I'm surrounded by statues,
sculpted perfectly without flaw.
perfect expression, perfect stance.

All of their pieces fit together,
authored with delicate pieces of porcelain.
reflecting each glint of light the way it was designed to be.

Light shines through them,
as I sit in the shadows of their figure.

Will I ever be good enough to put on display?

I am lost in a maze that I built myself.
I put up each wall to remind myself to not go down that path again.
To block the feelings, the people, the thoughts, the actions that took a piece of me.
Each time I felt weaker, but promised myself these walls would help me stay whole.

I built a barrier between me and whatever was taking control of me.
I realized what was happening again, I built another wall.

But now I'm at a dead end. trapped by the walls I thought would protect me. I have no where to go, and only I hold a map to this maze.

I only know how to build, not to take down. I don't want to know what's behind the walls, but I can't stay trapped forever.

the first hit will be the hardest, but maybe ill find the pieces I've lost on the way back to the start.

7:07
the sun is shining through the arms of the trees, casting broken golden shadows.
I think of you.
7:12
the sun sinks and kisses the horizon. the sky is painted by the remnants of its rays.
I think of us.
7:15
the sun is barely there. The only evidence of the day is the color it has left behind.
Are we sinking too?
7:21
I feel relief as I look and can no longer see the sun. Something once so beautiful.
It is able to set everyday. It rests without hesitation.
I envy the sun.
7:28
Sunsets are inevitable. it represents the end but people still look at them in awe.

Twenty minutes of watching and wait for the day to end.
In my heart, I know our love is like this sunset.

10:19
I lay, not knowing if I want the sun to rise.

Only air separates the soles of my feet and the dirt on the ground.
Up and down
and up and down.
I feel weightless and light
and then sink with the heaviness of rushing back to the ground.

My eyes lock into yours.
I watch that as you go up
Earth catches me and drags me back to her.
When I go up
I feel nothing but the guilt of you being on the ground.

I have stopped pushing off.
My flight is dependent on how much you bend your knees.
But I am afraid if I get off, I will not be able to rise on my own.

So I cling on to the cold metal that connects us.
As I rise, I make my self heavy to sink back into the ground,
into my grave.

I hope for balance,
but until then its
Up and down
and up and down.

I think I am always going to love harder than I will ever be loved in return.

I always have.

I loved you in ways I didn't even know. I loved you even when you no longer loved me. I loved you even when you were loving her. You were in her bed, in her heart, while I shivered in ours because you weren't there and mine was growing cold.

Thankfully, I no longer worry about your love. I told myself I was never going to love like that again. I built four walls around myself so that the love I wanted to give couldn't escape, and disappoint me again.

But now He's here. He broke down those walls and I let him. He came in and tore down the person I was because of the love you didn't give.  He pried back open my heart and taught me to love again, to trust again.  Sometimes I still worry that I am loving too hard again. But I stop, and take breath

Because loving too hard means I am loving him. And to love him is worth it all.