i swear to god i'm not
envious of her i just
want to break her precious
fingers when she touches him
i just want to sever the
thinned space between
them i just want to shove
her from his grasp i just
want my hands to stop shaking
when i see them together i
just want to see him stop
gazing at her with eyes
brighter than moonbeams.

i swear to god i'm not jealous.

I am the Saturday evenings and the Sunday morning hangovers.
I am loud laughs with friends on the weekends and silent numbness alone on the weekdays.
I am jealousy on a friday night, when my friends would rather spend time with each other than with me, and I am forgiveness and understanding the day after, realizing I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to hang out with myself either.
I am a heap of heaving sobs and aching limbs every night.
I am self-hatred every hour of every day.
I am fear, I am sadness, I am desperation, I am a mess.
I am my worst enemy and my best friend all at once and I am still trying to figure myself out.

Slowly kiss away the mould on my soul.