most knowing that it never actually hurt. I needed to feel something, and hurt was easiest."

I keep reading your poems as a coping mechanism
You bet it makes me feel even worse

I love you

"I want to give so much to you,
How much can you give go me?"

"You are a crowd,
all on your own."

"You left me lonely, with nothing
But your flower crown."

"Sometimes I wish I could drown into my own eyes, until I looked into yours."

"I heard you laughing,
And I wished I was a part of it."

I'm trying to be better, but this world won't let me. The real change is you, and what you do to me."

"When my time comes, will you go to hell with me, or will you wait patiently for heaven?"

"When I look into your eyes, I see a lot of things. But mostly, the endless possibility of love."

"It's always quiet in my head,
Except when I'm with you."

"With you I'm the most vunerable.
But I will never break when you're with me."

"I've looked into your eyes a lot of times,
But I already knew I was ******* the first time."

"If the end of the world was here. Of we had five more minutes. Would you panic, hide? Run for you life? Or stand here and spend them with me?"

"The world is slowly fading, but I can see you becomming clearer and brighter every day."

"You're the song stuck in my head,
And it's a **** sad song baby."

"I'm broken. I'm a person in a thousand pieces. And you are the one who puts them all together."

"I love you. I don't understand how, but it's the only way I know."

"Your world is darker than mine,
And I'll try to light it up with every piece that I have."

"You make me realise a little bit more every day that love can be a good thing."

Too much poems
Unwritten
Too much stories
Untold
Too much love
Untouched
Too much Hate
Unexpressed
Too much desire
Unanswered
When will it be?

I am the victim
Of my own abuse

My Theodosia,


Love                                                                                       Life­

    doesn't                                                                   
         discriminate                                  

Between the
Sinners~
and the
~Saints


It        

                        takes

and it
  
                       takes

and it
  
                          takes

And we keep

loving                                                       ­                living

a n y w a y s



we


Laugh and we cry                                                           Rise and we fall

And
we
break

And we make our mistakes.

And If there's a reason I'm still alive, when everyone who loves me has died, then I'm willing to wait for it.


wait for it                                                           

wait for it

                                                            ­                    wait for it

Mom,
Dad,
Grandpa.

When they died, they left no instructions,
just a
legacy
to protect.

(What is a legacy?)

Hamilton's pace is relentless,
But some day he'll be tired.
And the only thing the world will hear,
Is a gunshot being fired.

...

wait..!

...

Wake me up
At the cracks of dawn
Because you had
A nightmare

Wake me up
In the middle of the night
Because you need a hug
And you want some cuddles

Wake me up
When I'm not asleep
From the daily nightmare
That's called me

Wake me up
When you're thirsty
And need someone to walk you down the stairs
Because you're scared alone in the dark

Wake me up
Whenever you need me
4 AM, 6 PM
I'll always be there

Wake me up
And make me
Stand up with tangles in my hair
To dance with you at midnight

Wake me up
Before you leave to work
So I can wake up next to you
Like we've always wanted

Wake me up
To make love
I wish you would want me
To be your passion

How much do you see me standing?
How much "I'll be by your side" is left?
You only gave me your heart for once,
Now I'm being accused of theft.

You always smile for other people,
But I know what you're really thinking.
A knife for you was not enough,
You're another reason keep drinking