i sit here, staring blankly at a screen
thinking, just how easy it could be

an arm draped over a shoulder
a thoughtful gift, with a handmade touch
the simple acts of kindness you see everyday
let me see just how easy it could be
to love a person

i want to love the way her hands move over paper
and the way his heart is always open
i want to love a strangers kindness
and a friends strong laugh or gentle smile

i want to look into their faces
and see humanity
i want to see a person, full of emotion and opinion and life
i want to see something that can be loved

i want to be something
that can be loved

i abandoned you, so long ago
and i left my heart and soul abandoned too.

i built myself a life
with nothing and no one in it.
i tried to hide from the things i could do.

i made myself scared,
too scared to come crawling back,
too scared to assume that anyone could still love me.

i was scared to face you,
too scared to see what i had done, so i hid.
i was a coward, and an *******. i can never take that back.

i thought it was for the best.
i did it because i didn't want to believe
that anyone could love me, without hurting me in the end.

i tried to save myself.
but left you alone, with nothing to hold on to,
and i became the very thing that i had feared the most.