I've grown used to this weight in my chest
And I worry sometimes
That if it should dissipate
Maybe I'd float away
And become even more lost
Than I am now

Sleepless nights and long drives
Are not enough time
To make me choose
Between the two of you
If I had to pick today
I'd probably just run away
I have nothing to offer either of you

I keep writing these words
And, like yelling into a pillow
It's somewhat cathartic
But I can't help but be dissatisfied
At the lack of practical application
No one can hear my cries
Or maybe no one is listening
Regardless
This changes nothing

What did I tell you about
breaking the rules?
Breaking rules is
breaking walls
- leave them there and
all they do is
stop you.

If I were ever
to damage
myself
it would only be
so that I
could bleed
poetry.

billy pilgrim knows
knows what will
happen to me he
breathes down my
neck warm and
gentle my skin
prickling like
stepping into the
cold post-rain
autumn desolation
there is no why

plaids and dead
sheep have appeared
skin shields shilled
by the new age saviors
mellow melancholy
as everything crumbles
around me meat hooks
and bungee cords
billy pilgrim has
come unstuck in time

every look is a story
every story is too short
unless stretched to
translucence porous
and fragile tangled
in my hair like cobwebs
or a month of wearing
the same black hat
a bug trapped in amber

i am my legs eyes and
mouth and a broom
sweeping invisible hairs

i want to melt away
fall through this chair
porous and weightless
obsequious to time
and the disappearing
act it attempts every
second plowing through
space as a false fourth
dimension like fabric
is not artificial

i want to submit to the
super massive black
hole in the middle of
these lonely neighbor-
hoods wanting everything
but always empty
hungrier as it consumes
the almighty balancer
juggling light and dark
existence and absence
chainsaws and flaming
torches while on a uni-
cycle for the amusement
of what

i want to decay to have
a half life scientists will
use to date blank stares
and suburban angst
i decay faster than time
always approaching zero
asymptotic and wistful
for a perpetual motion
set to stare at the yellow
lit rain for eternity
submerged in aesthetic
my toes begin to fall asleep