My perspective of you will always
be the same.
No matter how disappointed you make me.
No matter how many times you mess up.
You don't have to be perfect for me to love you.
I just do.
Whether you like it or not.

Why is it that we never truly appreciate
The value of someone until it is too late?
A hundred flowers on a wintry grave site
A torrent of tears cried at midnight
Groanings of morning dawn prayers' sighs
Added together cannot ever realize
A past that has passed

Alas, that weighing debt
Of unreconciled regret, becomes a treasure
From which we measure
The relationships of today, tomorrow
Maturing into overflowing blessings
From that was empty sorrow

it's 5 am, and i'm the loneliest i have ever been.
this used to be different, i mean i should seriously be asleep right now, but
there is an intensity that is BUILDING up inside me, i feel it boiling over and my insides, they can't take the heat.
i don't know how anyone can feel like this, but this is the only place i know where to start..

and god i wish i could remember what started this feeling, what lit the fuse, but now i am a time bomb, and i am scared that i will lose.
lose everything i love, and lose this game i'm in,
i really don't understand though, i believe we have all have sinned.
so what makes me different, what makes me so bad?
is this just cause myself was the only thing i had?
and now i have it all, and i have the tools to succeed,
but i can't ******* bring myself to do it, i am helpless on my knees.

god will you help me?
isn't that a ******* joke,
like seriously we are alone,
and i know you have always known,
but back to the subject at hand,
i'm going ******* crazy, and i keep trying to understand.
i can't sleep at night, and there is a ghost in my room,
nooo, not the kind that haunts you, the kind that scares you to a fool.
and he whispers that i am nothing, softly in my ear

but guess what, he is nothing, i am just making that up.


you probably think i am crazy by now, but see if i give a ****

because i know you can relate, because everyone has it
the fear in their head, and i know you can't shake it

so just take one thing with you, after you finish my text
remember that i finished this,  at 5:06 am, and i probably am still depressed.

That was my pen, before.
Lapped up every last drop of ink hungrily
And spewed them all out in just the right
Shape, the right amount, for the right meaning,
Blowing life into its royal blue color recipe
To craft breathing alphabets that animated
Into words that I remember
Were mischievous, but adorable babies:
They used to talk, walk, play, cry and sleep;
Oh, they used to live on their vast white landscape,
Reviving my memories with their
Own connotation- my innovators.

But my pen is a teenager: unpredictable and moody,
It now creates stubborn, sterile letters that just want to besiege
The tip, clog right there and not drop out.
Even if I ****** it awake now, my pen would just puke some
Little droplets shaped like letters that would
Blot the paper ugly, or, the words would exit deformed, like
Their genes had gotten affected by a nuclear bomb.

Oh, what have I done to enrage you, my love?
Did I over-feed you, or under-appreciate you
That your self-esteem decided to turn upon me,
Or become so dependent on you that my mind has dulled
Its imaginations far too dry now,
For you to shape them well?

My verses now wilt and die,
New lands in the paper just get wasted, alarming me
For land is a limited resource in my house, the earth.
But land is not the ultimate problem,
For there are a thousand landscapes I could pull out of my imagination;
Only if my pen would love me once more
And reproduce my ink faithfully,
I could be a writer again.

take me to the ocean that's where i want to die
thats where you sat and held me every time i cry
but now my tears are because of you
so it's the only thing i want to do
you're my anchor so release me
and watch me drown at sea
i can see you're done trying
which means i should be done crying
but these tears will never end
into the depths i'll descend
my insides are already sinking
caused by too much deep thinking
so please let me drown in the sea
don't pretend that you'd miss me

I hope the tears you shreded one day
nurture the flowers that will blossom from your scars.